Lift up Your Arms Now
by 26Rye J
Summary: Having learned from Buffy's struggles, Angel decides to take control of his destiny, but the Powers that Be aren't easily ignored. (Final part of the I Have Loved You Wrong series).
1. Chapter 1: Never Have to Fade

**This story is the final part after ****_Your Heart Still in It_**** in the ****_I Have Loved You Wrong series._**** It's all one big story that I've broken up into manageable chunks. Thank you for all your patience as I try to put into words what I've imagined for so long. **

**Chapter 1: ****Never Have to Fade**

_Angel clutched the passenger door. "I don't think this was such a great idea."_

_Buffy looked away from the road. "Do you trust me?"_

_"With my life," he gulped, "- not my car."_

_"Are you saying this car is more valuable than you?"_

_"Much."_

_"Calm down." She weaved passed another car on the freeway. "I know how to drive."_

_"No, you don't." His knuckles paled. "which is why you're supposedly allowing me to teach you."_

_"I thought I was here to help you kill time before your meet with Gunn."_

_"Let's hope that's the only thing you kill today."_

_Cars honked as she changed lanes without signaling. "We both were getting tired of the beach stroll, swinging bench routine."_

_Feeling his stomach roll, he shrugged. "I'm trying to wean myself off the brooding."_

_"This environment is certainly not conducive to brood face."_

_"Slow down."_

_"You like going fast - it's why you bought a convertible: so you could_ feel _the speed."_

_"Were you always this big of pain in the - Buffy look out!"_

_She pulled the emergency brakes and swung around so the car faced the other direction._

_The highway was completely empty._

_He looked over to find her watching him. "You're never going to stop loving me." Her toneless voice said it like a fact._

_He huffed, "God knows why."_

_She smirked. "I do too."_

_"And why's that?"_

_"Because I-"_

Angel woke up with a start to the sound of screaming. He sat up off the couch and categorized the sounds as non-emergency. It signaled merely an escalation of teenage bickering. Wiping his eyes, he stood up and stretched looking around the office mindlessly.

His eyes caught on a photo. It sat framed on one of the bookcase shelves. He scanned the surrounding books and knickknacks unable to tell which blonde had gathered them.

Stepping closer, he focused on the group photo. It looked older and the familiar faces looked happy.

"It hurts to see sometimes," Lilly said from the doorway. "But I can't bring myself to put it away."

He didn't turn around. "Must be special; it's the only photo here."

"For a lot of them, it's the only photo we have."

He reached out and touched the glass. "Her wedding?"

"The reception." Lilly came to stand beside him. "We had it in the backyard, the ceremony too."

Buffy's knee length dress and Lindsey's lack of tie told him it had been a casual event.

"Who are the men?"

Lilly squinted at the faces. "Lindsey's brothers, the mechanic and the minister. One was the best man and the other married them." She smiled slightly. "Anne and Linds looked forward to moving closer, raising families together. "

"She didn't keep in touch." It wasn't a question.

Lilly scowled, "You think his bosses leave loose ends like that?

"No." Surveying the photo, he pointed to another face. "Is that Gunn's sister?"

"Alanna." Lilly nodded at the happy girl and boy in the photo. "She was a bridesmaid; Sunny was a groomsman. That's the happiest I ever saw them." The pair wore big goofy grins. "It really was a perfect day. Just what a wedding should be, you know? Everyone you love coming together." She wiped her face to keep from crying. "It's just me and Gunn now."

Stepping back, his tone turned defensive, "He asked me to meet him here."

She nodded emotionally. "There's something a few blocks away. He's just driving Hannah back from her community service."

"We'll take care of it."

She turned back to the door.

"Lilly," He met her eyes. "At least you and Gunn have each other."

"You lose enough people and you stop thinking in forevers." She fiddled with her necklace. " Gunn and I get that whatever we're doing has an expiration date."

"That's the dark side of immortality: you can't enjoy anything without predicting its destruction."

She looked passed him to the picture of smiling faces. "That was such a good day. I like to think that somewhere it's still happening." Her face scrunched and twitched in an effort to hold back tears. "At least in the picture, the smiles never have to fade."

They both stared at the photo a moment longer.

Shaking her head, she took in a calming breath. "Let me know if you need anything."

She left him alone with a piece of Buffy's past. He didn't know whether to feel grateful or hurt. Buffy had never smiled at him the way she smiled in the photo, and wherever she was, she'd lost any reason to smile.

One of the reasons he loved her, though, was because no matter how much she lost, she still found things to hold on to. Wherever she was, he hoped she'd found a reason to smile again.

* * *

By the time he returned to home, morning had started lightening the sky. Opening the hotel's front door, Angel walked under an engraved sign:

**_Sanctuary Shelter_**

**_No One Belongs, but Everyone's Welcome._**

Walking further into the lobby, he heard quiet laughter from the kitchen. Most of the kids were asleep but there were some early birds in the bunch. Angel passed Wesley and Fred by the front desk. From her blush, he assumed flirting was going on. Angel picked up the sign in sheet.

Wesley straightened, "Everything go alright with Gunn?"

"Easy job." The kids' names were written next to the time the time they came in last night.

Seeing him, Fred startled, "Angel, I didn't see there. Did you use the sewers again? Because I didn't hear a peep of entering noise."

"Used the front doors Fred."

She blushed again. "Right, because you like that now -normal ways and all." She watched him frown. "Indeedy, Dan came in late again."

He nodded. It didn't surprise him. Dan had been pushing the limits a lot lately. Wesley took the duffel bag of weapons from him. "I'll lock these up."

As Wes walked away, Fred jumped, "Oh! and you have a visitor. Your fighting friend? Wesley doesn't like her but said it was alright that I let her wait in the yard." Fred followed him across the lobby. "At first, I was scared by the stake in her pocket, but I figured the kids couldn't see her there and she really wanted to see you - but not in a 'I-want-to-stake-you' kind of way-"

"Fred," Angel turned to face her and she nearly bumped into him. "It's alright. I understand why Wesley wouldn't want to see her, but I do." He pushed her glasses back up her nose. "I'm glad you let her in." When she nodded, he stepped back. "When Dan wakes up, let him know I want to see him in my office. We'll talk about his chores list and privileges."

She smiled, nodded and walked back to the front desk. Angel turned and headed out to the backyard. Sure enough, small and brunette, his old friend stood with her back to the door.

"Faith?"

Even in all her leathers, the girl managed to move silently. "Sorry big buy, but really good guess." She turned.

"Buffy."

She smiled with such joy. "Angel." She approached him and he stepped forward too. Immediately, she reached up for a tight hug.

Leaning down, he wrapped his arms around her firmly. Breathing her in, he couldn't believe he ever mistook her scent. He pushed his face into her hair where neck met shoulder. Her hand caressed his head and he pressed firm kiss to the crook of her neck.

"I'm glad you're glad to see me." She breathed him in too. "I thought you might be mad at me."

He held all of her warmth more tightly to him. "I'm furious with you. That's the cruelest thing you've ever done."

Closing her eyes, she savored his touch. "I missed you too - so much."

Without releasing her, he stepped back. "Are you okay? Are you here for help with something?"

She shook her head with glassy eyes. "No. I'm good. I had something to take care of in LA, but I couldn't leave without seeing you."

Nodding, he ran her hair through his fingers. "How long were you here?"

"Only a day or so. Faith called me." She lay her hands on his chest. "Spike's chip wasn't working right and she worried it might kill him."

He frowned in confusion. "So she called you."

"Giles and Willow are in England doing watcher things and apparently, Xander hasn't hopped on the Spike wagon." She sighed. "Faith panicked. I told her I'd meet them in LA and called the doctor who operated on my mom. Back then, Wesley said he was so good even the council used him, so I pretended to be Faith's watcher and convinced him to remove Spike's chip." While she talked, Buffy kept staring at different parts of his face as if committing them to memory.

"That still doesn't explain why you look like Faith."

She tensed and stood back. She looked up at the hotel. "I didn't expect this." Voice floated to them from inside. "You took in my kids."

His eyes wouldn't look away from her. "They're important to you."

Her eyes found his. "You're important to me too. I hope you know that."

"You're leaving again."

She nodded, "Now."

The word pierced his chest making everything in him tighten. Even his vision dimmed from the pain. "But you just. . ."

"Like you said, I have responsibilities I can't ignore." She smiled sadly. "You were right."

"Buffy."

Sunlight started to fill the garden. If she took a few steps back she'd be covered in it. She'd go where he couldn't follow.

"I know it was selfish to come here, but it would have been more selfish to stay away. You took such good care of me, you deserve to see me doing well." She held his hand. "And I am. I am doing really well."

He scanned her clear, focused green eyes. "I see that."

She squeezed his hand. "I didn't want you worrying about me." Her eyes looked soft and loving. "When you think of me, remember me like this, okay?"

"I won't forget the leather pants."

She chuckled breathlessly. "Good. That's good."

He chuckled too.

They smiled at each other with a world of love their eyes.

She looked back at the hotel. Through the glass doors, she saw kids getting ready for school. "No one could love me better." She squeezed his hand again. "You deserved more." Her eyes glistened. "I'm sorry I can't give it to you."

The way she said that made him think she was just as sorry for herself as she was for him. She wanted to stay.

"Buffy-" Before he could say more, he felt her pull him down for a kiss.

His whole mind became overwhelmed by the soft hand on his cheek, her body heat warming him, and gentle lips caressing his like silk.

It wasn't until air replaced her body in front of him that he registered what she'd said: a whispered, "Goodbye."

With the same slayer speed she'd used to kiss him, she walked into the sunlight and disappeared around the corner . . . without even a glance back.

* * *

**My apologies but it might be a little while before I make progress on this. I've just started a new job and it requires a lot of my focus. **

**In the meantime, I'd love to hear what you think so far - of the story, of the series. Did things happen you didn't want to happen? Did things happen you didn't expect? What did you hate? What did you love?**

**Reading your reviews inspires me to do better and keep raising the standard on what "better" is.**


	2. Chapter 2: Love isn't Words

**I've returned to this sorry sooner than I expected and the credit for that goes to BADWOLF22. She edited this chapter and the few after. She kept me accountable and I couldn't be happier with what this portion of the series has in store. Enjoy!  
**

* * *

**Chapter 2: Love isn't Words**

"So now you're bailing on shelter duty too?" Cordelia glared at the filling suitcase. "Did you learn this from her or was it the other way around?"

"This is something I have to do in person." He looked at her. "She could be there, Cordelia. It's the only thing that makes sense."

"I still can't picture slayer-hen in tramp-ware."

"She's hoping if she goes to the hellmouth looking like Faith, then word won't spread about her return."

"She's hiding from the council." Cordelia crossed her arms. "Which means she's hiding from Giles and Willow."

"Or something else. We don't have all the information."

"We never do. That doesn't mean we drop our lives to find it! Angel," She pulled on his arm making him face her. "You quit being a champion in the fight against evil. Are you quitting on these kids too?"

He shook his head. "I'm coming back."

"You're becoming like her." Her voice grew quiet. "And we know that path doesn't lead good places."

His whole body stilled. "You blame Buffy for the Powers taking Vinny?" His voice sounded deceptively calm.

"You can't abandon your destiny and expect things to work out alright."

"If she'd stayed in Sunnydale, she wouldn't even have Vinny." His brow furrowed in confusion. "She wouldn't have lost him, but she wouldn't have known him."

They stood quietly over his packed bags.

Angel mumbled, "I think he was gonna be left-handed."

"Huh?"

"The way he'd hold onto your fingers," He rubbed his fingers together absently. "his left hand always squeezed just a little bit tighter." His lips smirked slightly. "Kid had a grip. . . he was gonna be a southpaw for sure."

She spoke softly. "It just seems the Powers don't like people changing the script on them." After a short hesitation, she confessed, "I'm scared for you."

Nodding once, he grabbed his bag off the bed. "Don't be." He heard her follow in down the hall. "If something happens to me, the kids will still have somebody." Laughter from Fred and Wesley carried through the halls. He muttered, "They'll have a lot of somebodies."

Angel walked down the stairs towards Groo who after his makeover, looked like an Angel replacement. "You need anything before I go?"

The Groosalugg shook his head. "Your kingdom will be well tended till your return."

Cordelia reached his side. "If she's not there, you'll come right back, right?"

"Of course."

"And if she is . . ."

"Princess," Groo put his arm around her. "A warrior must follow his heart to wherever she flees." With his free hand he picked up hers and brushed his lips across her knuckles.

Angel headed for the door. "I may not be the Powers' champion anymore, but I still recognize my duties to the people I care about." He looked back at the couple. "I learned that from her."

* * *

"Why is everyone set on keeping me out of her life?"Angel stood in the boarded up living room of Buffy's old Sunnydale home. Putting his hands in his pockets, he sighed.

"Look," Faith sat next to Spike on the sofa. "I don't know what happened between you and B, but she doesn't want to hear from you - at least, not now."

"She doesn't know what I have to say."

Spike frowned. "She doesn't care, mate. Your bird left town with naught but a crumb to track her. She doesn't want to hear what any of us have to say."

"She'd want to hear this."

Resting her elbows on her knees, Faith clasped her hands tight. "I'm sorry Angel, but after the big favor she just did us, I can't go doing something I _know _she won't like."

"You both know I would've done the same favor had you asked." He watched her look at her feet "She's family to you. I'm family to her." In a low voice, he pressed, "We're on the same side here."

Spike watched Faith's clenched jaw twitch. "She's happy." Turning to Angel, his tone turned somber, "When I heard the slayer lost her boy . . . " Feeling his throat tighten, Spike shook himself. With sharp intent, he refocused on Angel. "wherever blondie is, whatever she's doing, it's worked a bloody miracle because somehow, she's at rights with this world."

Faith nodded. "If she looked miserable, I'd hand over every scrap." She frowned, "No matter what she said, you wouldn't even have to ask."

"I'm glad she's found some peace, and I not trying to ruin that." He leaned on chair's armrest. "I just need to tell her something."

Spike guessed what that was, "It'll never be over between you. You'll be in love till it kills you both." Spike nodded as he spoke. "You'll fight and you'll shag and you'll hate each other till it makes you quiver, but you'll never be done." He frowned. "Love isn't words Angel; it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will." He leaned back. "She knows everything you're feeling because her blood is screaming too."*

Angel's expression firmed. "She deserves to know what I've done."

Faith sighed. "I'll bite. What have you done Angel?"

* * *

Buffy pushed strands of her short blonde hair behind her ear.

Lying on the floor beside her, Sunny watched Vinny gurgle on her lap. "What you thinking about?" He stared at the carpet. "You've been quiet since you got back."

"Wondering if I made the right call. He surprised me."

"Because he took over Sanctuary."

"He's not just helping keep them safe, he opened up his home. He's turning over his whole life because he thought it's what I'd want."

He made Vinny's toy dance in front of him. "It doesn't change things."

"I didn't think so, but maybe it could." Over unfocused eyes, her brow furrowed.

He looked at her. "Anne, no, it couldn't. You know what Lindsey would say."

Kissing the top of Vin's head, she whispered, "I know."

"You can't let seeing him again mess with what's right."

"I learned my lesson." She breathed in the scent of her baby boy. "I can't have everything. I'm just not sure that what's right doesn't include him." She smirked grimly. "He's made staying away feel as wrong as possible."

"You lived with the idea you'd never see Vinny again. You can live with this too."

Reaching down, she covered Sunny hand and squeezed. "If it hadn't been for Angel I wouldn't have made it to this moment."

"And when you left him, you found Vincent. That's the trade-off: Angel for your family's safety."

"I don't know if I can keep trading away someone who loves me as much as he does."

Turning over his hand, Sunny held hers in his palm. "You have to try."

* * *

That night, Buffy walked into her apartment looking like Faith. She flipped the locks on her door as well as the light switch. Pulling off her jacket, she noticed her answering machine blinking.

She pressed play before unzipping her chunky boots.

"Lindsey here, just wanted to say thanks for leaving dinner in the fridge and for watching Vince last minute." She could hear his heavy sigh. "I realize you're trying. I see that. But it's not you I'm worried about. Things happen that neither of us can stop or change."

She imagined him rubbing his forehead. "That's how we got in this situation to begin with. I'm not trying to keep your kid away from you; I'm trying to keep him safe." She nodded at the machine.

"If we can find a way to do that and have you see him more, that'd be- Annie, that's what I want. You're his mom. He needs you. I need you . . . I wanted to make sure you knew that. I'll see you on Thursday. We can talk more then."

She nodded and took off her jacket as the machine clicked to the next message.

"Anne? It's Liam." She frowned. "You didn't want me to have this number and you don't want to hear from me, but I have something to tell you." Her frown deepened. "When you were here, I didn't get a chance, but we need to talk and it can't be over the phone."

She thought that might be the end of the message but the machine didn't click. "Anne, I only got this number after telling her why I needed it. Trust her. Trust me. It's important." His voice turned down low and quiet, "you deserve to know."

Running her hands through her hair, she looked at the blonde wig on the table. She leaned against the wall and slowly slid down. The table with the answering machine loomed next to her. Looking up, she sighed, "You're really not going to make this easy."

She reached up and grabbed the phone from its perch. She stared at the numbers blankly before dialing.

Holding it to her ear, she listened to it ring and ring and "Hello?"

Her breathing grew shallow. "Liam."

"You called."

"Your message didn't leave much choice."

"Does that mean you'll meet me?"

"Not in California." She added, "Nevada's the closest I'll come."

"How about Las Vegas?" Before she could answer, he started to ramble, "I'm just said that because if you maybe wanted to see Lorne too, that's where he is now, Las Vegas."

She nodded to herself. "I guess with his place burned down, he had to go somewhere."

"He couldn't help us with Sanctuary because of - well, the stage makeup excuse wears out."

When she spoke, her voice was soft. "I'd like to see him. But you'll be coming alone, right? No Lilly or anyone."

"Just me."

"Can you meet this weekend-"

"Yes."

She smiled at his hurried reply. "Okay then, I'll see you Friday night?"

Relieved, he sighed, "Yes."

"I didn't give you my phone number."

"Anne-"

"But I'm glad you have it."

"Friday night."

She nodded. "Friday night."

They hung up at the same time. With phone hands, she held the phone between her bent knees. It felt like a foreign object now. It felt like his. As if his voice could somehow transport him there, she sensed his presence lingering in her apartment.

She wanted to believe things could end differently this time. Ever since she found out he was a vampire, she'd wanted him to be the exception to most rules. He wanted that too, but no matter how much they wanted it, it never proved true.

And yet . . . she raged, _Why couldn't she see him this one time and not have it end tragically? Why couldn't she talk to him without being a horrible mother?_

Looking at a framed picture of Lindsey and Vincent, she let all the reasons this was a bad idea press upon her mind.

She whispered, "Why couldn't you leave it at goodbye?"

* * *

**One review of the series said my writing style leaves a lot to readers' imaginations which I understand can be both good and frustrating. **

**For my lovely, devoted readers, I am entirely happy to write one-shots of any scene in the series you would have liked included. It could be from any point in the series and between any characters. Include the request in a review or PM and I will gladly add Buffy's first night out of the hospital with Vin and Angel, Joyce's last conversation with Angel before she died, Spike getting spit up on, or whatever scenes your heart imagines.  
**

* * *

**Some of Spike's lines were paraphrased from his speech in Season 3 of Buffy episode 8, "Lover's walk."**

**Angel's comments about Vinny's dominant hand came from Angel season 3 episode 18 "Double or Nothing."**

Bottom of Form


	3. Chapter 3: Together

**Chapter 3: Together**

With its mix of dark sky and bright lights, Las Vegas existed properly only at night; Angel could relate. He walked down the strip absorbing its energy and smiled at his thoughts: at that moment, Buffy was on her way to see him. She was on her way to see him because he asked. That was a reason to smile.

The outfit he spotted her in was another reason.

Making her way through the crowd, she smiled too.

Anonymous in a sea of strangers, the couple finally reached each other.

He smirked at her sparkly, green halter and leather pants. "That's how you stay low profile?"

She smiled and shrugged. "It's Vegas."

His eyes crinkled with amusement.

"Mind if we do food first?"

Gazing at her untroubled face, he shook his head. He didn't mind anything if it meant more time together.

* * *

Putting down her sandwich, Buffy looked around at the swanky bar.

"I can't believe Lorne sings at the Tropicana."

He nodded. "In this town, anything really _is_ possible."

"This is my first time not just driving through; it's very - shiny."

His eyes tracked her spreading blush. "You asked me how I did as a human. Back then, I lived in Ireland." She met his eyes. "It took a pretty girl to bring me out of my hometown. She promised to show me the world."

Buffy nodded. "Darla."

He leaned closer. "I've traveled Europe, Asia, and many corners of this New World." He took in her smooth, young features. "I wish you a lifetime of experiences." He grinned. "Without the going evil first."

Her eyes glazed over wistfully. "That'd be nice."

Angel braced himself to saying something, but a waitress appeared with the check. Letting the moment pass, he paid the bill and put his hand over Buffy's. "Ready for the show."

She smiled and keeping her hand in his, she followed him through the crowd.

* * *

Angel and Buffy sat before a stage of Lorne-look-a-like showgirls. Under blue stage lights, their feathers fanned wide to hide the singer behind the voice.

_Hush now, don't you cry  
Wipe away the teardrop from your eye_

The feathers parted revealing Lorne seated in glittering clothes.

_You're lying safe in bed  
It was all a bad dream  
Spinning in your head_

_Your mind tricked you to feel the pain  
Of someone close to you leaving the game of life_

He stood and the dancers spread out.

_So here it is, another chance  
Wide awake you face the day  
Your dream is over... or has it just begun?_

Lorne sang, the girls danced, and lights shot off and sparked their path.

_I will be watching over you  
I am gonna help you see it through  
I will protect you in the night  
I am smiling next to you, in silent lucidity_

Angel noticed Buffy frowning at the performance. It went beyond thoughtful; she looked troubled.

Squeezing her hand, he wished she'd tell him what was wrong if he asked. She caught him staring and tried shrugging away his concern. Tonight was about his honesty - not hers. Maybe when he opened himself up, she'd do the same.

He tried keeping focused on the fact she didn't pull her hand back.

After the song ended, she settled more in her seat. None of Lorne's other songs bothered her, but her hand remained tense.

At the end of the show, the lights came on and people started to stand.

Angel watched her stare at the empty stage. "You want to go find Lorne?" He stood as she stood. "We don't have to. We could just-"

"No, it's fine. Let's go see Lorne. Besides," she smiled sadly, "he already knows we're here."

* * *

Stepping out of his dressing room, Lorne gave her a tight hug. "Honey-blossom, you are fabulous. You look it, you smell it!" He glanced at Angel. "hey there, Angelcakes."

Angel nodded. "Hey."

Lorne straightened away from Buffy. "You should try paradise without broodykins."

Her smile was small but warm. "He's just curious how you knew we were here. We were going for under the radar."

Lorne's eyes widened. "And you are - way under! I didn't expect to be seeing your lovely faces - especially not together." He waved them inside. "I found out when my security guard announced you a minute ago. Why?"

Buffy turned to face him. "You don't usually sing sad songs."

"Oh, creampuff," His whole expression softened. "I wasn't singing about your pain. I was belting out mine." His voice dropped low. "I cared about baby puff before he was born and I care about him after."

She leaned into him gently. "It's good to see you Lorne."

Angel watched her whole body sigh with relief.

Lorne looked back and forth at the couple. "So how long have you two been keeping in touch?"

She stepped back. "It's complicated. "

"Okay, easy question: how's my favorite human?"

"Sunny has found a good place for himself -like you."

Lorne smirked, "got himself a girlfriend did he?"

Nodding and chuckling, she joined him on the couch. "There's not much that could make him happier than he is now."

Lorne watched Angel take a seat silently. "And you know Angelpie has been tending to the rest of your whippersnappers."

Reluctantly, Angel spoke, "She knows."

Lorne patted her knee. "Last I saw they were doing real well."

She put her hand over his. "You were great tonight. Girls and lights and security and," She fake-whispered "did I see your face on a billboard?"

"I'm done playing dives. Only the big stage for me."

"Well, stardom suits you."

"I still do some moonlighting as a psychic if either of you want to-"

"No!" Angel and Buffy looked at each other surprised by the others' strong refusal.

"Guess I'll be the only one singing tonight."

Angel nodded. "Absolutely."

* * *

The couple walked into the bar of Buffy's hotel. With so many distractions in town, few guests sat in the dimly lit hotel bar.

Buffy and Angel found a low table in the corner.

"Did you and Lorne have a fight before he left?"

Angel watched her glittery top sparkle in the shadows. "No."

"Oh. . . It just seemed like- back there, maybe, that you-"

Staring at her top, he spoke absently, "We're not here to talk about Lorne."

"No, we're not here to talk about Lorne." Buffy took a deep breath and forced herself to look at him, to face him. "Why did you call me?"

"I know why you left." His eyes finally met hers. "And I don't think you should ever go back."

"Oh." She blushed. "I'm sorry if me stopping by was bad. I told myself it was the right thing, but I wasn't sure." She looked at her hands. "It's been a while since I've been sure what the right things are."

"I don't want to make it more confusing." Angel reached for her hand. "I wanted to make things easier . . . that's why I had myself cursed."

"What?"

He focused on the feeling of her squeezing his hand. "After you left, I found a way to ground my soul, the way to make it permanent."

She searched his eyes. "But how?"

"I researched every possibility: trials, spells-"

"Curses."

"I already have my soul, so the ways of winning one couldn't help me. What I needed was something to bind my soul to this body - because without it," His eyes met hers intensely, "this body is dangerous."

"Did Myrtle help you?"

"She didn't want to at first, but eventually, she saw it was the only way." His eyes fell back to her hand in his.

Buffy frowned. "What are you saying?"

"I asked Myrtle to curse my soul so it won't leave my body . . . even after my body dies."

"So when you die . . ."

"My soul dies."

"Angel . . ." When he looked at her, she searched his eyes. She sensed him searching hers too. Finally, she asked, "How do you break the curse?"

"You don't. It can't be broken."

Her breathing grew shallow. "Angel," Her brow furrowed as her eyes watered. "Why would you do this?"

"Because I can't be a part of your happiness if I can't be happy myself." His thumb caressed the back of her hand. "That's why you left, right? Because you could never live the way you wanted to in L.A. . . . with me." With water-filled eyes, Angel pressed through her silence with a cracked whisper, "Anne, I can be happy now." He squeezed her hand. "_We_ can be happy - together."

She squeezed his hand back. "I need to tell you something, but right now, all I want to do is take you back to my room." She caressed his cheek. "Can we do that? Can we make love now and forget everything else till tomorrow?"

He breathed out, "God yes."

Her smile reached her eyes as she pulled him up by his hand and led him to her room.

He'd been to hell because of this woman and now they were finally going to get heaven.

* * *

**Lorne performed the song "Silent Lucidity" by Queensryche.**


	4. Chapter 4: Cherry Blossoms

**Chapter 4: Cherry Blossoms**

Buffy had Angel against the wall as she kissed him. Both topless, they eagerly pressed hands to skin and skin to hands.

Moving her hands to his forearms, she pinned them to the wall. She continued kissing him as his arms strained under her hold.

"Buffy."

Slowing down, she rested her forehead against his chest. "I can't."

His gut clenched and twisted.

Before meeting his eyes, she kissed his chest. "I need you to know something." Her thumbs caressed the soft skin of his inner arms. "And I need you to know it before we . . ." She glanced at the wall.

His arms strained against her hold. "Buffy, whatever it is-"

She interrupted firmly, "You need to know." She took a deep breath. "Vinny's alive. I found him." Her voice softened. "I found him and I wasn't even looking."

"But they . . ."

"Took him." She nodded. "The Powers took him from me and gave him to Lindsey." She swallowed amidst her tightening throat. "They told him Vin didn't have a mother anymore and he had to take care of him now, keep him safe."

"You went to see Lindsey." His brow raised with understanding. "That's why you left his note behind so I'd know you chose-"

"No." Her fingers dug into his arms. "I didn't follow him across the country." Frowning in frustration she loosened her hold, "I mean, I did, but I didn't plan-"

"Buffy." Pushing past her loose grip, he reached for her hips. "I don't care. If all we have is this one night, it will be worth it."

"No." She pushed his hands down. "I live alone just outside their town. I am still divorced. I'm still single, and I'm still hoping for a _lifetime_ of nights with you." She searched his eyes. "If I left that note for any reason besides the words it was so you'd have a hint on how to track me."

He reached for her again. She let him. "Did you want that?"

"I wanted _you_, but I didn't think I could have you." She ran her hands down the sides of his stomach. "It wasn't supposed to be possible."

His thumbs stroked the tops of her hips. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?"

Staring at his mouth, she shook her head.

He pulled her closer. "Good." He kissed her and she curled around him.

With their secrets revealed, finally, they could focus on removing the others' pants. Neither fear nor regret would interrupt their intimacy.

Angel's hands lifted her bottom and her legs clung to him eagerly. He spun them, so her back was the one against the wall.

He kissed her mouth, her neck, her shoulder and she stroked his back and shoulders like she was still convincing herself he was real.

Poised just outside of her, he looked into her eyes. "I'm glad you told me about Vincent before . . ." He started pressing inside and she moaned. "It makes this a true test of my soul." He pulled back before moving all the way in. "I couldn't be happier."

Holding him tightly, she looked at him with sparkling eyes. "Me neither."

His touch turned firm making her gasp.

Then, skin, nails, blood, teeth and sweat took the place of words.

* * *

Angel traced the lines of a tattoo on Buffy's hip.

Waking from her doze, she watched him lazily. "Hi."

He kept his eyes on her bared hip. "When did you get this?"

"When got our GEDs, Lilly wanted to do something special to celebrate." She smirked. "Which is why the rest of our celebrations had chaperones."

He rubbed at the feminine windings. "Cherry blossoms."

Her fingers combed into his thick hair. "Not all of us have an artist's eye. Some just have beer and a book."

"They last such a short time." He framed the image with his large hand. "A blooming cherry blossom represents transience. Life, love: vivid and thriving one moment, and simply gone the next."

Her thumb caressed his cheek bone. "I'm sticking with it looked cool on the page."

He rubbed a particular spot. "These lines are new."

On a nod, she sighed, "Sunny and I stopped at a place on our drive across the states. I wanted it to mean something . . . more. " Watching her hand in his hair, she felt him trace the V in the center of the branches. "I don't have anything of yours or my mom's. I've always been too focused on keeping what I have to save reminders of what I've lost." She swallowed. "But Vin is different. I couldn't let him go."

Sensing him look up at her, she tried to sniff back her emotions. "I could have boxes of Vinny's things and it wouldn't be enough. I wanted him _with_ me." She ventured a glance at his eyes. In them, she saw varied emotions: sadness, love, regret, relief, hope.

He gave her tattoo a lingering caress. "I asked you to meet me so I could tell you about my soul. . . . and to say if you want me, I'm with you. I'm not the Powers' champion anymore. I haven't been since you left." He removed his hand from her hip. "I'm not hoping you'll come back to LA but that maybe you'll take me with you." His body became very still. "Life with a vampire is filled with darkness but there will be happiness too."

Frowning, she brought her hand to his chest. "I made a choice coming here. I didn't know how I was going to do it, but," she looked straight into his eyes, "I wasn't leaving you behind again. I want to keep you." Caressing his chest, she snuggled closer. "And you're letting me?"

He nodded fiercely. "Don't let me go." He wrapped his arm around her and pressed her closer against him.

"You neither."

As she tucked herself into his chest, he tucked himself into her hair. No more excuses; they were committed.

* * *

"I had a dream about this."

"You sure it wasn't a nightmare?" Buffy kept her eyes on the road.

"In the dream I wasn't under foil windshield coverings."

Through the rear view, she glanced at the reflective pile in the backseat. "But I was driving?"

"Yup."

"What do you think it meant?"

"That I should teach you how to drive."

Honking at a car cutting them off, she chuckled. "That'll have to wait a few more hours."

From under the pile, he grumbled, "When that sun goes down, I'm taking over."

Her hands fidgeted on the steering wheel? "You sure you don't need to go back to LA - just to wrap things up?"

"I told you; there's nothing to wrap up. Gunn and Lilly have Wes and Fred to help with the kids, Cordelia has the Groosalugg to handle the visions, and Groo has the rest of my clothes."

Reluctantly, she nodded to herself.

The pile shifted as he moved. "We're used to carrying the weight of the world, but we don't have to. Other people can share the load."

She smirked at the mirror. "What a laid back perspective you have Liam."

"Indeed."

Hearing some rustling, she glanced to see a balled up shirt falling out of the pile. "Uh, what are you . . ."

"It's hot under here."

She saw a undershirt slip out of the pile too. "Laid back. I can be laid back." Hearing the clink of a belt buckle, she gulped. "I'm driving through the middle nowhere with a naked vampire. No problem."

The pile shook as he chuckled.

She cleared her throat, "So, let me know when you start getting hungry."

"I'll be fine."

"For two days? Nu-uh."

"My diet is hard to accommodate while on the move. I'll deal."

"Well, I splurge on the fast food on long drives; I was thinking you could do the same-ish."

The pile shifted. "You mean murder a gas attendant because it's convenient?"

She gave the mirror a bland look. "Yes, that's exactly what I meant. You should totally enjoy some killing this trip - just replace kill with nibble and strangers with me."

The pile coughed but didn't reply.

"I've been bit before. It's not that bad, and this way you don't starve and we don't waste time looking for a butcher."

He coughed again. "This is not how I want to have this conversation."

"You've drunk human blood and gone back to animal before. Is it the frequency of feedings or the amount of blood that would make the difference?"

"Buffy."

Considering his serious tone, she matched it. "Is it just uncomfortable to talk about or do you think there's real danger in it?"

"There's always danger."

Nodding, she agreed quietly, "And we need to face it. You may think I'm delusional about us, but I see our situation very clearly." She glanced at the shiny pile. "You are an immortal that feeds on the mortality of others and I'm a really strong mortal determined to be with you." She focused intensely on the highway. "You've changed some of the facts about us, but the rest, we're going to have figure out."

She gave him a chance to sort his thoughts, but when he didn't say anything for a few minutes, she continued, "We lived together, so I know your feeding routine. If you don't eat at seven tonight, you don't get the keys." Another car honked at them and she focused back on the road. "There's more than one kind of danger Liam."


	5. Chapter 5: Acceptance

**Apologies. My work schedule has been yo-yoing, so my goal of updating every week may not include a consistent day. I may update on Fridays or Sundays or whatever days I'm not working these crazy hours. **

**Anyhoo, I read you reviews and it sounds like there is interest in some one-shots from the series, so next time I get a little writer's block on a scene I'll work on some one-shots for ya'll. **

**Chapter 5: Acceptance**

Buffy straddled his lap in the backseat. Resting her hands on his shoulders, she felt his fingers flutter over her hips.

Angel avoided her eyes. "This is awkward."

"First times usually are."

Sputtering on a chuckle, he tried to lean back but the seat stopped his retreat.

"Liam, it's just you and me." She reached down for his hands. "I accept everything you are." Slowly, she placed them on her back. "Your past, your needs," She pressed her hands against his firmly. "your limitations, your fears." Content with his stronger embrace, she wrapped her hands around his neck. "This isn't going to change how I think of you." Leaning forward, she planted kisses along the side of his face as she spoke: "You're going to take a little bite of me to make you strong and then you're going to protect me while I rest and regain my strength." Reaching his earlobe, she sucked and bit down gently. "Okay?"

Puffing out stuttered breaths, his mouth moved down to her neck. "Okay." His arms tightened their hold as he sank his teeth into her soft skin.

Pierced, she gasped and clutched at him as he groaned.

She tasted like power and addiction and life - like everything he'd wanted but didn't think real. A vision of them laughing in the sun stole his awareness. The brightness made everything hard to discern -save their smiles. One after another, images of a life together flashed in his mind shocking his system.

Rearing back, he gasped too. "Buffy."

She quivered in his arms like warm water on the edge of boiling.

Holding her tighter, he licked her wound clean. He lifted her top's strap into place and felt her tense.

She pressed into him with a breathy sigh.

"Anne?"

"You didn't say . . ."

He kissed her weary head. "I love you."

She rested against his shoulder and let herself go limp. "Keys are in my jacket."

* * *

Through the rear-view mirror, Angel watcher her snuggle further into his coat. Her little groans told him she beginning to wake.

Sure enough, she started sitting up and stretching. Lifting her shoulders brought out a wince.

"Sorry."

Still dazed from sleep, she frowned. She reached up and felt around the bite mark. "It's healing quickly." She met his eyes in the mirror and blushed before looking away. She found her jacket on the floor and put it on.

"You never explained why you look like Faith." He moved his eyes to the road. "If you two were in the same town that'd make sense, but you didn't go back with her."

Her sigh sounded a hundred years old. "It's part of the agreement."

Her tone of voice said he didn't want to know this -that knowing couldn't change anything.

He braced himself for whatever deserved that tone from her. "What agreement?"

"I found out about Vinny before I found out about the hellmouth one town over."

His brow rose. "I'd forgotten those rumors about Cleveland."

"Well, they're true, and when I started having demon run-ins, Lindsey got nervous." Sighing, she ran fingers through her hair. "I don't blame him."

"Because of Vincent." His forehead creased.

She nodded. "He ended up giving me a choice: either distance myself from slaying or distance myself from Vinny." She leaned back. "So, this is what I came up with. Looking like Faith whenever I'm not with Vinny keeps it less than clear that there are two active slayers. . . and that one of those slayers has a kid."

"Lindsey worked for Wolfram and Hart, a demonic law firm that is probably still keeping tabs on him, and he thinks you're the liability?"

She hung her head. "I had my chance."

"You did everything possible for him - for both of them." His hands twisted on the wheel. "You gave up Vinny to keep him safe."

"And now I'm playing dress up." She slouched in her seat. "At least this way I get to see him."

He tightened his grip on the wheel. "What else is part of this agreement?"

"Unless it's arranged, I stay away from their side of town."

"Who patrols their neighborhood?"

"Sunny. He rents a spare room in the house."

Angel nodded to himself. When she didn't continue, he pressed, "what else?" She didn't answer, so he pulled to the side of the road and stopped the car.

Slowly, she met is eyes in the mirror. "I'm not supposed to have contact with anyone from my old life."

"But Faith and Spike-"

"I labeled it an exceptional circumstance and because it was a _medical_ crisis, he agreed."

Looking into the night, his brow dropped to a brooding glower. "So this, right now, you and me . . ."

She nodded once. "I made a choice."

"Does he know?"

"We talked before I left. I told him where I was going and who I was planning on coming back with."

He rubbed his face. "God Buffy."

Leaning forward, she rested her chin on his shoulder. "We both gave up a lot to be here. If you could go back, would you choose differently?"

"No, no, no." Shaking his head, he felt her pull his hands down. "I just . . . I didn't." He watched her climb over the seat to sit beside him. "I didn't think. . ."

"You didn't think I could love you as much as you love me."

He continued looking at her with dropped-jaw.

"I know how you feel." She brushed her fingers down the side of his face. "But we love each other the same . . . which is maybe more than either of us thought possible."

* * *

Angel followed Buffy into her apartment. Glancing around, he noticed it looked a lot like places Faith used to stay: no pictures, no knickknacks. Obviously, she didn't consider this her home.

Throwing her bag on the couch, Buffy went around the room closing shades and curtains. "We'll stock up on food for you tomorrow." She same to stand before him "How you doing tonight?"

Setting his bag down, he smiled reassuringly. "I'm fine."

She nodded. "You've been driving for a while so I don't know if you're tired or restless, but I have a bed and a training room - for you know, when the sun is up. And right now, I am going to use the shower because two days without is well, too long."

He caressed her shoulder. "Go, shower, relax. I'll probably just sleep a bit."

She went about darkening the rest apartment before heading for the bathroom.

After glancing around the training room she mentioned, Angel found her bedroom and started undressing.

Coming in for a change of clothes, she bumped into a half-naked Angel and startled. "Sorry, I uh, am not used to other people in the apartment."

He smiled his little half-smile.

Aware of what information she'd given away, she continued on her way with a faint blush.

Angel laid back on the bed and dozed to soothing household sounds: rushing water, drawers opening and closing, the medicine cabinet, soft humming. . .

Eventually, Buffy came out of the bathroom, but she didn't join him immediately. Instead, she leaned in the bedroom doorway enjoying the view.

She couldn't tell if he slept or not, but she knew he'd let her look at him as long as she liked. Content to savor, Buffy watched him as she towel dried her hair.

Something about the nature of his stillness gave him away. She smirked, and then, he did too.

In awe, she watched him open his eyes. Seeing her expression, his smirk faded into an expression of complete peace.

Her eyes roamed every inch of him. "I've imagined a lot of things about us, but I never imagined you here."

He took in her pajama-clad form as she finger combed her hair. "You used to talk about feeling normal. I think that's what I'm feeling now." He tried to hide his embarrassment with a smile. "It's been a while, so I could be wrong."

She set her towel down and turned off the bathroom light. Coming to the bed, she crawled over next to him. He put his arm around her and she curled up around his chest. "My life is a rubber band ball of crazy, but right now, with you? I feel very normal." She cuddled closer. "I feel everything I want to feel."

With his other hand, he made his fingers hover over the bite mark. "Even with this?"

Lifting her hand, she pressed his over the fading mark. "It doesn't have to make sense to be true."

His eyes moved from their hands to her eyes. "We're really here."

On a sigh, she whispered, "We're here."

With arms around each other, they closed their eyes and savored the closeness. After everything they'd done to get there, they deserved to rest in the moment.

* * *

**I love getting feedback so keep me posted on what you like or don't like. I'm a better writer now than I was when started this thanks to your reviews.**


	6. Chapter 6: Welcome to Karma

**I am not going to have a weekend for a couple weeks due to work, so I am uploading two chapters this week instead of one. Let me know what you think.**

* * *

**Chapter 6: Welcome to Karma**

"Now, the final touch." Concealed behind a large dumpster in the ally, Buffy placed a ball cap on Angel. She stepped back with a smile.

"We good?" Angel glanced down at his hoodie and blue jeans.

"If I was patrolling, I wouldn't give you a second glance."

He helped her finish pinning her blonde wig. "Guess a brunette wig wouldn't work for slaying."

"Wigs don't really work for anything." She stuffed her duffle with their dark clothes. "Vinny's pulled this one off once or twice. Just don't tell his dad." She winked and stashed the bag behind some cardboard slabs.

Holding out his hand, he smiled when she took it. "You sure you want to surprise him?"

"It won't be that much of a surprise." They walked around the corner out towards the street. "I told him I want you in my life . . . .all the way, no holding back."

Angel frowned. "No playing it safe. . . "

"We tried that. It didn't work. " She squeezed his hand. "We lost everything anyway."

He nodded and followed her through town.

They passed gas stations and coffee shops, bars and railroad tracks.

"Welcome to Karma, Ohio."

Angel had seen plenty of towns like this, but knowing this was Buffy's home now made him take note of every detail - the cracked roads, the smiling strangers, the quiet.

Finally, Buffy stopped in front of a small two story house with peeling paint and toys on the lawn.

She gave his hand another squeeze before leading them around the back. She grabbed the extra key from under the mat and unlocked the door, but she didn't go in. She waited.

With kitchen smells and the sound of a TV running, the owner was obviously in. Sure enough, after a moment, Lindsey passed through the hall and noticed the open door. Seeing who stood outside the threshold, he stopped in his tracks.

Buffy smiled slightly. "Hi."

Lindsey stared at them a moment longer before replying. "Come in . . . both of you."

With the necessary invite, Angel followed her inside.

Lindsey nodded. "Angel."

He nodded back. "Lindsey."

Buffy peaked passed him. "Where's Vin?"

"In the living room with Sunny." As they passed him on their way to Vince, Lindsey called out, "You two staying for dinner?"

Buffy called back, "Yes."

Though he had plenty of questions about that encounter, Angel let himself be swept along in Buffy's enthusiasm to see her son.

As soon as they rounded the corner, her whole body lit with energy. "Hey buddy." She bent down to greet Vinny as Sunny stared at Angel.

Like Lindsey, Sunny didn't give more than nod of acknowledgement. Sitting on the floor with Vin, he reached over to turn down the TV. "So, trip went well?"

She rubbed her baby's head and kissed his cheek. "Very well."

Slowly, Angel moved himself to floor. Sitting in the same room with Vinny felt surreal. He'd forced himself to accept the idea he'd never see those eyes again. Now, he needed to accept that what he was seeing was real; Vinny wasn't harmed or lost to them forever in another dimension. He was just as he should be fine: bald and drooling and beautiful.

Angel watched Buffy play with Vin, and Sunny watched all of them. After a few minutes, Sunny started to stand. "If you want some bonding time, he could do with a changing."

"Come on buddy." Picking him up, Buffy practically glowed. Angel shared her excitement for the task. Any time with the little boy was a blessing.

Sunny watched him follow her up the stairs before heading to the kitchen. Lindsey sat at the small kitchen table with a beer. Sunny grabbed one for himself. Leaning against the counter, he took a swig. "Didn't expect that."

Lindsey took a long drink. "Her bringing him back, or me letting him in?"

"Both." He puffed out a chuckle. "Though, I don't know how anything surprises me anymore."

"She made it clear they're a package deal." He put down the bottle. "It scares me to hell, but I'm not willing to do without her. Me and Vin need her around."

"Not criticizing man." Sunny held up a hand. "I know all about taking the bad with the good."

Lindsey grabbed his beer and moved to check on vegetables. "They do that well - looking like ordinary people."

"Anne's got plenty of practice."

Smiling bitterly, Lindsey took another drink. "Apparently, she fooled me our entire marriage."

Sunny tossed his empty bottle in the recycling. "Until you can remember that time, you don't get to judge it." Picking up the full garbage bag, he headed towards the back porch. "She ain't the one who broke your family, but she is the one who kept it alive."

* * *

While Buffy held Vinny up, Angel slipped a diaper underneath him. When she put him down again, Angel gave him his finger to hold. Vinny smiled, and Angel smiled too. "He's gotten so big."

"His attempts at walking have gotten pretty serious." She lightly tickled her baby. "Still no interest in talking to any of us but plenty of moving going on." She smirked as his giggles tempered.

"A man of action. I can respect that." Angel watched as she finished with the powder and taped him closed.

"Let's hope his actions are more successful than his parents'."

"In our defense, saving everyone forever, may have been an unrealistic goal to set."

She frowned. "Not everyone - just everyone we met . . . or heard about . . ." Her frown broke into a smile at the realization he may be right. She stepped back to let him pick up Vin.

At first Angel didn't understand, but when he did, he wasted no time. For the first time since that terrible night, he held Vinny in his arms.

"Hey slugger. How you doin'?" Bringing him close, Angel looked down at the top of his precious head. "What's going to happen now?"

Sensing his shift in mood, her smile faded. "I don't know." She busied herself putting supplies away. "That is entirely up to Lindsey. The important thing is that he's safe, and even if we won't see him, we'll get to hear how he's doing . . ."

With his free arm, Angel brought her close too and kissed the top of her head firmly. "He's going to grow up strong like his mom."

They both fought tears.

"I should just be thankful he gets to grow up at all." She smiled up at him. "He might even get a normal life."

* * *

They sat around a table filled with pot roast, vegetables and awkwardness.

Lindsey stared at his plate. "So how long you here for?"

"As long as she is." Angel and Buffy held hands under the table.

"And how long will that be?''

Buffy braved eye contact. "If you don't want us around Vinny, it doesn't matter where we go."

Lindsey dug back into his food with a grumble.

Sunny looked at Angel. "How is everybody?"

Angel nodded absently. "Lilly and Gunn discovered construction is good for frustrated kids. We couldn't restore the whole hotel before moving people in, so there' no shortage of projects. Everyday someone is tearing down walls or painting something. It's loud and chaotic and giving everyone involved much needed outlets for restless energy and anxiety."

"Anxiety? LA getting that bad?"

"High school is hell." Angel smirked at Buffy. "Or so they tell me."

Buffy turned to Sunny. "With the hotel taking on Sanctuary's living arrangements, the hunter warehouses are practically empty. Gunn banned recruiting, so fewer and fewer kids are even aware of the evil around them."

Lindsey guffawed. "And that's a good thing?"

"Whatever childhood is still possible, I want to give them."

His gaze sharpened. "_You_ want to give them?"

"_Wanted." _Buffy looked down._ " _I _wanted_ to give them a normal childhood when they were my responsibility - the same way I now want to shelter Vinny."

"Gonna be tough with a vampire eating your neck every night."

Even thought her bite marks were covered, Buffy automatically lifter her hand to it and blushed.

Angel glowered. "We all have connections to things Vincent doesn't need to know about."

"And you and I have spent enough time away from those elements to know we don't need them. Destinies and positions of power don't mean a thing when someone we love needs us." Lindsey looked at Buffy. "But Annie just can't seem to stay away. She keeps tracking it home like trash stuck under her shoes."

Sunny sipped his water. "Careful man."

After stabbing a piece of meat, Lindsey pointed his fork at her. "If you mess this up, Vincent may not get a third chance to stay here."

Buffy put down her fork quietly. "Are you throwing me out?"

"No." Lindsey took an angry bite. "You're stuck to my shoe like _he_'s stuck to yours. Vince will just have to live with trash in his house."

Angel made a low growl, and Buffy touched his arm sighing, "Let's say goodnight to Vinny and go home."

Nodding, he followed her out.

* * *

Angel and Buffy entered their apartment in familiar dark clothing. Continuing to shake out her brown hair, Buffy threw their duffel of disguises in a closet.

"You gonna tell me what that was about?"

Buffy shrugged out of her jean jacket. "Lindsey doesn't approve of my life choices."

"We expected his reaction. What I didn't expect was yours."

"We're lucky he let us in the door." Tossing her jacket on couch, she stood in a simple camisole. "As long as he keeps letting us in, he can yell at me all he wants."

"He'll never understand how wrong he is if you don't speak up." She mumbled something and his eyes widened. "What?"

"I said he's not wrong."

"Buffy," Angel didn't have words for how shocked he felt. "You aren't trash in your son's life."

"He pays the consequences for my choices, and that still doesn't stop me."

"You are _not_ a bad mom."

"I failed as a daughter and a wife." She leaned her hands against the couch. "I think we both need to accept my failure as a mother." She glanced back at him. "You might want to sit." She leaned harder against the couch pushing it over and revealing all the papers stuck to its bottom.

Angel stared blankly. "What is this?"

Taking his hand, she walked back to the wall and slid them both down to the ground. "This is me being completely honest with you."

They sat across from her truth in complete silence.


	7. Chapter 7: One Last Thing to Prove

**Chapter 7: One Last Thing to Prove**

"Buffy, I don't know what you want from me." Angel blinked at the displayed pages. "I thought you wanted normal, but this is . . .

"Not."

Finally, Angel looked at her. "Do you want to be the slayer again?"

"No." She glanced back at him. "But I have the power to make my son's world safer."

"I don't - Buffy, this is . . ."

"Crazy."

He breathed out. "Yeah."

"It can be done. I saw it." She frowned at her work. "I just haven't figured out the best way."

Letting go of her hand, Angel crawled forward. "Sealing a hellmouth has got to be risky. Buffy, some of these ideas-" He squinted at a collection of post-its. "They're really dangerous."

"When Lilly and I crawled out of that hell dimension, it literally disappeared behind us - same with Acathla." She met his eyes bravely. "Dimensions to other worlds can close completely without harming this one and without leaving behind mystical energy." She stared at her notes. "I didn't open the mouths to hell, so there has to be a way to shut them down without me dying."

"Assuming that's even enough power."

Her nose crinkled. "I know."

"Who else has been working this problem?"

She didn't answer.

His brows shot up. "You haven't ask for help?"

"I thought about contacting Wesley, but when I saw what he has going on in L.A. -I mean, this is so _not_ something he'd want to get wrapped up in."

He looked at her carefully a moment. "Okay, what about Giles or Willow or hell, even Spike? You've known a lot of people with knowledge of this kind of stuff."

"I told my ex-husband about us and I told you about this." She waved at the couch. "I think I'm awkward-conversationed out."

He frowned at a pinned 3x5 card. "You're willing to close a hell dimension from the inside, but are too cowardly to reach out to the people you've hurt."

"Yup." She pursed her lips. "Some apologies are best saved for the afterlife."

"You can't do this alone." He plucked up a card of scribbles. "So who on this list of crossed out resources scares you the least?"

* * *

"You're leaving again?"

Buffy sat with Sunny in park's sandbox. "The last trip was for me; this one is for him."

Sunny looked at Vinny digging a little hole. "All your boy needs is his mom."

"And if everything goes according to plan-"

"What plan?" Sunny rolled his eyes.

"The one Wesley is going to help me come up with, and when it's over, Vinny will have me and a much safer place to live." She leaned closer. "Do you really think Cleveland's hellmouth isn't a problem?"

"Course it is. But why you makin' it yours?"

"I'm not sure I am. The powers gave Vinny to Linds for a reason. Either they care about Vince having a normal human upbringing or . . . ."

"Or what? They magically guessed you'd run to Ohio and pick up the slayer torch to save Vin from a hellmouth he doesn't even live over?"

She shrugged. "Maybe they knew or maybe I'm getting paranoid . . . but I can't deny I was born with extraordinary powers. I can't protect Vinny from every evil, but maybe I can lessen it."

"What are you going to tell Lindsey?"

"That this is the last time. I'm going to do one huge thing for the safety of mankind then I retire - for good."

"I don't buy it." Sunny looked down solemnly. "He won't either."

Buffy drew her finger through the sand. "It's time people rescued themselves. It's time I let them." She filled in one of the holes her son had abandoned. "After the hell mouths are closed, if I make it through this, that's it. I'm ready to lay roots."

"I can't tell if the world is set against you getting what you want, or if you don't know what you want."

"Angel is stumped too."

Sunny started to stand. "Do whatever you want Anne." He wiped off the sand. "You always do." Before she could reply, he followed Vincent's crawl trail and picked him up.

Buffy watched her close friend hold her son. Sunny wore a sad but resigned expression. She knew that expression well.

She wanted to survive whatever came for a lot of reasons. She wanted to see her son grow up, she wanted to watch Sunny grow too, and more than anything, she wanted to see her loved ones be happy again.

The days of quiet resignation were over. She'd proved it by closing both hellmouths permanently . . . even if that was the last thing she proved to them.

* * *

Buffy lay on the floor of Lindsey's house across from Vinny and Angel. Knowing this might be their last night with him, both Angel and Buffy felt content to watch him play. Vinny took turns chewing and stacking the doughnut rings. He drooled and squealed smelled just like a baby should.

Lindsey stood in the door. "Can I talk with you a moment - alone."

Buffy crawled to stand and followed him out. She closed the door behind her.

"It's not your night to watch him." Lindsey stopped her from cutting in "-But Sunny said this was your last night here, so he made an exception. You want to tell me what's going on?"

"Angel and I are going back to L.A. to get help closing a hellmouth."

"A what?"

"Before we met, I kinda stood guard over a portal to hell. My job was to keep it from opening and protect the town from evils attracted to it."

"And what makes you think it's going to open now?"

"My main concern is that not far from here, there's another one."

"What? Where?!" Lindsey lifted his hand over his mouth and dragged it down wearily. Pulling her by the arm, he whispered, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been handling Vinny and I've been handling the rest. That's why I had to start slaying again. The hellmouth isn't _in_ town, but it's close enough to cause problems."

Lindsey leaned against the wall shaking his head. "I grew up here."

"I want to be a good mom for Vincent, but we both know I'm not right now." She looked down. "Scrubbing blood off my hands on the walk over here isn't working for either of us."

Lindsey's eyes found hers. "It's better than not having you here at all."

A faint smile glimmered across her lips. "I think so too."

"Annie."

"I'm lucky. Most moms can't change the world for their kids. If I can make just one of these theories real, that's exactly what we'll do." She reached for his hand.

He watched his hand in hers. "I don't want to lose you."

She glanced at Vinny's door. "Just the thought of him will keep me careful."

"Please stay." His hand tightened. "We can leave -go some place where we can be a family."

"Don't you see? I'm doing this for our family."

"I love you."

"You don't." His fierce expression hardened hers. "You love that I love you, and that's a hard thing to lose; I know."

"It's not my fault I don't remember!"

"And this isn't mine." Glancing at the door, she lowered her voice. "We stopped, and I had to find a way to go on. We couldn't be the most important people in each others' lives anymore."

"So you're never going to forgive me."

"There's nothing to forgive." She lifted their entwined hand. "Linds, me leaving isn't about us. It's about Vin. He already has a good dad. He needs a good mom and a safer town. By leaving now, I can give him both."

"Or you can get yourself killed."

"Those are the options, yeah." She smirked.

He did too. Soon, they were both smiling, though, neither could say why.

Lindsey nodded towards the door. "And Angel is on board with this?"

"He thinks I'm crazy." She grinned and Lindsey shook his head.

"At least we agree on something."

She stroked his arm. "It's going to be okay. I'm a superhero remember? Being awesome is kind of what I do."

He squeezed her hand one last time before letting go. "Put him to sleep for me?"

She smiled radiantly. "Thank you." She walked back into Vinny's room. "Hey buddy."

Lindsey listened to Buffy and Angel murmur to each other a moment before walking away. On the way to the stairs, he turned to the wall. Holding it with one hand, he punched it with the other. The murmurs from Vinny's room stopped, but no one came out.

They didn't ask if everything was alright because they all knew it wasn't.

He pulled his hand from the wall and continued towards the stairs.

From Vinny's room, Angel and Buffy listened to Lindsey's feet go down the steps.

Angel watched her snuggle close to Vin. "Are you sure?"

She frowned.

"About this." He looked at the floor. "About us?"

"Nothing about this is going to be easy, but no, I don't doubt the choices we made . . . you?"

He shook his head. "I love you."

"I know. I love you too."

Their eyes met and held a moment before they returned their attention to the child between them. Vin gurgled happily bringing tears to Angel and Buffy's smiling faces.

* * *

**I don't plant to post next week or the week after due to work, but here's hoping either I can sneak in a quick post or three weeks from now, I get a weekend. **

**Your reviews are what keep this crazy writing train on track, so what do you think so far?**


	8. Chapter 8: Closer

**Okay patient readers, to make up for my lack of posting, this week you will be getting two posts (the next one with go up about an hour after this one). And this chapter in particular is full of Bangle goodness. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 8: Closer**

The train floor was littered with books and notes.

Looking over a notepad, Angel sighed.

Buffy pulled another book from the pile. "We'll figure this out. Discouragement is easy."

Scribbling something, he frowned. "I'm just not seeing viable alternatives to the leading plan."

She smiled. "The one that we're not sure how to do exactly?"

"Yeah, that one."

"You grounded your soul, and I found a safe way to travel cross-country with a vampire." She shifted sideways on the bench so her back was against the wall. "Whatever the kinks in our plan, we'll deal. We always do."

He looked at the securely covered windows. "I _do _like not having to drive."

She lifted a skeptical brow.

"Okay, I like not having _you_ drive." He watched her nod. "But being able to get work done on this trip is nice too."

She smiled cheekily. "Thank you monsieur."

"Is this your first train ride?"

"It really is." She listened to the whirring of wheels on tracks. "I'm finding the constant movement and screeches only mildly disturbing."

"It's been a long time since I've been on train." He scanned the blue and metal mini-room. "They've changed."

"Amazing what can happen in a century."

He didn't reply.

She glanced over her book and he gave her a pained smile. "What's wrong?" She reached over to touch his shoulder gently. "I was only joking. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings - make you feel old."

He watched he silently for a moment. "But I am and if all goes well, I'll continue to be."

She smiled sadly. "A century from now, you'll still be around."

He swallowed slowly. "Yeah . . . and you . . ."

"Won't." Closing her book, she reached out for his hand. "Even if we get everything we want here, we won't have forever because I'm not going to live that long." She watched her hand caress his. "You have centuries ahead of you and you'll be facing them alone."

"I realize this is it for me - these are the happiest years of my existence."

She tried hard to smile to keep her face from crumbling. "A hundred years from now you can ride a hover train and remember this trip together. You can remember me . . . and us."

He squeezed her hand. "I'll never stop."

Leaving aside such heavy thoughts, they returned to their studies, but they didn't get go of the others' hand.

They held on because they needed to and because they could.

* * *

Buffy stared at the ceiling above her bunk. Hours ago, they'd decided it was time to sleep, but she sensed thoughts plaguing them both. She murmured into the dark, "After I die, will you go back to being the Powers' champion?"

From the bunk beneath her, he answered, "I don't know what I'll do." After a moment, he added. "What would you want?"

"Whatever you do, I want you to be careful." She spoke through a tightening throat. "Vinny and his kids are going to need their guardian Angel."

The bunks were too small to share, but Angel badly wished he could hold her. "I'll watch over your family. I promise."

"I don't want you to be alone." The scent of her quiet tears filled the air.

"I won't be." He tried to make his voice reassuring. "I'll find a purpose again and people to share it with."

Trying to keep the tears in, she squeezed her eyes tight. "You'll be happy?"

"I'll try."

"Try really hard okay?" Her voice broke. "And . . . . if you find love again, forget guilt. I want your life to be filled with love."

"I don't like imagining my future, but whatever it brings, you'll still be my girl."

Dragging along her blanket, Buffy crawled down from her bunk. "How's the floor for you?"

Instantly, Angel tossed his own pillow on the ground. "Perfect."

Slipping from his bunk, he snuggled close to her embracing her with both arms.

Banishing fear, they both let the presence of the other soothe them to sleep.

* * *

Angel scratched out another item on the list.

On the floor across from him, Buffy pursed her lips. "Which one have you given up hope on?"

"You are the foundation of all my faith, but we don't have near enough resources to destroy an entire hell dimension."

Her nose crinkled. "It was kind of a long shot."

"True, though, it would have taken care of the problem." He ran his hand through his hair. "That leaves us with the leading plan of making a permanent divide between this dimension and that one."

"We know those divides exist otherwise this place would have been conquered by hell beasties millennia ago."

"I've heard it said there are as many hell dimensions as there are evil thoughts."

Buffy frowned at the book in her lap. "But only a few bleed over."

"Just because we know there are dividers between this reality and others doesn't mean we have the power to create one."

"Why not?"

Angel stared at her blankly. "I called Willow and Giles."

"What?" Her eyes widened.

"Whatever plan Wesley and us come up with, Willow and Giles will help us execute. Along with Faith and Spike, they'll be our resources once we get to Sunnydale."

"They're in Sunnydale?"

"Not yet, but they should be there any day."

"Oh my god. . ." Her breathing grew heavy. "Why?"

His eyes glistened with moisture. "Because I believe in you. If you say there's a way to do this, then we'll find it, but we can't do it alone."

Looking at the scattered books, her eyes glazed with thought. "They must hate me."

"You'll have a talk I'm sure, but for now, their anger is directed solely at me."

"That makes no sense."

"They helped me when I needed it. They trusted me, and I didn't tell them I found you. All the times they contacted me and I never said a word - I was too scared of losing you."

She shook her head slowly. "I don't even know what to say to him."

"Giles was a watcher; now he trains watchers. Next to Faith, he understands the burden of being a slayer better than anyone." Reaching over, Angel squeezed her ankle. "Give him a chance."

"I have so much good in my life - Vinny and Lindsey and you. I guess it's time to face some of the harder stuff."

"As angry as they might be, it's because they love you." Angel looked at her leg under his hand. "Knowing you were in pain and I couldn't even _try _to ease it - it nearly drove me mad."

Buffy stared at his hand. "You were in hell. . . . and I couldn't take it back. Even if I could," she frowned, "-I couldn't. I . . . I think I did go mad."

His nostrils flared and his jaw clenched. "We've all experienced loss, but you found a way to keep giving. It will take time, but once the hurt fades, they'll be proud of you." He ran his thumb across her ankle. "Like I am."

Though it wavered, her smile remained constant. "Thank you."

He scooted closer to her. "This will be the hard part, but if we can get through this - what comes next is the best future possible for us."

She leaned forward to take his hand. "'Us' and 'future' in the same sentence is still pretty mind blowing."

His eyes reflected strength and certainly. "We've earned it."

She leaned forward and so did her. They kissed in the middle over books and notes and dreams of their future.

* * *

In the darkness of their room, Angel and Buffy lay naked and entwined on the floor. Books and notes had been put on bunks to make room for their makeshift bed.

Angel mindlessly caressed the ends of her hair while Buffy savored the feel of his chest against her cheek.

He looked up at the covered window as he talked. "Before Joyce died, she said something to me."

Buffy remained quiet.

"Watching you in LA, she saw how burdened you were with the lives of others. She said any partner of yours would need to be strong enough to share that load. She gave me her blessing."

Buffy stilled.

"When I see what needs to be done, it's hard to slow down for a conversation; it's equally hard not to simply let you take charge."

Her fingered drew slow circles on his chest. "Because I'm bossy."

The hand resting on her ribcage squeezed gently. "Because you're smart and experienced and I trust you completely . . . sometimes, more than myself." Angel lay his hand on her back. "I need you to tell me: did I step over the line calling them?"

"Maybe . . . but you were right: it needed doing."

Nestling close, he kissed her forehead. "Whatever happens, I'll still be by your side . . . for better and worse."

She nodded into his chest. "Your mine."

"Always."


	9. Chapter 9: Don't Ask Enjoy

**Chapter 9: Don't Ask. Enjoy**

Holding hands, Buffy and Angel stood outside the gate of the Hyperion.

Eventually, she sighed, "Okay, I'm ready."

With duffle bags slung across their shoulders, they walked into their former home.

Kids of various ages lounged about the lobby. Buffy recognized a few faces, but didn't know if she wanted them to recognize hers.

"Anne?"

Turning, Buffy saw Raquel and Gemma standing by the counter holding a baby. "Hi."

"You're coming back?"

Buffy shook her head sadly. "Just a visit. How's Kyle?"

"A pain." Gemma smirked at her baby but quickly sobered when she looked back. "Of course, I'm still glad I have him." She shifted awkwardly.

Approaching her, Buffy murmured, "It's alright."

Raquel stared at her shoes. "We didn't think we'd see you 'round after . . . "

"Anne?" Cynthia approached slowly before throwing herself into a hug. "You're okay."

Bernie came up behind her. "Is it true Sunny went with you?"

Cynthia leaned back a smidge. "Did Liam find you?"

Some of the other kids started crowding around so the next outburst was welcome. "Oh. My. God! You're brunette."

Buffy smiled at Cordelia. "And you're blonde."

Cordy patted her new hairdo. "We didn't know you were coming." She glared at Angel. "_Someone _didn't tell us."

Angel glanced around. "Wesley here?"

"Yeah, he's-." Cordelia hollered behind her, "Wesley!" She turned back.  
"He'll be down in a minute."

Fred appeared from office. "Oh, hey there Angel's friend- Faith right?"

Buffy smiled. "Kinda. It's good to see you again."

Angel shrugged a shoulder. "We're going to put our things down and then find Wes." He nodded to the kids. "Just because we have a visitor doesn't mean lights out time is any different."

Seeing their faces fall, he added, "She's not leaving tomorrow, so there will be time to catch up."

Fred called after them heading up the stairs, "So, good trip?"

He just smiled back at her.

Cordelia turned to the kids. "You heard the man. It's time to starting getting ready for bed. Come on, off you go."

As kids filed out, Fred stared at the staircase. "They seem a fittin' pair of lovebirds." She turned to Cordelia. "Does this mean he's given up pining for his sweetheart?"

"With Angel's love life, it's best not to ask questions; the answers are always disturbing." Cordelia shook her head. "Now, how about we get this place straightened up?"

Fred nodded and set to work.

* * *

Buffy and Angel knocked on the open door.

Wesley nearly jumped out of his chair. "Angel, B-buffy. When did you get in?"

"Now." Buffy glanced around the hotel room which was now furnished with shelves and books. "It's like a library. Look at this place; it's beautiful."

As she walked around, Wesley started cleaning his glasses. "They're not all demon books either. We've put together quite a collection. It helps the kids with their school work."

Buffy smiled at the standing globe. "You've have done an incredible job, and it's only been a few months." She grinned at him. "Are you sure you didn't use magic?"

He replaced his glasses. "I admit I never saw myself leaving the world of demon hunting, but I find this work suits me well. It's like being an active watcher save for my charges are many and we get to part on optimistic terms."

"I guess most watcher jobs end with a funeral."

Wesley shared her grave expression. "Either hers or ours."

Angel scanned his desk. "Have you started research?"

"Indeed." Wesley scurried back to his desk.

Taking a seat, Angel perused the piled books. "I hope you're had better luck than us."

Wes leafed through his notes. "You two never fail to attempt the impossible."

From her jacket, Buffy pulled out her own notes. "We're just trying to keep your mind sharp."

Angel smiled. "It's true, being around this one will keep you young."

She smiled back although she didn't feel young at all. She didn't think she looked it either - not with permanent bags under her eyes and deepening frown lines. She assumed his love kept Angel blind to her aging; for that, she was grateful.

If she couldn't look young and radiant at least she had someone who saw her that way.

* * *

"Anne, you better get your blonde butt down here!"

Stepping out of the library, Buffy walked to the banister and peaked down. "Lil."

Lilly's mouth fell open. "Who are you?"

Buffy looked down and realized she was wearing her Faith-get-up: snakeskin miniskirt and see-through blouse. She scurried down the stairs. "I know I look like-"

"-like you couldn't possibly be a responsible person."

Buffy just smiled before wrapping her friend in a hug.

Lilly held her tight. "Why do I get the feeling this isn't a visit?"

"If it was, you'd be the first person I'd see." She stepped back and stroked Lil's long hair. "This is business."

"You were supposed to get a break from all this."

Buffy gave a little shrug. "Trust me, I got something better."

"Gunn and I are getting married." Lilly squeezed her hand.

"What?" Buffy's eyes widened with gleeful surprise. "That's great Lil." She hugged her again. "I am so happy for you, for both of you."

"I wanted to tell you right after but . . ."

"I know; I didn't really leave a way."

Lil's eyes took on an anxious intensity. "But you've been okay? And Sunny -he's good?"

"We've got a semi-normal life for ourselves -quirks and all. He'll be so glad to hear our best friend is getting married to the perfect guy for her."

"Do you think you and him might come to the wedding?" Seeing her hesitate, Lilly continued. "It's not going to be a big thing but it'd mean a lot to us if you were there." Lilly glanced down. "You and Sunny are the closest family we have, but if it's too hard, we don't want you risking anything."

Buffy placed a hand on her friend's cheek. "If it's at all possible, we'll be there."

"You'd be proud of Gunn. He only patrols with Cordelia's super-hunk, and he keeps the kids out of it, playing it safe." Lilly smiled.

She mirrored it. "You guys have done an amazing job - with everything."

Angel walked down the stairs. "Lilly."

Lilly stared at him but spoke to Buffy. "Cynthia told me you were back."

Coming to Buffy's side, he replied, "Not for long."

Buffy's eyes saddened. "I should have been the one to tell you."

"Well is there anything I can do to help? What's going on?"

Angel took Buffy's hand. "We have it handled. Wesley is figuring it out with us." Buffy frowned at his cold tone.

"'Us' . . ." Lilly looked at their clasped hands. "Does that mean you and he are?"

Glancing back at Lilly, she nodded. "I promise you it's a good thing."

"Not possible."

"Lil."

Lilly continued staring at the couple's hands. "You are a centuries-old demon and you don't see how bad this is?"

He looked down at her with black eyes. "What I see is that I found her without your help and we're both choosing to give this a shot."

Turning her glare on him, Lil jabbed a finger. "_You_ are going to ruin her life."

Buffy chastised, "Lilly!"

Throwing a parting glare at Angel, she focused back on her friend. "Since he came back into your life I've seen you lose Lindsey and Vincent. You don't have much more to lose." She scowled. "This 'choice' is going to get you killed." She eyed the bite mark on Anne's neck. "It's suicide."

"_Slaying_ is suicide, but that's what I'm here to do. I'm trying to make the world a safer place in a big way but it's dangerous." She reached for Lilly's hand. "If I survive this it will because of Angel and because I have people in my life that I love and want to stick around for."

Lilly croaked, "You and Sunny were safe."

"And we're still RSVPing to your wedding." She smiled. "We might even bring a few surprise guests if I can talk them into it."

Angel's brows raised. He couldn't imagine Lindsey agreeing to such a trip, but then again . . . it was hard to deny Buffy anything.

Lilly whole demeanor sagged as she sighed, "I really hate your life."

Buffy huffed out a laugh. "I do too some days." Pulling on her hand, she lead her towards the kitchen. "But this is not one of those days."

Angel didn't follow them. He watched them and relaxed his rigid posture. Lilly might never fully forgive him for the affect he had on her friend's life, but for now, the painful accusations met their end.

Painful memories barraged him as he looked around the lobby.

_Front counter: After hearing her mother's diagnosis, Buffy turned into Angel's arms "Is this really happening?"_

_Bedroom: Holding Vincent's hand, she looked at Angel with sad eyes. "I'm taking over your life."_

_He smiled. "You've been doing__ that__ since I first saw you." _

_Garden: He grabbed Buffy's arm. "Why wouldn't you ask what's coming? Talk to me!"_

_Office: Her voice crackled over the cell phone. "Liam, I need a friend. I need __you__." He heard her take breathe deeply. "I __want__ you."_

_Baby room: He watched her add Vinny's duck toy to the bag."Are you leaving me?" _

_She met his eyes. "I know you want us. You want redemption more. That's not my fight." Looking down, she took his hand. "I have to do what's right for my family."_

_Lobby couch: "They didn't take him," Buffy croaked. "I gave him up."_

_Bathroom: He let her unfasten his belt before whispering against her lips, "Buffy."_

_Finally, she met his eyes straight on. "This isn't about happiness."_

_Bedroom: He placed a hard kiss on her shoulder. "You try something with the sun shining down and I'll be right there." He felt her nails dig into his arm. "Make no mistake Buffy, if you want to die, you're going to have to kill us both."_

_"How am I supposed to go the rest of my life not seeing him, not h-holding h-" her own tears cut her off._

_Lobby: Angel swore in a low voice, "I promise this is the last time."_

_She lolled her head to look at him. "This is your life Angel. You can't escape destiny." _

_"This isn't the end."_

_Office: Angel met Wesley's eyes. "Tell the others Angel Investigations is closed until further notice." He focused back on his notes. "I have work to do. I won't get distracted again."_

Along with the women's chuckles from the kitchen, Angel could hear kid sounds upstairs: footsteps, voices, giggles. Like his own soul, his hotel hummed with happiness. This moment could make all their past pain worthwhile . . . unless it cost them her life. He feared it might. He sensed she shared that fear.

* * *

**Lines in Angel's memories were taken from various portions of **_**Your Heart Still in It?**_


	10. Chapter 10: What's Mine isn't Yours

**Thank you for reviewing the last couple chapters! You have no idea how motivational your feedback is. If I didn't know that people were reading what I posted, I'm not sure I would have ever made it this far in the series. **

**If I ever go too long between posts again, a review is a surefire way to get me moving.**

* * *

**Chapter 10: What's Mine isn't Yours  
**

Angel made it halfway up the staircase when he heard a familiar creek. Staying close to the wall, he watched the back door open.

"Late night?"

Dan nearly jumped out of his skin. "When did you get back?"

"I guess I should be glad you're getting in before the sun this time."

"Whatever man." He started up the opposite staircase.

Angel called out. "Anne is visiting."

Dan stilled.

"She's in the kitchen." Angel watched him continue his ascent. "You don't want to say hi?"

"I doubt she wants to see any of us." Dan looked back with an uncertain frown. "She's here to fight evil?"

For this troubled teen, Angel wished he could say no. Instead, he settled for, "She still cares about you - about all of you."

Dan walked on. "No one said she didn't."

Cordelia stepped out from the counter. "I can always count on you two for the drama."

Frowning, Angel looked down at her. "You don't usually do silent observation."

She smirked. "Like I'm gonna step in any of that." Her finger wiggled from the lobby to the stairs. "You and Buffy can clean up your own messes."

He shrugged. "Messes are a part of life." He leaned against the railing. "If it was up to me, she and I would be holed up in a big bed for the next decade - or two." He grinned.

"You expect me to believe this visit was her idea?"

"Saving future generations from evil was her idea; not doing it alone was mine."

"I still get visions you know."

He smiled. "Your destiny doesn't depend on me. It's all your own."

She pursed her lips. "Groo and I are doing a lot of good."

"Doesn't surprise me. Just remember: your destiny doesn't depend on him either." He continued up the stairs and turned around at the top. "You're a champion in your own right." He walked back to the library.

* * *

Buffy stood in the doorway burping baby Kyle. She glanced around Bernie and Dan's room.

"I like what you've done with the place."

"Anne." Bernie's smiled widely. "I thought we had to do the visit thing tomorrow."

She stepped quietly with Kyle snuggled at her neck. "I won't tell if you won't, so tell me what's been going on?"

"We moved."

Dan rolled his eyes. "She can see that grease-face."

"Angel told me all of you helped with the remodel."

Bernie nodded. "Gunn knew some guys who were good at this stuff. They kept us from screwing it up or killing ourselves."

She smirked. "Good thing: that not getting killed."

Dan's eyes tracked her as she walked around the room with the baby in her arms.

Ignoring, his roomate's weird behavior, Bernie shrugged. "Groo has been handling the demon stuff so we have a lot more free time now."

She nodded. "I hear he's good people." She looked at Dan. "What do you think of our champion from another dimension?"

"He's fine I guess."

Sitting next to him on the end of the bed, she rubbed a hand down his back. "Something on your mind?"

He shook his head. "Everything's cool."

"I may look a little different, but I'm still me. I can handle hearing whatever is on your mind."

Dan stared at Kyle. "It doesn't bother you?"

"What doesn't?"

"Holding Kyle after . . . "

Her eyes widened with comprehension. She shifted the baby on her lap. "Honestly? Handing him back is going to be a lot harder than holding him."

Bernie sat on his own bed. "You could still have another baby someday, right?"

Shaking her head, Buffy smiled sadly. "Even if things go the way I hope, I don't see another kid in my future." She kissed the top of baby Kyle's head. "Vin was and always will be my miracle boy."

Dan crossed his legs on the bed. "What's the new big bad this time?"

"I don't know." At their confused faces, she continued, "I'm here about an old bad. One I don't seem able to outrun."

Bernie's eyes turned earnest. "How can we help?"

"That's what I should be asking you. We were a team and I left you guys."

Dan looked down at his hands. "You needed to get away."

Bernie nodded. "When Lilly told us what happened, she said you might not be coming back." Bernie looked at Dan. "I guess we just didn't believe it."

"I should have said goodbye." She rubbed her hand down Dan's back again. "It was a rough time, but I hope you guys know I never stopped caring about you."

"_No one_ thought that." Dan huffed out, "No one _could ever_ think that."

Buffy's brow crinkled with concern. "Hey Bernie, could you bring Kyle back to Gemma. I think he's in need of some diaper aid."

Bernie smirked and took away the fussing baby.

Buffy watched them walk about before turning her attention to Dan. "While I've been gone, what's been going through that head of yours?" Dan still wouldn't look at her. She frowned. "Come on buddy, talk to me."

"After you left, I heard Gunn say the reason you didn't move away after your divorce was because he asked you to stay . . . for us." He glanced up. "You stuck around to help even though it wasn't safe." His breathing grew labored. "We're the reason Vinny's gone. We're the reason you lost your baby."

She rolled her lip and blinked her eyes to keep from crying. "Now, you listen to me. The _only_ person responsible for what happened is me. I knew the risks and I made a choice and _I_ gave him up.

"But you did it for us."

She put her hand over his. "I won't let you take responsibility for my kid." She lifted his hand and brought it down for emphasis. '"Not you, or Gunn, or anyone else. He was mine to protect and I screwed up." One tear leaked out. "I screwed up big time, and I live with it every day. Don't you dare try to carry that guilt because I deserve _all of it_."

Dan started crying. "I'm sorry."

Reaching over, she pulled him into a hug. "Dan, you guys are my family too." She held him tight as he cried on her shoulder. "I love you all so much." She tucked her face close his and let his hands claw into her arm and side. "That doesn't _ever _change."

* * *

Buffy walked into the library dragging her hands over her face. "Times like this I wish I smoked or drank or something. . ."

A sweet voice replied, "You should get some rest. You've had a long day."

Buffy looked up with a frown to see Fred looking back at her. Buffy looked around the room and saw Fred, Angel, Wesley, Cordelia, and the renowned Groo. "What are you guys doing here?"

"Our taxes." Cordelia rolled her eyes. "What do you think we're doing?"

"You don't need to join the research wagon. I mean you have a hotel of responsibility already on your plate."

Groo stood. "Your chosen quest proves bravery." He bowed his head. "We honor it with aid."

Turning another page, Angel shrugged. "If they want to look through boring old books, I'm not going to stop them."

Buffy took a seat at the table, grabbed a book, and said the only thing she could: "Thank you."

* * *

Cordelia stood from the table. "We've been at this for more than a couple hours. I'm getting doughnuts."

Groo stood too. "I will accompany you on this venture."

The room gave their thanks as the couple departed.

Fred smiled shyly. "He still calls her his Queen."

Buffy smirked. "Queen C must love that."

"It's like something out of a fairy tale."

Her dreamy tone earned an admiring gaze from Wesley. Seeing his stare, Fred blushed, smiled, and looked back down at her notes.

Buffy's eyes twinkled at their adorable flirtations.

Angel took Cordy's interruption as an opportunity for a conversation break. "I heard you talked to Dan."

She smirked. "Did you hear that or did you hear me talking to him?"

Angel remained serious. "I'm glad you two had a chance to connect."

"I left a lot of loose ends here; this trip is like a trial run for what's waiting in Sunnydale."

"But it went well with Dan?"

"Dan wasn't angry with me. He was angry at himself." Putting down her book, she looked at him. "It's different."

"You had to talk with him to know what he was feeling. Until you talk to them, you can't assume anything." He added in an even quieter voice. "You were wrong about what I was feeling."

She shrugged and glanced away. "It doesn't hurt to prepare for the worst."

"Ya'll?" Fred's voice nearly trembled. "I think I found a way to do this."

Wesley leaned over to read the text. "That's not. . ."

Her voice turned into an anxious squeal. "We just need a way to make it bigger - make it include all the kinds instead of just one."

Wesley continued frowning at the text. "Fred you're . . . brilliant."

Buffy leaned back in her chair. "You guys want to fill us in?"

Fred scrunched up her nose. "And we need a way to make it stick. I mean, if we do this all-inclusive thing, we'd want it to work for more than fifty to eighty years."

Buffy and Angel stood and moved behind Fred. Reading over Fred's shoulder, they both felt a million thoughts rush through their minds.

Angel scowled. "I think I know how to make it broader."

Buffy nodded. "And I know how to make it last." She looked at him and saw brown eyes as troubled as she felt. "I guess we can't escape destiny after all." She leaned against him giving and receiving solace. "Different paths to the same destination."

Fred frowned. "I thought this was what you wanted."

Angel curled down around his love. "We did too."


	11. Chapter 11: Unforgivable

**Chapter 11: Unforgivable **

With crossed arms, Buffy stared at a cigarette butt by the fountain. Glancing back, she saw Angel sitting on the lobby steps with his head in his hands.

Gunn grabbed the piece of litter as he walked up. "Kids huh?"

Still eyeing the cigarette, Buffy "hmmed" absently.

"If I didn't know better I'd say you were craving a smoke."

She nodded. "Smoking is bad, and it's not good to do something you know is bad."

Gunn squinted his eyes. "Right . . . Lilly said you were visiting. Anything I can help with?"

She shook her head. "I found my answer." She sighed wearily. "I may not like it; but it is what it is." She finally made eye contact. "And you? How are things?"

"Things are good."

"I heard." Her lips curved up slightly. "Congratulations."

He shrugged. "We figure no point putting it off. Ya' know, there might never be a better time."

"True." She looked back towards Angel. He stood from the steps as he talked with Cordy and Groo. "We can't predict the future."

"Hey, you okay?" Gunn leaned closer. "If it's about Wolfram and Hart, I'm more than game. Just say the word."

She frowned. "Why? What have they been up to?"

"That's why you're here, right? To bring 'em down."

"I haven't given much thought to Lindsey's old firm since our divorce. I'm here to get Wes's opinion on something - and to use his books."

"But I thought . . ." Gunn leaned down further. "I'm not one of the kids you need to protect. I may not have powers, but I'm not scared of the powerful evil."

"Have they been hassling you guys?"

"Not on my watch."

"Gunn, I'm lost. Aside from the fact they're scum, why the eagerness to take them down?"

"For Vinny." His voice went lower then she'd ever heard it. "It won't bring him back, but you both deserve some justice."

"Gunn," She lowered her voice too. "Wolfram and Hart didn't take my son. I gave him up to the Powers that Be, so they could protect him."

"From the demons Wolfram and Hart sent after you."

"Who told you that?"

"No one needs to tell me anything. Before hightailin' it out of here, Lindsey passed you a note warning you about his bosses' plan to destroy you, and a few months later, you're life was wrecked." He looked at her hair. "Now you're back and lookin' like someone else. Payback was an easy guess."

Buffy closed her eyes. "I'm not saying they're innocent, but Wolfram and Hart isn't the reason Vinny couldn't stay with me." Opening her eyes, she sighed. "The information Lindsey gave you was a warning, but it wasn't about them."

Gunn frowned. "Then what?"

Buffy nodded towards the glass doors.

Gunn followed her gaze. "Angel? Linds risked his life to warn you about Angel."

"He knew I was living with him and he knew Angel has a lot of bodies in his past. It's why Wolfram and Hart wants him so bad." Buffy rubbed her arms. "Linds didn't want me and Vin around when he turned, and he was sure, one way or another, Angel would turn again." Shaking her head, she sighed, "He wasn't warning me about his bosses, he was warning me about my lifestyle . . . and its likely consequence."

"So you're really not here to take them out." Gunn still sounded incredulous.

"Believe it or not, I'm going after a bigger evil."

"You said you found your answer and sounded bummed about it; does that mean it can't be beat?"

"Sometimes doing the right thing for the world means doing the wrong thing for someone else." She closed her eyes. "I really hate those times."

* * *

Buffy trudged up the stair and down the hall entering the library with a heavy sigh. "We found what we needed, so I guess it's mission accomplished." She surveyed the empty seats and abandoned coffee mugs.

Carefully closing ancient tomes, Wesley alone remained. "Indeed. Miss Burkle is quite resourceful." He lifted a pile of books but didn't move to put them away. "If the cost is too great, we can keep looking." He set the pile back down. "This isn't meant to be punishment."

She ran her hand over some familiar books on the shelves. "You're sweet, but the way things are going, it looks like this was the grand plan all along."

He stepped closer. "I thought you didn't believe in destiny."

"I don't know what I believe anymore."

Wesley compressed his lips in a firm line.

Looking at his expression, she frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, but I'm here if you want another trial run for your Sunnydale compatriots."

She surveyed his tense posture and eventually concluded, "You're mad at me . . ."

Re replied in monotone, "Furious in fact."

"Because I left or because I came back? I got people in both camps."

Wesley turned his back to her. "You spent nights at my flat . . . you and your son. I helped you with your business and when your mother grew ill."

Buffy watched him profile in silence.

He raised his eyes to meet hers. "You took Vinny from this place without saying goodbye - without saying anything." His tone roughened slowly. "I may have been your pretend husband, but we were more than friends."

"You loved me and I used you."

He stepped forward quickly invading her space. "I loved you and you nearly destroyed yourse- why didn't you let me help?" His eyes pleaded with her. "I would have done anything to protect him."

"Your love doesn't make me yours - it didn't make _him_ yours." Tilting her head all the way back to look him in the eye, Buffy jutted out her chin. "I did what I thought was best and neither you nor Angel had the right to be consulted first."

Immediately, hurt flooded expression

Her voice softened. "Whatever feelings you have need to stop because this is what they'll bring you." She lowered her chin, so her eyes were level with his chest. "Loving me hurts; loving her won't."

Digging his fingers into her forearms, Wesley pulled her up against him and kissed her.

She didn't fight him. She accepted everything his hands and lips delivered - his vengeance, his passion . . . his regret.

She let him kiss her and for a sliver of time, she kissed him back. With eyes closed and hands clenched, she pressed her lips against a possible future she was rejecting.

His fingers flexed on her arms as he forced himself to back off. Releasing her shakily, he stepped back. "If there's a kind of love that doesn't hurt, I haven't found it."

Lifting her hand, she caressed his cheek. "Loving her is going to be something new. It'll be scary and fragile and exactly what it should be." She pressed a kiss to his cheek. "You've had enough pain in your life."

She walked out and closed the door behind her. Leaning back against the frame, she sighed.

Finally, she pulled herself up and continued down the hall.

"You pretty much caught up with everyone now?"

Buffy jumped and clumsily bumped in to the wall. "The stalker thing is not attractive."

Angel stepped out of the shadows. "You don't easily startle."

She nodded behind her. "If you heard that conversation too, then you know-"

"Nothing I didn't know before." Seeing her frown, he explained, "I've known he was in love with you since our first case with you. You were supposed to leave town after, and when Wes passed on the news you'd decided to stay, he sounded as relieved as me."

"Is this a new, subdued kind of jealousy?"

Angle looked to the floor. "I kept an eye on him for a while and I can't say seeing you two pretend to be lovers didn't drive me crazy, but," he shrugged, "he's our friend."

"He is."

"He helped with the other curse." He shifted on his feet. "Whatever choices we've made, he's supported them."

She stepped closer so they stood chest to chest. "You know I'm yours, right?"

He said yes but couldn't meet her eyes.

She frowned. "I married a human and had a child with him. You can't help wondering if I miss that life - if I'll regret choosing you."

"I can't give you another child . . . I can't even grow old with you."

She put her hand on his chest and whispered, "I'm going to tell you something hard to believe, but I need you trust me. Can you?"

He nodded slightly.

"The truth is I'd rather have difficult with you than normal with anyone else." She watched his lids lift and looked up into his gentle, dark eyes. "I love you."

He tried to memorize every detail of her expression. "This plan we have - we might not come back from this one."

She nodded. "Good thing about this plan is that if it doesn't work, we'll go out together."

Wrapping his arms around her, he looked at her with serious eyes. "We better. If you leave me behind again, I don't think I could forgive you."

She nodded her understanding. "If that happens, I won't expect you to. "

Her words unsettled him. Angel didn't want her permission to hold a grudge for eternity; he wanted _her_. But he knew as much as he begged, she couldn't promise not to die any lie she might tell would do more harm than good.

He told her the one thing he needed her to know. "I love you. I'll never stop."

"Me neither." She pressed her head to his chest and savored his embrace.

* * *

**Angel's last words were taken from Buffy Season 2 Episode 13 "Surprise."**


	12. Author Note

**Faithful readers,**

**The chapter I wrote for this week is actually a one shot from earlier in this series' timeline. I posted it as a new story called, "Amends rewrite."**

**One guess on what it's about (Author smiles to herself).  
**

**Other one shots may come, and if I get my act together, I may even post another chapter to this story this week, but if you dig my **_**I Have Loved You Wrong**_** series, my first one-shot won't disappoint. **

**Take care!  
**

**P.S. I am working on the next chapter and it's seeming a little Bangle heavy (Kind of like most of _Lift Up Your Arms Now_). I can't get enough of our favorite couple, but are you guys missing interactions with other characters? Any in particular you'd like some more time with? **

**Please, let me know now if I'm going a bit overboard with the Buffy/Angel scenes. . . . otherwise, you will be get bunches and bunches more.  
**


	13. Amends Rewrite

**So I decided to include the one-shots at this point in the story. Think of it like an intermission. As of now, the plan is to post four. If you have a hankering for a particular one-shot, though, I'd be happy to write some more any time. **

**Amends Rewrite**

**One shot. As Angel waits for the sun to rise, he's visited by someone he thought he'd never see again. (****_I Have Loved You Wrong _****series addition).**

* * *

With slow but steady steps, Angel walked the hill behind his mansion. From there, he could see the whole town laid before him.

Like a blanket against the cold, peace draped over him as he took in the rooftops. The last time he'd felt such peace literal blankets were wrapped around him as well as a beautiful girl. Centuries in Acathla's hell dimension had dimmed the memory, but even faded, it was still his favorite.

He might have lost himself that night but before he became her enemy, before he tried to end the world, before she saved it by killing him, before she ran away . . . that night, they loved each other.

Putting his hands in his pocket, he looked at the town she'd abandoned and thought it seemed darker without her . . . everything did.

This place was her purpose, her meaning - just like she'd been his purpose, his meaning.

With a small smile, he whispered her name: _"Buffy." _Whether he meant it as a wish or a prayer, he wanted her name to be the last word he spoke.

Watching the distant stars fade one by one, he savored her memory and his refound peace.

"So this is how it ends, huh? This is how _you _end." Footsteps approached him. "Alone, on a hill, waiting for sunlight."

He didn't answer the voice or even glance in its direction. The evil that haunted him didn't matter anymore. Having made his decision, nothing could change his mind.

"I never thought about how easy suicide could be for a vampire." She stood by his side with a frown. "A little bit of light and centuries of existence crumble into dust."

Staring at the horizon, he frowned too. "You smell like her."

Buffy looked at him and thought about how to answer. Eventually, she settled on, "Something has come into your life to destroy you or maybe just a part of you." Hesitantly she reached out and touched his arm. "I'm something else."

Refusing to look at her, he mused. "I bet she's happy right now. Lying in her bed . . . surrounded by lights. . . dreaming of the future."

Buffy inched her hand into his coat pocket entwining her fingers with his. "If she was here right now, she'd tell you to go inside. There's only a few minutes left."

He caressed her hand with his thumb. "I know. I can smell the sunrise long before it comes."

She moved closer leaning into him. "Why now? Why today?"

"Why wait?" Finally, he met her eyes. "I'm weak. I've never been anything else." He looked at the ground between them. "I can't do it again. I can't become a killer."

In a low, hoarse voice, she replied, "I can never know the guilt you carry or the battle you wage against the demon inside you." Imagining how he lived, she shook her head. "That burden - that struggle - every day . . . you are stronger than everyone you've ever met."

From his lips came an involuntary scoff.

She gently squeezed his hand. "Someone with that kind of strength has the power to do real good, to make amends." She continued in a soft voice, "But if you crumble now, then all that you ever were was a monster."

He didn't reply.

As the sky lightened, her anxiety grew, but she tried hard to keep her voice calm. "Angel, the sun is coming up."

Looking at the horizon, he caressed her hand again. "Will you stay with me?"

She nodded fiercely. "If you walk down this hill, I'll stay with you as long as you need."

He looked at their hands in his pocket. "Please. Just this once . . . Let me be strong."

Slowly, she pulled her hand from his. "Strong is fighting. It's hard, and it's painful, and it's every day. But we have to do it." She watched his hand dangle limply at his side. "Even if we never win, there are things worth fighting for." Grabbing his arm, she moved to face him. "Your love for her, her love for you - I wouldn't be here if that wasn't real!"

Looking ready to cry, he choked out, "It's gone."

"It's right here!" Stepping closer, she shook him. "If it can't convince you that you belong in this world, then I don't know what can." She started pushing him backwards. "But I did not come all this way to watch you die again."

"What are y-" He tried shirking her hold, but she was too determined.

"I am not losing you."

"Buffy."

Hearing her name, she stumbled.

Immediately, she caught her.

When she looked up, she saw him gazing at the sky. . . and the snow. Lightly at first and then heavier, white swirls of snowflakes surrounded them.

With her hands on his hips and his hands on her shoulders, they watched the miracle in the sky.

* * *

Through empty streets covered in snow, Buffy and Angel walked through town. They didn't exchange looks or words, but their hands felt fused together.

Eventually, their journey brought them back to the mansion.

Buffy sat on the couch while Angel built them a fire.

Seeing him approach, she felt a flutter of nerves. "You must be exhausted."

He sat down beside her. "Will you stay until I fall asleep?"

That plea somehow stopped all her flutters. Reaching out, she pulled him towards her so his head rested in her lap. "Rest." Slowly, she ran her fingers through his hair and he settled into her.

Just when she felt his body start to go limp, he asked, "Did you mean it?"

Her fingers stilled in his hair.

He continued, "Does she still love me - wherever she is?"

With one hand in his hair and the other on his heart, she answered, "Wherever she is, she will always love you."

He covered the hand on his chest with his own. "I don't want to die without seeing her again."

Leaning down, she placed a kiss against his temple. "Then don't."

Her fingers continued their path through his hair and they both listened to the crackling fire until he fell asleep.

She waited for the fire to burn out entirely before sliding out from under him. She replaced her lap with a pillow and while bending down, she kissed his temple again. Into his ear, she murmured, "I wish we could fight our battles together, but our lives are on different paths." She caressed his cheek. "If they're ever going to come together again, then we both need to keep fighting."

She breathed deep. "Giving up means losing hope and that's . . .that's" Her voice trembled with emotion. "that's not how our story should end." She stood up on shaky legs. "So stay strong. . . for me."

Wiping her tears, she walked out of his home and out of his life. She'd helped him survive his lowest moment; the moments after that were up to him.

* * *

**Lines taken from the Buffy series season 3 episodes 10 and 11, "Amends" and "Gingerbread."**


	14. Buffy's First Baby

**Buffy's First Baby**

**One Shot. Buffy had a baby with another man. Now Angel is bringing her home from the hospital with a plan in mind. ****(****_I Have Loved You Wrong _****series addition).**

* * *

Sitting in the back of Angel's car, Buffy leaned her head against Wesley's shoulder. "I'm a mom."

He smiled down at two sleepy heads. "Quite right."

"Have other slayers been moms?"

"Impossible to know." In a risky move, Wesley lay his head against hers. "If other slayers had produced offspring, their watchers would have known better than to record that fact."

She shifted against him. "Smart watchers."

He looked at the precious bundle in her arms. "You are going to be a fine mother."

Sunny cleared his throat from the passenger seat. "Never any doubt."

Glancing at the rear-view mirror, Angel and Sunny shared a frown. Neither had expected this when they'd decided the seating arrangement. Their only concern had been moving mother and child somewhere safer than a hospital.

But Buffy's exhaustion had brought out her affectionate nature and both men in the front seat regretted their decision to put the smitten watcher by her side.

Angel brought the car to a slow stop mindful of fragile passengers. "We're here."

Still leaning against Wes, she squinted at their surroundings. "Where's here?"

Sunny got out quickly and opened her door. "You're new home."

As they got out, Angel and Wesley eyed the surroundings for any potential threats.

Frowning, Buffy held her baby tighter. "This isn't right." Immediately, Angel was at her side encouraging her forward. She shook her head and even that small movement made her whole body sway. "I have a home."

Sunny kept his eyes glued on the baby to catch him if needed and Wesley positioned himself behind Buffy to do the same.

"I have a - this is _not_ my home." She squinted at the gates and the fountain. "This is big and this isn't my place."

Wesley braved a reply. "We thought it would be best if you stayed here for a few days."

Angel murmured, "Or forever."

Sunny added. "For protection."

The three men tried to shuttle her forward, but her tired feet stayed firmly planted. "I don't need extra protection. I need my apartment." She looked at Angel. "Please, I've been putting off sleep until I was . . ." Her eyes closed and she fought to have them open again. "I need my home."

Gently, Angel placed a hand on her back. "You are home."

The front door open and out came Cordelia and Lilly. Cordelia huffed, "What did you do - push the car from the hospital?"

Wesley frowned. "He drove carefully - as he should."

She rolled her eyes and followed Lilly to the approaching trio. "How's baldy?"

Lilly took Angel place at her side. "We moved all of your things here and have the baby room ready."

Buffy exhaustion made her teary-eyed. "You knew?"

Cordelia waved them forward. "Come on people let's keep this baby train moving. _Inside_ is the whole point of a magically protected fortress."

Crossing the threshold, Lilly moved close to Buffy. "Can I hold him? You look exhausted."

"I-"

Sunny interrupted her answer, "Don't worry about your place, I'm crashing there now just to keep an eye on it."

Cordelia scowled. "And we changed the locks, so don't even think about running out in the middle of the night."

Lilly reached for the baby, and Buffy felt helpless in a fight against her most trusted friend. Her whole body stumbled forward as Lilly took her son away. "I-"

Both Sunny and Angel were there to keep her upright.

Lilly cradled her swaddled babe. "Hi there baby Vincent."

Cordelia looked at Sunny. "Are you going back to the shelter tonight? We can give you a ride."

He nodded. "Gunn is there but I should probably back him up."

Buffy craned her head to look at him. "Why? What's going on?"

Lilly shook her head and waved a hand. "It's just been a while since Gunn has been the only grown up in the room." She smiled her sweet Lilly-smile. "Nothing bad is happening I promise."

Cordelia walked to the hotel's front counter. "I'll grab my keys and we can go." Picking up her purse, she shrugged. "Setting up decor is where my baby-knowledge ends." As she headed for the doors, she surprised Buffy with a hug. "You are going to be fabulous. Good luck." After a goodbye, Cordelia and Sunny left.

Wesley walked towards Lilly. "Do you think he needs another changing?"

Lil wrinkled her nose. "I don't know but a bath would probably be good." Her fingers danced around Vinny. "Wash off all the hospital ooglies."

Still barely standing, Buffy tried finding her voice. "I don't know if-"

Lilly frowned. "You should rest. We can handle the non-feeding stuff." Her frown disappeared. "You should totally see your room! You're bed is almost the size of your old apartment."

"I-" Buffy vision of the room wobbled. "Everyone j-just needs to . . . to stop!" She held out her arms to keep her balance. "Just stop."

From behind her, Angel murmured, "Anne, it's okay."

She turned around swinging. To everyone's surprise, she had enough strength to lay him flat.

She stumbled towards Lil. "Give him to me. He should be with me."

Lilly handed him back wordlessly.

On her way to the couch, Buffy grabbed her purse off Wesley's shoulder.

For his part, Wes remained casual and calm, "Why don't we put away Vincent's things from the hospital?"

Lilly looked at the baby bag he'd brought in. "Yeah. . . okay . . ."

Wesley coaxed her up the stairs while Buffy sat on the couch and rummaged through her purse.

Sitting up slowly, Angel rubbed the side of his face. He'd expected violence. What he hadn't expected was her ability to knock him nearly unconscious with one hit. "Anne."

"I'm not talking to you."

He watched her push buttons into a phone. "Who are you calling? Everyone who loves you most was here."

"Then maybe who I need is someone who fears me."

He crawled towards her.

"I will hit you again."

He kept approaching. "Not with Vinny in your arms."

Looking at her bundle, she started feeling weepy. Catching movement in the room, she glared at him with glistening eyes. "Then I'll kick you."

"Please hear me out."

"You had _no_ right." A traitorous tear fell down her cheek. "When you offered to take me home, I thought you were being nice." More tears fell. "I didn't th-think you'd-you'd kidnap me."

Angel knelt before warily. "I know I overstepped, but this is about what's right for Vinny and for you."

"Vinny is _my_ son." Mindful of her sleeping babe, she kept her voice low even though she really wanted to was scream. "I know how to keep him safe."

"Do you trust me?"

She sputtered, "B-before today? Yeah."

Slowly, he took the phone from her and snuggled her hand in both of his. "Do you believe I care more about you and Vinny than I care about me . . . or us?"

Looking into his deep brown eyes, she felt his intensity. Hesitantly, she nodded yes.

"You have a child now and his father is gone." His whole being focused solely on her. "You have a job and people depending on you. All I'm asking is that you don't do this alone. Please." He willed his words into her. "Please, let me help you." He squeezed her hand. "I can watch over you at night and pick him up when he cries and make you eggs in the morning. Please stay and let me be a part of your family."

He was literally on his knees begging her to allow this. She tried to keep herself from crying; then Vinny started to fuss.

She smiled at her cranky baby. Shifting him in her lap, she commented. "He could use a bath."

Relieved, Angel felt near tears himself. "Everything he needs is upstairs."

Nodding slowly, she glanced at him. "Okay." She leaned forward and used his shoulders as leverage to push herself up and stand.

His hands immediately reached out to steady her.

Leaving the phone behind, she let him half-carry her up the stairs.

Angel murmured, "Maybe you can let Lilly bathe him while you take a nap. Are you hungry?

She started to answer, "I-"

"-You didn't really eat at the hospital. I'll put something together for you to eat later."

"That's-"

"Did the nurses tell you what would be good for the baby? What you should eat or drink?"

"Angel!" She stopped walking. When he met her eyes, she sighed, "Don't make me hit you again."

He eyed the long staircase behind them. "No fussing. Got it."

She leaned completely into him savoring the closeness. "Slow and one at a time, can we do things that way?"

Resting his chin on her head, he smiled when she didn't pull back; instead, she snuggled closer. "Yeah, we can do that."


	15. Angel and Joyce

**Sorry for the late update. I realized last Sunday that the one shot I planned to post should come after this one. So here are two posts this week.  
**

**Angel and Joyce**

**One Shot. After learning her mother was sick, Buffy brought her to LA. Now, Angel and Joyce are alone in a hospital room. ****(****_I Have Loved You Wrong _****series addition).**

* * *

Angel sat in the dim hospital room reading aloud. His voice lulled Joyce in and out of drowsing.

_"Who shall blame him? Who will not secretly rejoice when the hero puts his armor off, and halts by the window and gazes at his wife and son, who, very distant at first, gradually come closer and closer."_

This late at night, few sounds drifted from the hallway allowing Angel's low voice to fill the room.

_"till lips and book and head are clearly before him, though still lovely and unfamiliar from the intensity of his isolation and the waste of ages and the perishing of the stars, and finally putting his pipe in his pocket and bending his magnificent head before her—who will blame him if he does homage to the beauty of the world?"_

"The beauty of the world." Joyce's mumbled echo brought his attention up. He could ask her if she was feeling alright, but considering her recent surgery, he didn't see the point.

Instead, he murmured, "The beauty of your world is safe at the Hyperion. Anne took Vincent home a couple of hours ago."

Joyce frowned. "I hope Spike didn't drive."

He smiled. "Spike didn't drive and neither did she. I had Wesley come pick them up."

"That's good," she yawned. "He seems like a good driver."

"Do you need anything?"

"Just to get out of here." She tried to sit up. "I'm tired of being useless."

Coming to her side, he arranged her pillows for support before pouring her a cup of water. She frowned at him suspiciously. "You're not going to tell me to take it easy - give it time?"

Angel found a napkin to use as a bookmark before sitting back down. "I couldn't bring myself to fight with my own mother. I don't know where I'd find the strength to argue with someone else's."

Glancing at him, she nodded. "Buffy pushed me from day one." She relaxed back into her pillows. "We'll see if Vinny inherits his mother's willfulness."

He chuckled. "Probably."

She observed him thoughtfully. "You act like the boy's father, you know."

Startled eyes met hers. "I'm not."

"She told me you couldn't be . . . she didn't tell me who is."

He didn't reply. He knew it wasn't his place to reveal Buffy's past nor her reasons for concealing it.

Joyce continued, "But you think of him as family? You'll raise him as your own?"

He squeezed the book between his hands. "We're taking it one day at a time." Releasing his anxious grip, he laid it aside. "but yes, I want to be a part of his life . . . and Anne's."

She touched her bandages carefully. "I keep forgetting to use that name. She's grown into someone different than I thought." She brought her hands together in her lap. "I feel like I never really knew her."

He leaned his forearms on his knee trying to catch her eye. "You did. No matter what name she goes by or how she spends her time, you know her goodness and her strength."

She looked at the Lilies Buffy had brought her. "She has so many responsibilities now, it shocks me to think of how young she really is."

He nodded understanding.

"You both seem so much older." She glanced back at him. "Hard choices do that for people."

Angel looked at his hands. "That they do."

Scrutinizing him, she continued, "I don't know what's happened since you left Sunnydale, but you've grown into be a man I'm coming to respect."

A darting glance to her and then he looked back his hands. "You were right to distrust me. I've lived most of my life without recognizing my responsibility to others." His voice turned hoarse. "Pursuing your daughter at an impressionable age was a betrayal of both her and you . . . and I still can't regret it." He dared another glance at Joyce. "It will take me a few more hard choices to make me a man worthy of your respect."

She contemplated his features and the way he held himself."Growing up is a lifelong process and you have a longer one than most." He didn't meet her eyes, so she looked where he looked: his hands. "When I look at you I see strength. With all her burdens, my daughter will need that." She could feel him looking at her, but she chose to look at the lilies instead. "My hope is that you will grow together and help shoulder the load."

Angel heard the words but didn't fully understand her meaning.

Finally, meeting his eyes, she noticed his slight frown. "To be clear, that was me giving you my blessing."

The only evidence of shock was his slightly widened eyes.

"I know that's typically the father's role, but like Buffy is learning, single-mothers must wear many hats."

Angel opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out. He closed his mouth and opened it several times before cobbling a reply. "Joyce, I'm still a vampire, a cursed one, and she's still human." His eyes darted around the room as he whispered, "We aren't- we can't - nothing has changed."

She waited till his eyes met hers again before answering, "So change it."

Again, Angel's mind went entirely blank. Moments went by and he still couldn't fashion a response.

"Her father couldn't handle ordinary life pressures." She locked eyes with his. "You're the only one I've met who could handle extraordinary ones."

In her eyes, he saw an understanding . . . a certainty that the future held dark things for her daughter. He'd seen that same look in Buffy's eyes over the years. _Was he the only one who believed her future could hold happiness?_

Joyce leaned back and closer her eyes. "I like the story but before we continue, could you skip to the end?" She peaked at him. "I like to read last lines first."

Still rattled from their conversation, Angel slowly reached for the book. Instead of opening to where he left off, he flipped to the end. In his deep, smooth voice, he read aloud:

_"Quickly, as if she were recalled by something over there, she turned to her canvas. There it was-her picture. Yes, with all its greens and blues, its lines running up and across, its attempt at something. It would be hung in the attics, she thought; it would be destroyed. But what did that matter? she asked herself, taking up her brush again." _

He glanced at Joyce but saw her eyes were closed. He continued,

_"She looked at the steps; they were empty; she looked at her canvas; it was blurred. With a sudden intensity, as if she saw it clear for a second, she drew a line there, in the center. It was done; it was finished. Yes, she thought, laying down her brush in extreme fatigue, I have had my vision."_

Having finished the last lines, Angel realized Joyce was drowsing again. Quietly, he closed the book and placed it by the lilies. He'd never imagined Joyce might accept him in Buffy's life. His past actions harmed both women, and yet, for some reason, both offered their forgiveness.

He gazed at the fresh lilies and their pink speckles. He saw beauty in the flowers; he understood why Buffy chose them. Mother and daughter saw something worthy in him, something he didn't think was there. Although he didn't understand their vision of him, he promised himself he would try to live up to it.

* * *

**Both passages Angel read were taken from ****To the Lighthouse**** By Virginia Woolf.**


	16. Buffy's Complicated Love Life

**Buffy's Complicated Love Life**

**One Shot. Wolfram and Hart took away Lindsey's memories of Buffy (aka Anne) and their child but still expect him to corrupt Angel. ****(****_I Have Loved You Wrong _****series addition).**

* * *

With Vincent on her lap, Buffy sat crossways in her regular booth. Watching the other diners, she remembered how normal life could be. In the world, there existed possibilities of family and friends . . . even moments of peace.

"Afathath."

She smiled at Vinny's gurgle language. "What are you looking buddy?" Following his line of sight, she found familiar blue eyes looking back at her.

For a moment, neither of them said a word.

The man smiled. "Have you ordered yet?"

"Umm." She glanced at the empty table.

"Neither have I. Mind if I join you?" Before she could answer, he stood from his table and slid into the seat across from her. "How's the little sheriff this morning?"

"He's good." She looked down at her cheery son. "We're good."

Seeing her nervousness, he straightened self-consciously. "You remember me, right? I'm not some random guy harassing a beautiful lady, am I?"

She smirked. "Lindsey, the guy who took a knock to the head but still remembers how to sing. I remember."

He leaned back with a big sigh. "Whoo, that's a relief." He settled more into his seat. "The last time I saw you had to be at the hospital. How'd your mother's surgery go?"

"Well. Really well." She let Vinny pull and play with her fingers. "She's home and soon breakfast outings can be a thing again."

He watched her watch him. While he enjoyed it, he didn't understand her focus on him."What?"

She shook her head with smile. "What are you doing here?"

"What? A man can't have a hankering for a -" He read the specials sign behind her. "'greasy spoon' omelet?"

"I come here every Sunday and you're definitely a new face."

He raised his hands in surrender. "I admit I don't come this way often, but I was walking by and smelled its potential from across the street."

She guessed it wasn't the smells that caught his attention, but she couldn't exactly say that. She didn't need him thinking she knew anything he didn't.

A waitress chose that moment to take their orders. For once, she didn't recognize her. Scanning the diner, she realized she didn't recognize anyone working that shift. She absently gave her order while trying to place any of the faces.

After giving his order, Lindsey scanned the diner too. "Looking for somebody?"

"Kind of." As a couple, they'd met in this diner and spent many lazy lunches in it. Of all the places he could have staged a "run-in," this might be the worst. She tried to make herself relax and act normally. "I know almost everyone here, but I don't see them working today."

He nodded. "Guess it's different kind of morning for both of us." Leaning back, he stretched out his legs. "I would have thought your Mister would have joined you."

"Wesley had some work to catch up on." She gave a friendly smile. "We're not really weekend people."

"I know how that is." Lindsey squinted at the ceiling. "My last real day off was before law school." Meeting her eyes again, he grinned.

She felt compelled to ask. "But it's worth it? You like your work?"

"I like winning. Taking on big challenges and surpassing _everyone_'s expectations."

The glint in his eye told her he had a specific challenge in mind. She'd forgotten this about him -that his words could usually be taken multiple ways. It was a way of getting information about a person without asking questions.

He raised his eyebrows and smirked. He just gave her an opportunity to take the conversation where she wanted. Not wanting to take it anywhere, she responded with a close-lipped smile.

Finally, he continued, "My motivations may not be noble, but in answer to your question, it's worth it." He nodded. "How about you? You like what you do?"

Knowing he already knew the answer, she easily gave him the truth. "Compared to being a mom, my job as secretary and shelter managers are buttery croissants."

Lindsey's confused frown disappeared when their waitress delivered Anne's order: two buttery croissants. His order appeared a moment later.

Eyeing his plain toast and coffee, she raised a brow. "Not hungry? Even after yummy smells dragged you in here?" Her eyes showed a tell-tale glint. He wasn't the only one who could make conversation openings.

Visibly tempted, Lindsey considered her intently. "I admit I've been hoping to run into you."

In her mind, she snorted, _Obviously_. Out loud, she replied, "And why's that?" Her casual tone and friendly smile caused his cheek to twitch.

"Through my firm, I've had some dealings with your friend's agency, Angel Investigations. I worry about the safety of anyone who works there."

She scrunched her brows. "And I worry about anyone who stalks me to a diner and tells me I'm not safe."

With serious eyes, he continued, "I'm merely interested in the reasons an upstanding lady like yourself is associating with such dangerous characters."

She squinted at him, "what theories do you have so far?"

He settled more into his seat. "No theories - just a lot of unusual circumstance . . . like the fact you're involved with one of the employees but living with the boss and yet, neither of those men fathered your son." He glanced at where she held Vinny. "Added to the fact there's no cooking accident in the world that can account for the scars covering your hands."

"You don't sound curious." She held Vincent more tightly trying to hide her scars. "You sound obsessed."

He nodded. "Here's a circumstance that might interest _you_: I'm fairly certain everyone working this shift is a Wolfram and Hart intern."

Trying to appear calm, Buffy glanced at each of the waitresses. Finally, the new faces made sense.

Lindsey studied her reaction. "Something just clicked in your mind."

She didn't deny it. She didn't explain it either. Instead, she asked, "How did you know Wes isn't Vinny's dad?"

"You don't act like lovers." He frowned. "Whatever relationship you two have is new, newer than Vincent." He smirked. "Plus, if Mr. Pryce was the father, he either would have moved you into his place or moved with you into Angel's."

Her chin dipped in understanding.

"I answered your question . . ."

Feeding Vinny shreds of croissant, she shrugged. "You haven't asked me anything."

"Fair enough." He nodded. While she dreaded which ones he'd ask, Lindsey tried to sort out the most important. "How did you get involved with Angel Investigations?"

She intentionally flexed her scarred hands. "I was a case."

Warmth left his eyes as he smiled. "That would make sense, yet it's the smallest portion of the truth - the closest a good woman can come to lying."

She wiped drool and crumbs from Vinny's chin. "I've been more honest than you have a right to expect."

"Because I work for Wolfram and Hart?"

"No." She frowned. "Because I don't know you." She motioned to the waitress for the check. "You have a lot of information about me. What you don't have it trust."

Eyes sparkling, he leaned in. "But I have great interest in earning it."

"Don't bother." Pulling out her wallet, she sighed, "You seem like a good guy, but I don't have time to play detective games with you." She paid her half. "I'd appreciate it if you didn't stage anymore run-ins."

Lindsey glanced at the waitresses resentfully. "There's a bigger picture here and sooner or later, it's going to affect you."

She looked at him with sad eyes. "The only big picture I focus on is my family." She lightly touched his hand. "If you want to earn my trust, let me give all my attention to the people that need it." She continued with a small smile, "And you: motivated lawyer-man - you don't."

Staring at her silently, he pulled his hand back.

She stood up holding Vinny and a diaper bag. Before walking away, she paused. "Don't let all those big challenges wear you out."

Leaning back, he mumbled, "You neither."

Her steps faltered as she glanced back at him. Rationally, she knew he meant the challenges she mentioned: single working mother caring for a sick parent, but emotionally, she feared he meant something else too.

Forcing a smile, she continued towards the exit. Lindsey's habit of putting many meanings into his words still drove her mad. He still did a lot of things -like make her heart hurt.

She cuddled Vinny close. The farther she walked away from the diner, the more Vinny fussed. "I know buddy."

Approaching the jeep, her chin trembled. She patted his back as he started to cry."Shhh. M-mommy's got you."

She rubbed her hand from his head down his back. "Shh, it's okay." She rocked him a moment before opening the door and buckling him in his car seat. "You're okay and mommy's okay and m-maybe" She blinked rapidly to keep back tears. "M-maybe someday things will be d-different." She kissed his red, tired face. Caressing his face, she whispered, "Someday, I'll make them different."

* * *

**Those are all the one shots I have planned, but the offer remains open: if you think of a period of time in the series that you'd like me to fill in the blanks for, just message me. One shots are all kinds of fun to write. **

**Next week, the series resumes and our heroes will be heading to Sunnydale.**


	17. Chapter 12: Home

**A week late but double the size, here's the next chapter.**

* * *

**Chapter 12: Home**

While Angel drove, Buffy stared at their car's blacked out windows. Given her intense focus, one would think she saw something other than quickly applied black paint. Her concentration disturbed him reminding him too much of times Drusilla gazed at ceiling while singing about the stars.

She hadn't even looked at him since they left the Hyperion. He didn't know what to say to or if he should say anything at all. He couldn't decide know what distressed her more - what they left behind or where they were heading. He believed the latter, but he couldn't be sure.

After hours of silence, she finally spoke. "I miss being a part of that family. . . Even when I'm with Vinny, I miss that feeling of home."

Taking one hand off the wheel, he reached over for hers.

She interlaced their fingers."I left Vinny and the kids and I might not get a chance to make it up to them."

Angel squeezed her hand. "We'll take this one moment at a time."

Her knee started shaking.

He wished he could see her face.

"Please, pull over."

Her hoarse command received immediate obedience.

As soon as he pulled to the right hand shoulder, he heard her door open. Watching her walk into an orchard of pistachio trees, he gave her a moment of solitude before following.

The moon didn't offer much light, but as a vampire he didn't need it. Even with her windy trail, he found her easily.

She stood with her back towards him and arms folded. "Sunnydale is going to be the death of me." She let out a shaky breath. "I've always known it."

Slowly, he approached. "We don't know that."

With head bowed, she turned towards him. "I just need a moment of not being scared."

Her words didn't make sense to him until he felt her lips against his. Slipping into his coat, Buffy wrapped her hands around his ribs pulling him closer. Finger nails pressed into his shirt imprinting crescents on his skin.

At first, he didn't know how to react. He thought about pulling back, about making her talk to him.

Her body's frantic squirming banished the thought.

She pressed harder and harder into him - as if she wanted to hide inside him, and he pressed back wanting to surround her with everything she craved: safety, comfort, love. No matter how they bent, held, or pushed, they couldn't get close enough.

She pushed his jacket off his shoulders and went to work on his shirt.

Feeling her pull him to the ground, he spun them so her back fell against his coat.

Nauseous with anxiety, the night air felt good against their damp skin.

Her rapid pulse brought his attention to her blood. Biting her would make him feel less feverish but make her feel more so. He practically growled with frustration. Why couldn't giving her _his _strength be so easy?

She finished undressing him as he went to work on her tight dress.

They didn't need to be bare to connect; considering their location, they shouldn't have been, but their desire to see and feel all of the other overshadowed all concern.

As Angel entered her, he put his head to the ground by her hair and breathed in her scent. The feel of Buffy, the scent of Buffy, the sounds of Buffy - they meant home to him.

She gasped and clung to him as he moved in her. She was his home.

Feeling her tense and moan, he felt an urge to take her higher. He slowed and intensified his movements to prolong her flight. All the while he nuzzled the smooth skin between her shoulder and neck.

As she started to descend, he sped up his movements adding his hand to her heat. Moments later she was flying again. He ground his teeth to hold himself back, but her hoarse cry, "Angel!" broke his control.

Releasing inside her, he felt all his hope, dreams, love and future flow into her too.

Limply, he lay down over his love. Her chest rose and fell beneath his in a steady rhythm. Her breaths, the rapid beats of her heart, and the slide of her skin against his made the perfect symphony.

Turning his head towards her, he saw her eyes closed. No longer clutching or grasping, her lands lay passive against him.

Closing his eyes, he hid his head near her small shoulder. She'd wanted to disappear inside him, but he was the one feeling surrounded and safe in his lover.

He placed soft kisses along her neck. She didn't make a sound. She'd needed something from him and he feared he hadn't provided it. She was his safe place and family, but he might not be home to her yet.

Holding her tighter, he wondered if he ever would be.

* * *

Buffy sat in the parked car staring vaguely familiar houses.

Trying not to pressure her, Angel kept himself from looking over when he spoke. "We didn't have to start here. . . we still don't."

She replied flatly, "I wanted to get the hard part over with."

He nodded. " . . . and now?" Glancing at her, he saw her shrink in her seat.

"I want to leave and never come back."

Angel sat quietly while she took deep breaths. They didn't sound calming; to him, they sounded more like hyperventilating, but he forced himself to let her work through it.

Before her breathing started to even, she was out of the car and marching forward.

He followed watching her warily. After a block, she stumbled.

He caught her and held on as she turned away. Hearing her retch, he bent with her and pulled her hair aside.

She'd barely eaten for days, so nothing came up. That didn't stop her body from going through all the painful motions. Eventually, tremors took the place of gagging and violent spasms.

Pulling her closer, he held her firmly and tried to absorb her pain into himself.

She clutched weakly at him causing him to hold her even tighter.

She whimpered, "Tell me I'm strong."

He nuzzled her hair. "You are the strongest soul I've ever known."

She buried her head in his chest. "Tell me you love me no matter what."

He ran his hands slowly run up and down her back. Willing her heartbeat and breathing to calm, he pressed a soft kiss on the top of her head. "Whatever happens, in this life or the next, I will always love you."

Feeling her body start to go limp, he bent and put his arm to back of her knees. He carefully carried her to the sidewalk curb and sat down with her in his lap. Then, he simply held her.

Minutes passed in silence.

Sheltering her with his body, he gave her the only thing he had: himself. He might not be enough, but feeling her cuddle into him and breathe in his scent, he thought there was a chance.

Her breathing slowed and her pulse evened and still he held her.

In the stillness, in the quiet, they sat . . . together . . . and felt the rightness of thier intimacy.

She kissed his neck and shifted in his lap.

He loosened his arms allowing her to move off, but she stayed where she was.

He didn't ask her if she was okay. He didn't offer to drive them away. He stayed quiet with her and savored this closeness.

More minutes . . . more steady breaths . . . another soft kiss to her head . . . and eventually, she started to stand.

She hadn't shed a tear, but she wiped her eyes anyway. Before she continued walking, she held out her hand. He took it in both of his and lifted it to his lips.

She watched him kiss her hand and he watched her blush. He brought their entwined hands down and turned forward. He smirked at her and slowly, she started forward again.

Glancing at his still smirking face, she shook her head, smiled, and continued the rest of way with steady steps. Another three blocks and they reached their destination.

Buffy stared at the old, ornately carved door. She hadn't looked in the window and she didn't seem eager to enter, but after a moment, she released his hand and knocked.

Angel listened as paper rustling stopped and steps approached the door.

It opened and Willow stood before them. The girls stared at each other both feeling memories take the space of other thoughts.

Willow's hair was shorter; Buffy was brunette. Will dressed like a watcher and Buffy dressed like Faith, and none of it seemed to matter. Their minds catapulted to the last time they saw each other.

Will's eyes watered. "You're here."

Buffy nodded solemnly. "Just arrived."

She nearly whispered, "We didn't think you were coming back."

Expression softening, Buffy delivered the harsh truth in a gentle voice. "I wasn't Will."

Willow gave a slight jerky nod and her eyes watered more.

Before a tear could fall, Angel interjected. "Can we come in?"

She stepped back quickly. "Of course. I invite you in." She walked back to the paper-covered desk. "Giles is getting books from upstairs. He should be down any minute."

Willow didn't make eye contact again, but Buffy wasn't looking at her anyway. She looked at the walls and the furniture - at all the aspects of Giles home that she recognized. The last time she'd stood in this room, she conversed with a demon about saving the world.

She'd obsessed over every detail of that night, and now she couldn't believe how small this room was, how mundane the knickknacks. It's like the room didn't remember Whistler, or Giles' kidnapping, or Jenny's death. . . his house looked exactly the same yet felt completely different.

Lost in memory, she felt Angel slip his hand back in hers. His gentle squeeze dissipated her thoughts and relieving the pain. She looked up gratefully. He was a living reminder that some things had been made right . . . after all that hell, somehow she'd been allowed to keep his love.

Just as Angel's touch took away the pain, a single sound brought it back. Heavy steps sounded from the staircase. Angel looked over, but Buffy didn't move.

The steps stopped when they reached the bottom; even then, Buffy wouldn't turn around.

Willow spoke from the desk. "Buffy's here. I let them in a minute ago."

Gile's familiar voice floated across the room. "I heard."

Will squeaked, "I'll call Faith and tell her to stop by after her patrol."

Buffy could feel Giles' eyes on her back as he spoke. "That's a fine plan."

Will nodded and reached for the phone bumping the desk and sending papers to the floor. The room stayed silent as Willow delivered the message to Faith.

Buffy took the sound of her hanging up the phone as her cue. Keeping her face down, she slowly turned towards her former watcher. "I appreciate you coming. I know you guys travelled a long way."

"From England."

She nodded. She could feel him still watching her - looking for something.

After a moment, he sighed. "We were due for a trip here anyway. Faith may have quit the council, but they still like to check in from time to time."

Still looking around the room, she nodded. "Makes sense."

Giles scowled. "Indeed."

When no more words seemed forthcoming, Willow asked. "Should I call Xander?" She glanced back and forth between Giles and Buffy. "I mean I know he's - but he'd want to -I would have called earlier, but I didn't know if . . ."

The question was directed at Giles, but he seemed to be waiting for Buffy to answer. When neither of them said anything, Willow looked to Angel.

He answered gently. "Why don't you tell him what's going on and let him decide?"

She nodded vigorously. "Right. I can do that." Looking at the corded phone, she pulled out her cell phone and glance at the door. "I'm just gonna . . ." Angel nodded understanding and she scurried outside.

He looked on as Buffy observed every detail of the room and Giles observed every detail of her.

He tried imagining her through Giles' eyes. Her blue leather strapless dress with its short skirt and high slit didn't hide her gaunt physique. Darkened hair made her pale skin paler and brought out the circles under her eyes.

Underneath her jean jacket, the watcher probably expected to find track marks on her arms. From the watcher's perspective, life hadn't been kind to the prodigal slayer, but Angel knew better. The prodigal son left home and found trouble; Buffy left Sunnydale and found - life. She found new people to love and she only looked like a wreck to protect them . . . especially Vin.

Angel heart panged sympathetically with Buffy's at the thought of Giles not knowing about her son. While Giles saw a self-destructive youth, Angel saw an overstressed mom. She'd suffered away from Sunnydale, but none of it was self-inflicted. . . of course, her old watcher had no way of knowing that . . . a fact Buffy seemed well aware of.

Rooted at the bottom of the stairs, Giles spoke. "If Angel has told you about Faith then perhaps you've heard that your mother moved. About a year ago, she left Sunnydale." Seeing no reaction from her, Giles continued, "Faith currently resides at the house."

She nodded absently. "Hmmm."

Accepting that was all the acknowledgement his news would receive, Giles carried the books in his hand to the desk. A great deal of space still separated them. Angel suspected she planned to keep it that way.

Giles cleared his throat. "We brought everything we thought remotely relevant. Do you need our help creating a plan or simply executing?"

Buffy nodded at the floor. "We have a plan."

When she didn't elaborate, Angel answered Giles. "We'll need you and any magic supplies you brought." He glanced at Buffy. "We have a big spell in mind and a smaller one to help power it."

"It's going to be messy," Buffy added looking at dark sky beyond the window.

Giles heard the warning and question in her tone. She wanted to know if he was up to this. Warily, he replied, "Alright."

Buffy ran her hand down a bookshelf. "Do you still have access to the library?"

"At the high school?" Giles frowned. "I believe so. If not, it's easy enough to trespass."

She nodded to herself. "Good." She turned halfway towards him again. "That's where we'll need you guys."

Even though she couldn't look at him, Giles couldn't stop looking at her. "And where will you be?"

She turned her head towards him and finally met his eyes. "Beneath you."

* * *

**I ran out of stocked chapter about a month ago. Now I'm writing each week's chapter the same week that I post it. It's an iffy, schedule-dependent process, so reviews letting me know what you think about how it's going up the priority level of chapter-writing. Your reactions are all the motivation I need. **


	18. Chapter 13: Reunion

**My goal was to finish this chapter last week, but the editing ended up taking another week. Your reviews are the golden nuggets of motivation that prevent me from throwing up my hands saying, "I finish this when my life leaves time for it" -knowing life, though, there'll never be a better time to finish what I started. **

* * *

**Chapter 13: Reunion**

Ever since she started dressing like Faith, Buffy had come to appreciate the benefits of tight clothing. Her current strapless leather dress chafed in a fight, but it certainly kept her back straight. Holding in her stomach, pressing on her chest and supporting her ass, the material made her feel in control of herself. If her guts wanted to spill or her heart jumped out of her chest, she could count on the leather to keep them in place.

Standing in the same room as Xander Harris, Willow Rosenberg and Rupert Giles, her spine would have shrunk into knots if it wasn't for the skintight mini.

Faith and Spike hadn't arrived yet, but everyone else was assembled and ready - not for battle of course but for answers. The scoobie gang wanted to know about her life post-Sunnydale. They wanted to hear from her own mouth why she left, how Angel found her, and why she'd chosen now to return.

They didn't need to voice their questions. With impatient huffs and expectant glances, their body language did the talking. Maybe they were ready for battle after all; it seemed they saw her as the enemy.

Her lazy stance and lack of meaningful eye contact made clear she wasn't about to explain anything.

Xander's girlfriend was the first to communicate using words. "I thought you died."

Willow gasped. "Anya."

She shrugged, "If leaving town made new slayers, there would be way more than two." She looked at Giles. "There are only two right?"

"To my knowledge, yes." Giles started to clean his glasses. "When Buffy died and came back to life she did something unique."

Willow looked at Anya. "And she did a lot more than leave town. Other slayers have run away from watchers or gone rogue, but they couldn't hide from the council completely." She stared at Buffy. "She's the first."

Xander frowned. "What, do they put tracking chips them or something?"

Willow nodded. "Magically, yes." When she looked back at Buffy, her eyes were watering. "When no one could locate your energy . . . they think you're dead."

Angel observed Willow and Giles. "But you thought otherwise."

Putting on his glassed, Giles cleared his throat. "If anyone could succeed in defying rules and expectations, it would be Buffy."

Buffy sighed. "I didn't die, but I'd appreciate you keeping that between us." She shrugged. "Telling would defeat the purpose of the hair dye."

Willow whispered, "So you don't always look like this?"

Buffy softened her voice. "No, Will. Most days, I look very normal."

Xander harrumphed. "Not a word for years and the only thing you can say is you live your new life blonde."

Anya bobbed her head. "Blonde is a good color. Why would you return to a place where you have to be brunette?"

Xander nodded. "Good question." He frowned at Anya. "Kinda" He looked back at Buffy. "We moved on Buff - you're mom literally moved!" He scowled. "You can't just come back, call a meeting, and expect us to act like nothing changed." Willow and Giles stared at the floor in silent agreement. "We're not you're backup anymore; you've got _Angelus _for that." Xander folded his arms. "Tell us what's going on, or go back to wherever the hell you've been all this time."

Buffy spoke haltingly. "I'm closing the hellmouth - for good . . . and I can't do it alone." Standing straight, she finally looked them all in the eyes. "You were with me in the beginning." Her eyes landed on Giles. "There's no one I'd rather want with me at the end."

Angel nudged her. "You want to tell them the plan?"

Buffy glanced at him then back at the room. "You're not going to like it. It's dark and it's dangerous and if there was another way to protect this dimension from all the others, I would have found it." Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath before facing them again. "I left because I hurt you." She looked at each of their faces. "I stayed away because I didn't want to hurt you again." She felt Angel's hand find hers. "But I need your help to save the world one last time."

Anya tilted her head. "Are you going to die again? You certainly look close to death."

Buffy could sense Angel fighting his impulse to hold her. They both feared the repercussions of their plan, but they wanted to act strong for each other and for the room.

Buffy smiled faintly. "I miss the life I made away from here." She looked into Angel's eyes. "We have every intention of surviving our plan."

No one had any words for reply. They wanted to know the plan's specifics and at the same time, they wanted to stay ignorant.

Whatever she needed from them, they understood it was bigger than anything they'd done before.

* * *

Faith and Spike found Buffy in the corner of the front garden.

"I don't think I've ever heard that lot silent before. Put a spell on them love?"

Buffy shook her head. "They've moved from interrogation to silently plotting our deaths."

Faith frowned. "Even red?"

"I drank holy water to prove Angel hadn't turned me." With arms folded, she shrugged. "They're not convinced."

Spike frowned. "You left him alone in there?"

Buffy could see Angel's shoulder through the window. "He kicked me out."

Spike marched towards the door. "Bloody fools."

Buffy moved to follow him, but Faith pulled her back. "Chill. He's just makin' sure the groupies don't stake the star."

Buffy leaned back against the wall. "You sound sure."

It was Faith's turn to shrug. "Spike called dibs on killing your love machine."

"Now that everybody is here, I guess it's time to get this crazy ball rolling."

Faith threw an arm around her as she stood straight. "You look good by the way."

Buffy smirked. "Funny, you're the only one who thinks so."

Faith checked her out. "Well, you could use some work. The look is white-trash slut not pricey hooker."

Buffy put an arm around her too as they headed inside. "Bet a night with you doesn't come without a cost."

Faith walked in smiling. "So true."

Everyone looked up as they entered together and stared dumbfounded - everyone that is, except for the vampires. Angel wore a neutral expression while Spike sucked in his cheeks and grinned. "Just think: one night, the two of them . . ." He gave him a side-glance. "Of course, we could do without you."

Angel glowered at the younger vampire.

Slowly, Xander stood to face the slayers. "Exactly, _how_ do you know each other?" His phrasing made it unclear who he expected to answer.

Willow looked between the vampires and the slayers. Her voice wavered, "You guys are friends?"

Anya shrugged. "Obviously, she only likes people with superpowers. When I turned human, all my demon friends stopped talking to me too."

Spike huffed, "Well that's a load of hog swallow."

Faith stepped forward. "Buffy helped me out a couple times. That's it."

Xander glared. "She help Spike too?" He hadn't really thought she had, but when no one denied it, he fumed at Buffy, "That's great, abandon the people who really care about you and run off to save people who would sooner kill you!"

Spike rolled his eyes while Faith threw up her arms. "_Who _are you talking about? I do the slayer routine -kicking evil's ass and so does Spike." She noticed Xander's continued hostile glances towards Angel. "And you can't be talking 'bout Angel. How many times has he saved you neck now?"

"As many as he tried to bite it!"

Sighing, Buffy met Giles' eyes across the room. Slowly, she stepped past Faith in to the middle of the room. "I don't know the history between all of you, but-"

Xander yelped, "Spike tried to kill you! Angel nearly did, and Faith almost killed all of us!"

Faith scowled. "I was spying on the mayor- not joining up with him! How many times do you need to hear it?"

Anya shrugged. "Seemed pretty cozy to me."

Finally, Giles spoke over the drink in his hand. "It seems to me you know enough of the history to understand our shock." He looked right into her. "Without explanation, you shut out everyone save the most dangerous characters."

"No." Buffy's voice was low but firm. "I shut everyone out." She stared at the ground. "The only person I ever came back for was mom."

The room seemed to erupt. "What?!" "When?" "Why didn't she tell us?" "You knew?!"

Buffy waited for the initial blurts to pass before continuing. "Whether you guys choose to see it or not, you're safer without me." She glanced at Faith and held her hand. "But she wasn't." She looked around at Faith, Spike, and Angel. "I don't understand how we ended up in each others' lives again, but somehow, they became my family." Her eyes returned to the others. "I don't see them often, but when they need me, I find them. Now, I need them, and they're here." She squeezed Faith's hand while still facing the room. "I'm not asking you to accept my decisions or forgive any of us, but I am asking for your help." She locked eyes with Giles. "Please do this. Not for me - but because you want the hellmouth gone as much as I do."

"Perhaps it's time you told us the details of your plan."

Buffy nodded.

Taking another sip of scotch, Giles continued, ". . .and when you were hoping to accomplish this."

"Tomorrow night." Buffy walked over to Angel and took folded notes out of his coat. She started laying them out on the coffee table. "That's when this should happen."

* * *

**Next chapter will have all the details of their plan . . . .**


	19. Chapter 14: Can We Try?

**Sorry for the late post. I did have this written for last week, but just couldn't seem to stop making minor adjustments. I admit it: I'm addicted to editing. **

* * *

**Chapter 14: Can We Try?**

As the others looked over her notes, Buffy eyed Giles' empty glass. It had been full at the beginning of the conversation.

Willow squinted to read the writing. "I don't understand. This looks like the spell to keep vampires out of a house."

Angel nodded. "We're expanding it."

Xander frowned. "Expanding _how_?"

Buffy tore her focus away from Giles. "Basically, we're making this whole dimension my home. Anything outside of this dimension will need an invitation to get in."

Spike grinned. "Tell em' how you plan to power this lil' spell - that's my favorite bit."

Anya leaned forward. "It must be quite scandalous to make a slayer blush."

Pushing her hair back, Buffy tried to will her blush away. "The important thing to remember is we're going to need all the power we can get."

Willow stared wide-eyed at the notes. "I don't know if that that much power even exists."

Angel pushed another paper towards the redhead. "This is the spell that we'll need your help with."

Xander watched her read. "Come on, what's it say Will?"

Somehow, her eyes became even wider. "She's going to invoke the magic that made slayers." She looked up at Buffy. "She'll be a concentrated incarnation of the slayer's essence."

Buffy met her gaze. "And that won't be enough. After I become a vessel for that power, I'll need to magnify it."

Giles frowned. "And how do you propose to do that?"

Buffy couldn't meet his eyes. "With the most powerful magics around."

"Tell him what those are, love."

Seeing her struggle, Angel supplied the words. "Sex and blood."

Willow gave a little gasp.

Faith shrugged. "Here's hoping slayer essence doesn't kill Angel mid-boink."

Xander yelped, "Or he doesn't kill her! Has everybody forgotten about the curse. You can't do this!"

In the following silence, Angel mumbled, "I fixed it."

"What was that deadboy?"

Buffy sighed again. "Xander, the curse has been dealt with, but I'm not gonna lie - there are a lot of places this plan could fall apart. If invoking this power doesn't kill me, we're hoping the sex doesn't kill him."

Anya frowned. "But how is drinking _his _blood going to give _you _power? You sounded pretty sure about not being a vampire."

Faith and Spike rolled their eyes.

Buffy just leaned back against the couch. "I'm not a vampire. But violence and dominance does amp up my powers as a slayer."

Spike put in. "The fun isn't in the eating. It's in the taking."

Looking at Buffy, Xander harrumphed, "Good choice in brainstorm buddy. You're big plan is have rough sex while on a supernatural high."

Anya nodded. "I like it. Can we try?"

Xander blushed and everyone's eyes got a little wider.

Buffy cleared her throat. "Once I take in all that power, I'm going to perform the protection spell declaring this plane off limits."

Giles stared at his empty glass. His voice sounded grave, "And when the owner of this 'house' dies, what happens then?"

Willow perked up. "Since you'll be slayer essence, will every slayer be considered a resident of this plane?"

Spike rolled his eyes. "It's an embodied essence, pet - emphasis on the body."

Buffy mumbled, "They'd have to be related to me to keep the spell working."

Xander supplied, "Like your mom."

"Yes, if she hadn't - if she wasn't . . ."

Angel finished for her. "Joyce isn't an option anymore."

Willow frowned, "So who does that leave?"

Faith's eyes filled with sympathy. "Her kids . . ."

Anya tilted her head. "Being a slayer, you probably won't even live long enough to procreate. This spell will be useless after a couple years."

Buffy shrugged. "Worst case for you guys is things stay exactly the same." She leaned against the wall. "Even if our plan works perfectly, I've signed all my descendants up for some serious responsibility." She looked around the room. "It's not fair to them or best, but if I'm willing to do this then so should you."

Angel nodded. "This plan isn't asking you to take risks; it just asks you to help."

Spike jutted out his chin. "And what if a bloke wants some risk?"

Faith came to his side. "Can't we spread it around?"

Angel looked at Buffy then back at Spike. "If we get ourselves killed, you can be the ones to finish the job."

Spike squinted at Angel. "The only thing left to figure out is how a couple of vampires impregnate their lady folk."

Faith punched his stomach.

He coughed, "How were _you_ planning on getting descendants?"

Faith looked at Buffy a little concerned.

Buffy didn't avoid the question in her eyes. She faced her squarely. "If the plan makes it to that point, I know someone willing to help me."

Angel kept his eyes on the floor. He'd bet anything she meant Lindsey. Since Vinny was alive and well, they'd never talked about the descendants issue, but he'd bet Lindsey would agree in a heartbeat; they would be a relatively normal family. . . at best, Angle would end up the lover on the side.

He felt a sharp jab to his stomach. Bending over, her grunted and looked at Buffy who apparently had just elbowed him.

Spike grinned at his discomfort.

While looking at Angel, Buffy spoke to the room. "Whatever happens, Angel and I are committed to a life together - however long, short, or complicated that may be."

Giles grimaced. "I need another drink."

Xander grunted. "And I need a first one."

While they headed to the kitchen, Buffy walked over to Angel. Ignoring the others in the room, she hugged him and looked straight into his eyes. "You're mine and I'm yours, and that's that."

* * *

Xander came back to the main room and looked over the notes with Willow and the others, but Giles didn't return.

Deciding to find him, Buffy let Angel field the rest of their questions.

Giles wasn't in the kitchen anymore. She walked down the wall and found the door to the bathroom closed. As she knocked the door swung open to reveal Giles sitting on the bathtub with another full glass of scotch.

She closed the door behind her and leaned against the counter.

He stared into his glass. "Four years."

She watched him take a sip. "I used to wonder if I made the right decision. I don't have those doubts anymore."

"No?"

Hearing the anger in his voice, she kept her tone neutral. "No."

"Now that Angel and you found a way to be together, no one else matters."

She smiled sadly. "I have so many people who matter, whose lives would have been worse without me." She looked at the closed door. "But you guys were better off - always will be."

Giles gaze snapped up. "You know nothing of our lives since you left." His eyes flashed with rage. "Nothing of our pain."

Boldly, she met his gaze. "I've been left behind before." In the face of his fury, her eye flamed with conviction. "I know loneliness and regret and grief so heavy you think you'll never get up again." Her voice turned low. "I also know how to survive because you taught me how."

The fury in his eyes slowly burned down to hurt.

"You did your job. I fought my hardest battle and I won." She blinked back her sorrow. "I could do the rest on my own, and it was better for them that I did."

Giles voice roughened. "A few hours isn't enough to make that assessment."

"You left Sunnydale to help Willow train to be a Watcher. She hasn't performed a dangerous spell since restoring Angel's soul."

"You can't know that."

"I know." She smiled faintly. "Just like I know, Xander hasn't battled demons since the high school closed. Neither have you." Her gaze turned to the floor. "Without a slayer involving you in supernatural battles, there hasn't been a reason for you guys to be in one." She murmured, "That's why I help Faith."

"When this is over you'll disappear without a word again . . ."

She kept her eyes glued to the floor. "I have people waiting for me."

"_We_waited for you."

"I know." She glanced at him. "Even after that night, you guys still loved me."

Mumbling, he gruffed, "Of course."

"Before she died, mom had a chance to see the life I made. She was proud. I think you'd be too - even if it's not what the slayer handbook had in mind."

His voice softened. "You never needed a handbook."

"I've made mistakes and made a mess out of a lot of things, but facing my problems alone helped me grow up."

Giles took in the vision of his slayer again. "Only four years but it feels like ten."

Allowing herself to really look at him, she nodded. "It really does."

"It's good to see you."

She smirked. "I'm working up to good. It's still kinda weird."

For the first time that night, Giles smiled. "You work on that while I mull on this plan of yours."

She smiled too. "You got to admit it's pretty brilliant."

His smile slowly faded. "It's a lot of risk for an unknown duration of protection." His voice tightened. "If you're slaying again, Anya is right. There's a reason why few slayers ever reproduced." His eyes found her reluctantly. "Considering all the injuries you've sustained, you may not be able . . ."

Standing away from the counter, Buffy approached him. "Giles, I am fine." She sat beside him on the tub. "I know I can have children . . . because I already have one."

His eyes widened.

"I'm a mom to a beautiful boy named Vincent."

"Buffy." Emotion kept him from continuing his thought.

She nodded. "But you're right. There are reasons why slayers don't have many descendants. One of the ways I protect him is by keeping him a secret. Spike and Faith know about him, but only Angel knows he's still alive."

Giles gasped. "You faked his death?"

Her eyes turned somber. "No."

Once again, Giles was at a loss for words.

"Will you keep my secret? Help me protect him?"

Wordlessly, he nodded.

"I'm here to change the world for him."

"That's the life Joyce saw." His eyes filled with understanding and pride.

Emotion started to steal her voice too, so she just nodded.

Giles put down his glass and hugged her.

Burrowing her face in his shoulder, she smelled tea and wool and dusty books. It brought back the best memories of her past - of being cared for and forgiven.

Giles held on tightly. His small slayer had grown into someone more amazing than he could fully understand at the moment. She'd been extraordinary before, but she wasn't potentially anything anymore, she simply _was_. She was everything he knew she could be.

He wished as hard as he'd wish anything that her vision of changing the world wouldn't kill her. He'd just been introduced to the woman she'd become. All to easily, he could imagine losing her again, and it horrified him.

His grip tightened. Instead of pulling away, she held on tighter too.


	20. Chapter 15: Don't Ever Leave Me

**Thank you for reviewing last week's chapter. Writing the scene between Buffy and Giles was difficult mainly because I imagine Giles having so many emotions about Buffy's return that it took a lot of thought to predict which ones would come out at which moment. I'm glad you were satisfied with the way it turned out. **

* * *

**Chapter 15: Don't Ever Leave Me**

Buffy watched as Angel lit a fire. They'd left Gile's house and found somewhere safe to stay. . . . at least, physically safe.

"You really chose to live here after what happened."

Angel looked up and saw her holding herself. Instead of standing up again, Angel sat with his back against the wall. "It's just a place. Right now it's a place far away from Faith which lessens the chance of you two being seen together."

Buffy glanced around the mansion. "I came here on my own once . . . before I married Lindsey." She stared at the sooty stain that marked the place where Acathla had stood. "It reminded me why I wanted my life in Sunnydale to fade. Being with him made the memories less real somehow."

Angel stared at the soot stain too. "With me, they'll always be real."

Holding herself tighter, she whispered, "Why does it still hurt so bad?"

Slowly, he stood. He held her eyes as he approached. "People you care about were hurt. You were hurt." He reached out and caressed her shoulders. "You feel responsible; I actually am."

She looked up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I wasn't here when you came back."

"I'm not." He carefully pulled her into his arms. "Seeing me strong again, you didn't give me pity, you gave the truth."

She pressed harder into him.

He rubbed a hand down her back. "Remember the last time we were here?"

Face buried in his chest, she mumbled, "Yes."

"I kept thinking any moment you'd disappear . . . but you didn't." He nestled his head into her hair. "When I think of this place now, I remember lying in your lap with your fingers in my hair.

You stayed long after you thought I fell asleep . . . watching over me, loving me."

She whimpered against him, "I might get us killed tomorrow."

"That would mean we gave everything we have to make the world a better place for the people we love. That's an acceptable end to our story, isn't it?"

She remembered her words from long ago, _Giving up means losing hope and that's . . .that's not how our story should end._ She felt a tear leaking out. "You trust me too much."

"And you love me too much."

She sputtered out a chuckle.

Above her, Angel smiled.

Surrounded by her Angel, Buffy realized the mansion really was just a place. It didn't matter where they spent their last night as long as they were together.

Angel woke up to the sight of Buffy putting on her shoes. He didn't need a clock to tell him the time. "Sunset is still far off."

"I know." She sat down next to him on the bed. "There's something I got to do."

He leaned up to accept her kiss. "And this something wouldn't happen to have sewer access."

She wrinkled her nose. "Sorry."

He ran a hand down her smooth shoulder to her small fingers. "You going to have enough energy for tonight?"

Watching him play with her hand, she smirked. "We both know staying in bed would not mean rest."

He lifted her hand and lightly kissed and bit her fingertip. "It means something much better."

With her other hand, she scraped her fingers over his scalp. "There'll be plenty of time for that tonight."

He added pressure to his teasing bite. "It will be different."

Feeling him pierce the skin, she gasped. "Scared?" She searched his eyes.

He sucked the finger he'd pierced. "I'll take you any way I can get you."

She pulled on his hair lightly. "Good."

Releasing her hand, he laid back on the bed.

She let herself enjoy the view of his naked body at rest before her. "Do me a favor?"

He looked up with lazy, contented eyes. "Anything."

For a moment, she didn't want to form words. She just wanted to memorize how brown his eyes were, how mischievous his smirking slips, how loving the crinkles around his eyes looked when something pleased him. No real angel could be more beautiful.

"Buffy?"

She caressed his hair again. "In a minute." She brought her other hand to his cheek feeling it's softness and the muscles used in his smile. As his eyes grew clear with emotion, she whispered, "In a minute."

* * *

Willow sat at a table with coffee cupped between her hands. "I didn't think you were interested in catching up."

Buffy took in all that was familiar and unfamiliar about her old friend. "I miss you guys more than I let myself feel most of the time. Even if we both have other things we should be doing, I didn't want to this chance to slip by . . ."

Willow frowned. "And the big plan has to happen tonight because of the sun spot thing."

She nodded. "It'll be too long before our next chance. . . That many years from now I might not be . . ."

Will leaned forward. "So you didn't stop slaying."

"I tried." Buffy leaned forward too. "Away from the hellmouth, apocalypses weren't hard to dodge, but everyday evils were still a thing. It was either let people get murdered or pull my stake out of retirement."

"Any time Giles heard of a girl fighting monsters, he thought it might be you." Willow looked down at her coffee. "He used to try to track them down, but the past couple years he's just been taking the rumors as signs you're alive . . . somewhere . . ."

Buffy didn't immediately try to fill the silence. She continued to take in the presence of someone dearly missed. "I'm trying to imagine what your life has been like. Senior year, prom, oxford, training with the council . . . I know your lives weren't on pause. It's just weird to have missed it."

Willow's eyes turned challenging. "I'm not going to tell you about my life if you're not going to say anything about yours. You're not the only one who feels they missed out on stuff." Her face turned pouty. "You being in costume isn't helping."

Buffy considered her a moment. "I got married." She watched her friend's eyes widened. "and divorced."

Will forgot her reserve for a moment. Her voice perked up with interest. "Because of Angel?"

Buffy shook her head. "More because I fall for guys who live in life's grey areas. The darker parts caught up to him and kinda took my choice away."

"I'm sorry."

Buffy shrugged. "The relationship didn't end with a sword in his chest, so I called it improvement." Taking a sip of coffee, she smiled. "Your turn."

"Well, no marriage for me, but Oz and I broke up."

Buffy nodded.

"And I kinda . . . . ." Willow stared at her coffee. "Started seeing women."

It was Buffy's turn to have wide eyes.

"I met someone in England . . . Lidia. It- it wasn't something I was looking for. It's just powerful. and it's totally different from what I knew before."

Buffy smiled. "Wow."

Willow quickly scanned her face. "Are you freaked?"

"Relationships are hard and complicated and if you've found someone who makes you happy - all I am is really glad."

Willow started to share her smile. "I guess all three of us are in kind of unconventional relationships."

Buffy quirked her brow. "Xander?"

"Anya used to be a vengeance demon."

"Used to be . . ."

"She's human now."

She leaned back in her seat. "Big changes for everyone then."

"Yeah . . ." Willow's brow started to furrow.

"What is it Will?"

She stayed thoughtfully silent a moment. "I understand you having to bail. I can forgive that, but I don't think you should have stayed gone."

Buffy also paused before speaking. She formed her words carefully, "If I had come back, it would have been because I missed you all, but the people I met needed me and people here were better off without me."

"How can you say that?"

Buffy smiled sadly. "Because it's true." Seeing her shake her head, Buffy continued, "Willow, you almost died because of me."

"No, that was Drusilla and Angelus and-"

"Monsters who wouldn't have known who you were if you hadn't been my best friend."

Willow was still shaking her head. "You saved my life a bunch of times too - you saved the whole world . . ."

"I could have done it on my own, but I was young and lonely and scared of what my future might look like."

She frowned. "You're allowed to have friends Buffy."

Buffy let out a big breath. "I'm not allowed to put them in danger - even if they agree to it . . . even if they say they want it."

Will argued, "What happened that night wasn't your fault."

"It was just my life." Buffy shrugged. "Involving people in the dangerous parts of it was a mistake." She looked down at the table. "If there's one thing I could ask forgiveness for - it's letting you guys help me . . . even if I knew it could end badly."

Willow stayed silent for a while just frowning at her. "You were the most amazing person I'd ever met, _my best friend_. I won't forgive you for letting me be a part of your life." She scrunched up her nose showing how little sense Buffy's perspective made to her. Shaking her head once, she leveled a hard stare. "The thing I really won't forgive you for is shutting me out of it." Her voice got quieter. "That whole first year I kept thinking any day now she'll come back or call or write or something . . . but you never did."

Buffy's expression mirrored Willow's hurting one. Buffy echoed, "I never did."

Willow got up from the table. "I'll see you tonight."

Buffy didn't try to stop her from leaving. There was nothing she could say or do to change the past or Willow's perspective on it. Even if she'd meant well, Buffy's actions had hurt people she loved. Buffy gazed at the empty seat accepting this pain as her due.

* * *

**Lines taken from Buffy Season 4 Episode 19, "New Moon Rising" and Buffy Season 3 Episode 2, "Dead Man's Party."**


	21. Chapter 16: A Little Time

**Chapter 16: A Little Time**

It was nearing sunset. Buffy looked at the note in her hand then back up at the building in front of her. Squaring her shoulders, she entered and walked up the stairs. Wandering the halls, she finally found the door she'd been searching for.

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and knocked.

Anya opened the door. "We were about to leave for the school, for your plan - which everyone thinks is doomed."

"I just wanted to talked to Xander . . . before everything."

Anya held the door open wider. "Xander, the kinky slayer is here."

Buffy blushed but waited quietly for Xander to appear. The apartment was large so she didn't know which door to look for him in. He came out of the one on the left with a duffle. "We were just about to head over and help set up."

She shrugged. "There's not a lot to set up."Buffy smiled tentatively. "We have a little time."

He frowned. "Okay . . ."

"Can we talk?"

Warily he replied, "Sure."

The three of them sat down awkwardly.

After a moment of silence, Anya was the first to speak. "If you don't have anything to say, you could have not said things somewhere else - somewhere not here."

Buffy smiled nervously. "True." She looked at Xander. "But I really don't have something to say. I thought you might."

Xander's expression was definitely unsmiling. "Nope."

She looked at her hands. "Okay then; I'll say it for you." She took another deep breath. "You wish I would have leaned on you guys for support back then instead of leaving. At the very least, I should have made contact at some point before now to let you know I wasn't dead."

She watched him nod as she continued, "Running away was immature, selfish, and total idiocy. It hurt my mom, my watcher, my friends - not to mention the people who were hurt or killed because I wasn't here to fight for them. Boy troubles isn't a good enough reason for ditching town - especially when that boy is a demon. And it really isn't a good reason to stay away."

Offended by the demon comment, Anya scowled. "Hey!"

Buffy ignored her and kept her eyes locked on Xander.

"My leaving hurt you. Staying gone made you angry. And me being back right now? You've no clue how to feel about that." Her voice lowered and softened, "What you do know is if you keep your distance and pretend it doesn't matter then there's a chance it won't hurt like hell when I leave again."

Xander wore a distinctly blank expression.

Buffy sighed. "That's what I came here to hear even if you're not ready to talk."

Anya patted Xander's knee. "I think you did a good job talking for him." She smiled. "That sounded very like what he would say."

Buffy smiled faintly. "It's been a long time, but I know my friend."

When he spoke, Xander's voice sounded flat, "We're not friends . . . not anymore."

She looked at her hands again. "I understand." She slowly stood up and walked to the door. Holding the doorknob, she heard him speak.

"Your plan is stupid, but we'll help."

She squeezed the handle before opening it. "Thank you." She walked out and he let her. Apparently, those were all the words they could bear to each other.

Walking down the hallway, Buffy felt like peace itself rained down on her. Sprinklings of contentment, acceptance, and joy touched her heart. She remembered this feeling. She'd felt it after leaving her ring in the mansion. It had been a few years, but closure still felt the same. Searing at first, the pain eventually dulled to an ache she could live with.

* * *

Leaning against the door frame, Buffy looked at the mansion's garden. Bathed in the light of sunset, even dead plans looked beautiful.

Angel stood back - careful of the sun rays streaming in. "Anne?"

"The last moments anywhere feel slower . . . or bigger."

He wished he could hold her, but sunlight enforced the isolation she'd established. He stayed in the shadows with her just out of reach. "How did the visits go?"

Her face remained expressionless. "As expected." She turned her face towards him. "Willow and Xander deserved a chance to express their pain at its source before it's too late." She turned back to the garden. "But they have more stored than can be released in one day."

Angel would have wished her a different kind of reunion . . . with more focus on present joys than past hurts. Her youthful friends were not yet capable of that.

He reached out to hold her hand. The sound of burning flesh accompanying his touch startled her. "Angel," she gasped, "You're hurting yourself."

"I don't care."

She stepped back out of the light and immediately he approached her. Finally, he could see directly into her eyes. She captured so much of his focus, he was glad to capture this much of hers.

He caressed her face like she often caressed his.

Nuzzling into his touch, she sighed, "Liam."

"You have me." He took her in his arms so her back leaned against his chest and they both faced the withered flowers. "Let me carry some of the pain."

She leaned her whole weight against him -letting him hold her up. "Okay."

He loved the easy way she said it - like the concession didn't take much thought. She'd come to trust him long ago, so giving in wasn't hard. In fact, it was the easiest thing she'd done in a while.

Together they watched the garden of death move through the colors of sunset before finally fading into night.

* * *

She glanced around the hallway lined with lockers. "It looks different."

"It is different, Will." Xander placed the satchel filled with herbs behind one of the lockers. "We didn't level the place, but we did take the rebuild as an opportunity to change some things."

"You think it's weird for Giles to be in a library over a hellmouth again?"

Xander sighed. "Everything about this is weird for everyone here." He grabbed another satchel from the duffel and counted his steps a certain distance before placing it down. "Giles is setting up a spell in the library. Buffy's somewhere beneath us, and you and I are wandering the halls of our old high school."

Willow stayed quiet a few minutes.

Together they placed a few more protection satchels.

"I saw her today. . ."

Xander stated quiet.

"She didn't seem sorry." Willow murmured, "It's like it was easy for her to move on."

"She hasn't been pining for us that's for sure."

They walked back towards the library.

"She said her only regret was including us in her slay-stuff to begin with."

He shook his head. "In her warped thinking, shutting us out was like her gift to us."

Pouting, she grumbled, "Didn't feel like a gift."

Xander looked at her and got a momentary flashback -Willow in the hospital, with a swollen head, and eyelids too heavy to lift. He put an arm around her. "A lot of bad went down back then . . . this was the only way she could think of to make up for it."

When she looked up at him, Xander saw her healthy and innocence. England had been good to her. Resigning himself to speaking the truth, he sighed. "I don't agree with what she did, but I don't doubt she cared about us."

Putting her arm around him too, Willow gave him a side-hug. "I've missed you."

"I've been here the whole time. I'm the only one who _hasn't _left."

She lay her head on his shoulder. "Why'd you stay in Sunnydale?"

Xander shrugged. "I don't know."

"Yeah, you do." She poked his side.

"Guess there wasn't a reason for me to leave."

" . . . But there was a reason to stay?"

Xander frowned at the ground. "Somewhere deep down maybe I was hopin' if I hung around long enough, things might go back to the way they were . . . Buffy would come home and so you and Giles being the watchers would have to come back, and we'd pick up where we left off - taking on evil as a team." He shook his head at himself. "What a stupid-head, huh?"

She looked up at him and shook her head. "Not stupid." She glanced at the familiar sight of classroom and school bells. "I wanted to be a watcher for a lot of reasons but maybe one of them was because I thought if I joined the council I'd have a better chance of meeting up with her someday."

Xander wore a thoughtful expression. "She looked old and really, really pale."

Willow nodded. "She looks tired."

"Guess staying gone wasn't the easy way out."

Willow merely "hmmed" by his side resting her head back on his shoulder.

He mused, "I haven't thought about demons or death in a while, but I'm bettin' she hasn't stopped - no matter what she says."

Willow shook her head sadly. "She wanted to but never could."

Xander nodded and together they entered the library doors.

Giles looked up from arranging the ritual's objects. "Finish making the circle?"

Xander nodded. "Circle made. Protection encouraged if never guaranteed."

Spike rolled his eyes "You don't need potpourri pouches with the likes of us around."

Faith huffed, "What kind of dangers are you expecting that we can't handle?"

Xander and Willow exchanged a look of shared memory. Performing a spell in this room is what caused their troubles to begins with.

Giles' eyes gave them his sympathy. All three were haunted by the tragedies this room symbolized. Giles cleared his throat. "Well, in the little time we've had to prepare, we've tried to anticipate a variety of scenarios."

Spike smirked. "Watcher, we're way past anticipating. We're changing the rules of the whole bloody dimension." Feeling Faith step closer to his side, Spike shrugged, "Herbs, panic -makes no difference at this point."

Anya hopped on the table. "Course it won't. Humans can't change their dimensions. They can make new ones or accept theirs the way it is." Anya picked up the weird looking gourd-thing. "Your Buffy is in for death or disappointment." She looked at Xander. "Which one are we rooting for again?"


	22. Chapter 17: Vampire Love

**I've been reading your reviews and loving every one of them. Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know what you think of this unfolding tale. **

* * *

**Chapter 17: Vampire Love**

Usually, Buffy hated sewers. She'd spent many a sewer walk debating if the benefits of plumbing were worth all the stink.

Tonight, though, the smells and the sounds - its darkness, they didn't bother her. . . they'd ceased to matter.

Glancing at Angel's grim expression, she wanted to stop walking and just hold him. She worried her life force, what was left of it, wouldn't be enough to power the spell. She feared failing, but Angel . . . he feared losing her.

Before today, all she'd wanted was a life with Angel and her son, with the people who loved her and needed her to love them.

But those were greedy hopes based on a false prediction. She'd predicted she'd have more energy tonight. She thought adrenaline and stubbornness and sheer will would have her alert and ready, but she wasn't. She was tired and numb. If she survived long enough to finish the spell, it would be a miracle.

Walking with Angel's hand in hers, she caressed it with her thumb. She had so little left to give, she couldn't ask the universe not to take it all. Her greatest hope now was that everything she had would be enough. She gave his hand a comforting squeeze. She needed it to be enough.

* * *

Being a vampire, Angel could see well in the dark. He supposed Buffy, being a slayer, could too.

Looking at the cave where she had died once before, Angel wondered why she didn't hesitate before crossing its threshold.

His answer came with a squeeze of his hand. She looked up at him with gentle eyes. "It's just a place."

He nodded letting her lead the way.

The last time they'd descended these stairs, there'd been lit candles everywhere. The candles remained, but their light had been many years extinguished.

Angel kept his senses alert for any inhabitants. Save for the occasional rodent, it seemed they were alone.

Buffy stood by the pool where she'd drowned. She stared at the spot intensely before looking back at him. "Here is fine."

Putting down her bag, she dug inside for a large jar of red sand. Carefully, she poured the sand in a large circle - wide enough to surround them lying down.

Angel stepped inside the circle before pulling out a similar sized jar of salt. He poured it around the circle she'd made.

Together they held the stick they'd brought and drew it along the line of red sand. When they'd finished, Angel let go and let Buffy conclude by drawing five crosses through the line of sand and salt, mixing white and red.

Tossing aside the stick, she turned to face him. She took both of his hands in hers and brought them up so she could place kisses on the backs of his knuckles.

Angel rested his forehead on hers savoring her touch.

They wanted to say a hundred things to each other, but not a single word came to mind.

Touch was enough. Closeness was enough.

Her rapid heartbeat warned him their time was nearly over.

He fought for calm. He remained utterly still when she stepped closer. Feeling her press a kiss to his chest, he suppressed a sob.

When she put her arms around him, he put his arms around her - but he refused to hold her tightly. "I'm not going to say good-bye."

Her head burrowed closer to his heart.

With fingers clutching and releasing her in fits and spasms, he continued, "There's just too much . . ."

"I know." She caressed his chest with her cheek. "I mean, I understand."

The only sign the spell was underway was a slight change to her breathing. She stepped back and he let her.

When she looked up, the eyes he saw weren't Buffy's. Her pupils shrank proving her night vision was probably better than his at the moment, and the color . . . he didn't know what the yellow flooding from her irises to the whites of her eyes meant.

He got a clue when she whispered, "Vampire." Following her hiss, the sand became tall flames trapping them inside the circle.

Taking a defensive stance, he let his face morph and growled, "Yes."

She swiped her hand across the air and he felt his face return its human form. Another swipe of her hand brought him to his knees.

He'd never feared her; he'd never feared anyone. But now he feared the predator she'd become.

She stepped closer. "Love."

He failed to suppress the sob that rose at her word. "Yes."

Quickly, she pushed him down with her fingers around his neck.

Since he didn't need air, her strangling hold was simply uncomfortable. He knew, though, with her current strength she could easily sever his head from his body.

He struggled with himself to remain passive.

The flames around them made her skin glisten with sweat.

The stress must be making him delusional because the cloth beneath his hands seemed to be melting. He pawed at her thighs to get more of the sensation.

She leaned down and kissed him roughly - drawing blood from his lips and tongue. His hands moved to her back and the feeling of hot wax continued. As he rubbed, he could feel her skin beneath his fingers. The pressure and friction of her body caused his own skin to surface as well. His clothes felt hot and smearing them aside brought the sweet relief of air upon him.

When she pulled back, he recognized his blood smearing her lips and couldn't help but admire how glorious she looked. She'd made the fire, made him weak, made their clothes literally melt off them.

With her hands still around his neck, she writhed on top of him in a bruising rhythm.

Her hands slid against his neck from the blood she drew there, and he didn't care. He cared for nothing save joining with his empowered lover in every way.

His hands slid to her hips and adjusted their positions to enter her. It wasn't like anything he'd ever experienced. Blinding pain that was too beautiful and bright to turn away from. He may have shouted out; he may have growled, but when thoughts returned to him he realized his face had morphed again.

Moving against him, she stared intently, and he knew - somewhere in her eyes was his Buffy looking down and loving him.

His nails dug into her hip drawing points of blood; he could have sworn she smirked at him then. It was slight and fleeting, but it was real; it was her.

As their passion stretched on, he thought the flames might be lowering and hoped more of his Buffy might emerge. No sooner had he phrased the hope in his mind than her mouth descended to his neck. One of her hands moved to wrench his head back by his hair.

He knew what was coming, but the sensation still surprised him. Not being a vampire, her blunt teeth tore violently at his neck to reach his blood. She took from him and he reveled in every moment of it. He surrendered everything to her - every hope and shred of life or energy in him, it was hers now.

The last thing he clearly recalled was how red her eyes appeared when she lifted away from him and her hair . . . something was different about her hair . . . . . .

* * *

Buffy leaned back letting his head fall limply to the floor. Standing, she stepped away from his nearly unconscious body.

She had a vague awareness that she hadn't killed him but she felt no relief for it. He'd done his part here and now it was up to her and her power to do the rest.

Staring at a point in the darkness, she left her hands at her side, palms up. She closed her eyes and imagined that area in her mind. She focused on that point of darkness until she felt the air around her open. Every hair raised and every sense felt touched. Opening her eyes, she saw a tornado of flame in the area she'd focused on. She could hear the crackle of fire and thunder, but she didn't feel any heat coming from it.

Compared to the flames of the tornado, the flames around her circle seemed to flicker in slow motion. She had the sensation of being outside time - or more precisely outside of a time. The dimension before her moved faster and she currently straddled the divide. She stood outside the tornado but when she focused on it, it didn't seem to move quickly. She felt a part of its time and outside her own.

Waving her hand, she brought other portals into view. One . . . two, three . . . four. Her curiosity urged her to continue. Safe in her circle, she could observe these other dimensions - she could get close to them.

Oh, how she yearned to get close to them - to fight battles worthy of her strength, to conquer, defeat . . . to slay purely and wholly and for the rest of her existence.

She need only focus on one and step out of her circle. She knew it would be easy. She could feel it.

Her body swayed with the power of her craving.

Feeling Angels' blood on her lips start to dry, she screamed. She brought her hands up and out and called into the void, the thin line between her dimension and the legion of others.

"_We_ live here." She felt herself spreading farther than her body. "_We _guard here." She felt her energy reach out for as much of her universe as it could find. "You cannot overcome our power." Her chest burned sharply and her screams changed to those of pain. Still, she continued, "We. Won't. Let. You!"

The tornados of multicolored flames and lights merged before her eyes growing in intensity. She began to feel their heat - warm at first, then hotter and searing. Her eyes burned, her skin burned, but she would not turn away. "HERE IS OURS!"

The ground quaked. The lights died, and the ground continued rumbling. Some of the energy she'd put out into the world returned to her, but it felt wrong, like a faucet gushing too much water. She only wanted a little back, but energy kept coming and pouring and filling her to bursting - to pain, to unconsciousness . . .

Accompanying her soundless scream, came one final thought: her world might never stop quaking.

* * *

**Lines taken from Buffy Season 3 episode 20, "Prom" and episode 22," Graduation Day Part 2." **


	23. Chapter 18: Hallowed Ground

**Chapter 18: Hallowed Ground**

No one knew how much time the spell would take, so when the sun rose, and the couple hadn't made contact, the others felt both worry and hope. Either Angel and Buffy died quickly or they were still working to achieve their goal.

The watchers leaned towards hope and said no news was good news.

And so hours went by, the sun rose and fell, and no one left the school.

To everyone's surprise, Spike seemed to be the most anxious. He kept mumbling that something didn't "sit well about this," but he never found the words to explain.

When the sun was well past set, he headed for the door.

"Where are you going?"

Spike sighed. "I'm going to find out whether they've gone toes up or not."

Wearily, Giles poured himself another cup of coffee. "If they're not dead, then you interrupting might jeopardize their efforts."

"Bloody stupid efforts."

"Spike." Faith reached for him. "We can't screw this up."

Spike sucked in his cheeks at the room. "I can do what I like." His mouth tilted in a cold smirk. "If ya don't approve, sod off." With that, he strutted out the door, down the hall, and into the night.

Faith looked uncertainly around the room. "I think I'll . . ." She didn't finish the thought; instead, she walked out of the room following where Spike lead.

* * *

"You really think they're dead?" Faith dropped into the sewer behind him.

Steadying her with a hand, he shrugged. "I think stewin' in that library is a right fine way not to find out."

Before he could walk away, she grabbed his hand keeping him near. "I don't want her to be dead."

Confused, he frowned. "Neither do I."

She clenched his hand. "I don't want to know if she's dead. I- I just can't."

His frown turned to a scowl. "Bullocks. You're a slayer, you can handle anything."

Her eyes plead with him. "Not this."

For a moment, all he could do was stare in disbelief. Letting go of her hand, he stepped away.

"Suit yourself then." He turned his back and marched off into the dark. "It's a wonder she sacrifices anything for you lot."

* * *

Only one source of light shone in the cave. Spike descended the stairs and followed the rays to their source.

Angel and Buffy lay in a circle of ash. Angel lay very still, but Buffy - the way she looked made Spike wonder if the spell was still going on.

Every time she took a breath, her chest rose above the floor and hovered before slowly landing back down. Added to the fact her hair was bright white and her whole body glowed and Spike decided to approach Angel first.

Buffy lay at his feet, so Spike had to walk around her to reach Angel. As he got closer to her, his body grew warmer and warmer and for the first time since he'd been turned, he felt nausea. The heat and the sickness got so bad he backed away several times for relief before making it passed her.

He knelt by Angel's head - the farthest from her he could get. "Bloody poofter, you're not dust, so you're not dead." Reaching his hands into the circle, he shook him. "Get your self-righteous arse up." When insulting the lout didn't work, Spike tried dragging him.

He made it several feet before dropping him. Grabbing Angel's jacket by the shoulders, Spike jerked him back off the ground and dragged him the rest of the way out of the circle.

He let go and sat on the rock behind him. He considered the glowing slayer and glanced back at Angel. "For once, I think you're gonna be the easy carry." He frowned as the slayer's body continued to levitate and fall. Pulling out a flask, he grumbled, "Come on mate, time to greet the world." He poured out the entire flask onto Angel's face, but the elder vampire didn't even twitch. Glancing at Buffy, he kicked Angel. "One of you better start bossing, or I'm gonna to make some bloody wrong calls."

Neither one responded in the least. Sighing, Spike put away his flask and bent down to lift Angel over his shoulder. The big oaf nearly toppled him.

"Spike?"

His eyes flicked to Buffy, but she appeared as still as ever.

"Spike?"

Following the voice, he found Faith at the foot of the staircase. She stared - horrified - at Buffy's body as it glowed and swelled. "Shit."

As if in a trance, she stepped closer.

"Love? Wouldn't be doin' that."

Faith couldn't take her eyes off Buffy. "Why not?"

Spike squinted skeptically at her. "You don't feel anything."

Faith took another step closer. "She's warm."

He shifted Angel's heavy weight and called out, "N-now, you - you stop that right now!"

Faith murmured in awe, "She's alive."

Angel started to slide down, and Spike grunted as he tried to catch him. "Wouldn't go that far pet." When Angel continued to slide, Spike let him fall to the ground. He stared at the pile of limbs. "Proof the non-human diet is more fattening."

Faith glanced at him and got a little startled out of her reverie. "Oh god, is he okay?"

With a pouty face, Spike nudged him with his foot. "The poof won't wake up so I don't know."

Faith hurried to close the distance between them.

Spike frowned at her. "You really don't feel sick?"

Faith glanced at Buffy. "It's like the top of a roller coaster when your stomach drops and you're breath loosens you just feel - ready."

"Well, that's not unsettling." He looked back down at Angel. "Help me get his lumpiness up and out."

As they lifted in between them, Faith looked over. "What about her?"

He looked at Buffy and debated with himself. Finally, Spike leaned against the stairs in the rock, so he could take all of Angel's weight. "Try and touch her."

Faith nodded and approached the circle of ash. The closer she got the warmer she felt and the brighter Buffy appeared. When she finally stood at her side, Faith could barely stand to look at her she glowed so bright.

Spike watched as she reached out her arm and touched Buffy's shoulder. Immediately, she cried out and fell to her knees tanking back her hand.

"Bullocks." He could hear her panting, so he didn't completely panic. Corpses don't pant.

Slowly, Faith crawled backwards out of the circle.

When she reached his feet, she leaned back against his legs. "That was intense."

"Guess that answers that then."

She continued to pant heavily. "We can't just leave her here."

"Don't have a choice love." He continued to hold Angel up. "Gettin' this lug out is gonna be chore enough."

With his help, she pulled herself up. "What you think it means?"

"Means their spell did something." Together, they balanced Angel between them. "Bugger if we'll know what."

They trudged up the stairs but paused before leaving. Spike merely stood still, but Faith looked back down upon the shining slayer. A permanent change happened here, and somehow, Faith understood that. On the threshold of this hallowed cave, Faith murmured the only thing there was to say: "Thank you Buffy."

Faith and Spikey made their way through the sewer silently. Through muscle and creativity they pulled and pushed Angel up the sewer ladder and continued their way down the street.

When they were many miles away from the cave, Spike grumbled, "This world didn't deserve her."

Faith looked over, but he didn't have anything more to say. Spike was starting to grieve and she realized so was she. Both knew, thought that Angel's grief would be something different . . . something deeper, eternal, and possibly destructive - even if all it destroyed was himself.


	24. Chapter 19: Consequences

**Chapter 19: Consequences**

They all stood in Buffy's old living room. Wearing a worried frown, Spike kept glancing at the basement door.

Impatient with their conversation, he growled, "You're on your own."

Everyone looked at him.

When he spoke, Giles voice matched his dark expression. "You left her there and now you won't go back?"

Willow whimpered. "I thought she was your friend."

Xander rolled his eyes. "Come on Will, the only friend Spike has is himself."

She turned to Spike. "But you saved Angel!"

"Bloody stupid decision that."

"You guys," Faith huffed, "What part of glowy-coma don't you get?"

"Uh, I don't know," Xander shrugged, "The part where Buffy gets left in a sewer."

Giles frowned slightly. "Angel will not be pleased when he awakes."

Spike scowled. "_If_ he awakes; no amount of blood is rousing that drained arse."

Willow's face started to crumple. "She killed him and the spell killed her."

Throwing her hands up in the air, Faith stepped forward, "Nobody got killed. Romeo and Juliet aren't dead - they're just on time out or something."

Xander scoffed, "Yeah, they're in the no-no corner - any idea on how long that'll last?"

Faith put down her hands. "You all need to leave right now."

Anya shrugged. "I didn't want to come here so leaving will be good."

Willow stared at Faith. "Getting rid of us isn't going to fix this."

Giles sighed. "I believe their point is they don't think this can be fixed."

"But it has to be!"

Sharply, Xander nodded. "Agreed. Let's go." Taking Anya's hand, he marched out. Willow followed and Giles trailed behind.

Faith walked to Spike's side. "What do you think they're gonna do?"

Letting his stiff posture relax, he placed an arm around her waist and a kiss upon her shoulder. "Nothing pet." He rested his forehead against her shoulder. "They're going to see the situation for themselves and do what we did: not a blessed thing."

"You were right." She leaned her head against his. "I'm a sucky slayer."

He chuckled. "I wish."

She lightly head-butted him. "Ass."

He kissed her shoulder again before lifting his head. "I am an ass, and you are a phenomenal slayer." His armed a squeezed her closer. "You can't save everyone pet. You can't even save the ones you love."

"What's the point in having powers then?"

Turning her in his arms, he looked her right in the eye. "Don't make her triumph into your failure. She _chose_ this."

"I-I," Her glance skittered this way and that. "I just - I don't want to be the only slayer."

"I don't wanna be this good looking and athletic." He nodded solemnly. "We all have crosses to bear."

She smiled and so did he. She glanced at the basement. "What do we say to him?"

"You mean Angel?"

"When he wakes up, what do we tell him about her?"

"As long as he's out, we don't have to think about it."

She shook her head but her arm around him. In that half-embrace, they sheltered each other from the reality.

* * *

"Are you sure you remember the way?"

Xander through a glance back at Willow. "I'll never forget."

Anya still held on to his hand. "It's a reasonable question. It's been five years since you were there."

Giles corrected, "Six actually."

"Yeah, well, if I get us lost, I'm sure Will has a blueprint or map-thing."

She mumbled with her head down. "I just like to be prepared."

"I know, but just give me a chance would ya?"

Giles prodded. "Your chance has lasted 40 minutes."

Xander made another turn. "Guess it's unlikely anyone has changed the sewers recently."

"Indeed."

Willow pulled out her map and Giles clicked on a flashlight.

Xander waited impatiently.

"Faith didn't make it sound like she's going anywhere," Any whispered - loudly. "There's no hurry."

He grumbled, "The less time my friend spends passed out in a sewer the better."

"One of your friends went with her?" She nodded to herself. "That spell would be very dangerous to a human."

He frowned at his girlfriend. "There's no one else with her. " Squeezing her hand, Xander sighed sadly. "I was talking about Buffy." He scanned the floor and walls. "I don't like the thought of her here - not like they said - not able to defend herself."

Willow looked up from the map. "We'll get her out."

Giles put his finger on the map. "That way. If we undo the turn we made and continue forward, this tunnel should get us there."

They did as he said and ten minutes later, they stood outside the cavern's threshold.

Willow stared at the opening. "You were really close."

Xander looked at her and Giles. "I don't think any of us could forget that night."

Giles straightened. "No, I don't believe we could."

Anya followed Xander in. "Because your friend died?"

Xander murmured, "Because our world was ending." He walked down the stairs slowly remembering the last time he'd been there.

Willow whispered, "It's warm in here."

Giles held his breath. "Oh lord."

All at once, they saw her - just like Faith had described.

A few steps in her direction was all they could take before the heat became intolerable.

Anya fell to her knees. "What is that?"

Giles leaned against the staircase to breathe deeply. "Energy."

Willow held her stomach. "I've never felt energy like that."

"It-it's" Gile continued panting. "Highly concentrated."

"Xander!" Anya called out.

He'd begun to approach again. The heat and nausea were so intense he fell too, but that didn't stop him. He continued on all fours.

"Xander stop!"

Willow tried to reach for him, but she couldn't get close enough. Yards behind him, the others could only imagine the pain Xander felt.

Still, he struggled forward. A gasp and then he was on his stomach. He paused only a moment before crawling on his belly like a soldier determined to reach his comrade.

Fearing for his safety, the others watched as he made it to the edge of her circle. As his hand crossed it, he screamed.

"XANDER!"

His fingers dug into the dirt as he tried to pull himself forward. "Buffy!" He yelled her name as he reached towards her. "Buffy!"

Her friend was dying three feet away from her and still, Buffy didn't wake.

Anya turned on Willow and Giles. "Do something!"

Willow started towards Xander, but a hand on her shoulder stopped her.

Bracing himself for the pain, Giles charged forward. The heat acted like a wall of pain and sickness, but Giles pushed and pushed his way through it. Soon the sickness overwhelmed him and he let it take him to the ground.

As Xander continued reaching for Buffy, Giles grabbed him by the ankle and dragged him backwards. The boy didn't have enough energy to fight him, so Giles was able to slowly bring him back to the others.

Out of the energy's range, Giles scooted back against the cool wall muttering, "Idiot child."

Seeing blood dripping from Xander nose, Anya frowned at him. "That was a very stupid thing to do."

Willow looked at him sadly. "What were you thinking?"

Xander coughed and panted.

Anya looked at Giles. "Is the spell still going on?"

He closed his eyes. "I don't know."

Willow whispered, "Did we mess up?"

Slowly, Giles opened his eyes and looked at her. "I think _none_ of us knew what we were doing and now we have a consequence to face."

Looking at Buffy, Anya tilted her head. "I guess there's no way to test it."

Giles sighed heavily. "There are ways." He stared straight ahead. "But none of them are down here." He started to stand and the ladies tried to help Xander stand too.

Giles limped up the stairs and the others followed, as they ascended they snuck glances at Buffy lying in the middle of the cave. Her body's rhythmic rise and fall was hypnotizing causing them all to walk slower.

Her hair and glow and naked body - she looked eternal: a goddess bigger than their time.

She looked like she could lie there forever. As they left her cave, each of them felt they'd witnessed a myth -not any myth they knew, but one freshly created.

_Under the world lies a warrior_

_who in her sleep keeps hell at bay._

_She controls the threshold_

_from her circle in the cave._

* * *

**Lines taken from Buffy season 7 episode 20 "Touched." And the title of the chapter is the same as the title of Buffy season 3 episode 15.**


	25. Chapter 20: Sleep Helps

**Sorry for the dry spell. I write when something bothers me - when I just need to get away for a while, and for the last month and a half, I haven't wanted to go anywhere. I've been really happy. I still am, but the story must go on. I want it to and I think you do too. So - let's get this chapter started:**

* * *

**Chapter 20: Sleep Helps**

"Everyone thinks it's over." Sitting on the ground, Xander contemplated the body before him. "It's been awhile and nothing's happened . . . which is good, that was the goal, right? To make Sunnydale just like any other town. Well, it is. . . so it must have been worth it . . ."

The body before him didn't move. In six months, the body never moved.

"I just don't understand how to deal with this place if this is the way it is . . . if the safety of everyone depends on someone dying. . . on someone really good not getting to enjoy the world she protects. I don't feel grateful - I just feel sick all the time." He dragged a hand down his tired face. "How does anyone accept this?"

"Sleep helps."

Xander jumped.

Faith walked down the basement stairs. "You're never gonna feel better if you keep spending all your sleep time hanging with this loser." Not seeing even a smirk from him, she took a seat on the bottom stair. "Let up or feel more sick. Those are your choices."

He didn't reply.

"You really think going crazy is gonna help?"

"It's more than anyone else is doing." He leaned his head back against the wall. "How can everyone give up on them?"

"You made a choice; we all did. We knew it was dangerous and chose to help anyway . . . because she asked us to." Sighing, she wrapped her arms around her knees. "This isn't something that just happened to them; they chose it."

Xander continued to stare at the body. . . the lifeless body that Spike and Faith thought might wake up one day - maybe a day centuries from now. . . after all, Angel was still a vampire. His body was still intact so given enough blood and time, it would recover. They said even when he does wake, though, he won't be able to bring Buffy back. Angel didn't know anything more about the spell than they did; he didn't know more about magic either. If Giles and Willow couldn't find the answer in England - sneakily using the council's resources - then there probably wasn't an answer.

They said Buffy would understand that - that she had understood at the time that she probably wasn't coming back.

_"You were with me in the beginning. There's no one I'd rather want with me at the end . . . . I need your help to save the world one last time . . . . if you keep your distance and pretend it doesn't matter then there's a chance it won't hurt like hell when I leave again . . ."_

A tear crept down Xander's cheek. He didn't wipe it away. He might never accept losing Buffy, but if nothing else, over the past six months, he had come to accept the tears.

Another tear followed the first, and he didn't even notice.

Standing up, Faith turned to the stairs. "There's nothing for you here. Go home."

Slowly, Xander stretched out his stiff legs and started to stand. Every couple weeks, one of them would kick him out; he knew the drill. Soon, he'd come back looking pathetic and they'd let him back in. Feeling the tears in full flow, he knew pathetic wasn't hard for him to pull off . . . not when memories haunted him.

_"It's been a long time, but I know my friend."_

_"We're not friends . . . not anymore."_

_"I understand."_

She said she understood, but he didn't. He didn't understand how everything fell a part. He didn't understand . . . how to be okay with that . . . he didn't understand . . . anything.

* * *

Smiling, Sunny sat by Vinny's bed and handed him his favorite duck toy. "Once upon a time, there was a beautiful girl with a big heart. Sad and scary things happened to people around her but she had the power to stop the bad things and protect people. She saved people she loved and people she didn't even know."

Sunny picked up a toy monster and walked him on the bed towards the duck. "But one day, one of the scary things hurt her - hurt her so much she didn't want to stop bad things anymore." Vin held his duck tighter. "She wanted to be happy and safe, so she went away."

Sunny covered the monster with both his hands. "She looked for a place without bad things. She went to quiet places and loud places, cities and beaches, small homes and big hotels, but wherever she went, she saw scary, sad things hurt people around her." Opening his hands, Sunny looked at the monster toy. He tried to smile at Vin who was already half asleep.

"So the beautiful girl with the big heart went back to the bad place, the place where all the scary, sad things came from."

From the doorway, "What happened then?"

Hearing Lindsey, Sunny finished the story, "She stopped them."

By this time, Vin had fallen asleep, so Sunny turned on his nightlight, turned off the table lamp, and walked out of the room.

Lindsey followed him quietly downstairs. "I thought we agreed we weren't going to tell him stories like that."

"It's not a story. It's the truth."

"One he doesn't need to hear."

Sunny glared at him. "Until he's older or _ever_?"

Lindsey's silence said it all.

Sunny breathed deep to calm himself down and not wake the kid he just put to sleep. "Anne might have gone and done something stupid, but whatever she's done, she did for Vin, and he deserves to know that. He deserves to be proud as hell of his mom - because she is _**nothin'**_ be ashamed of - that's for _damn_ sure."

Lindsey swallowed back the lump in his throat and stared at the ground to hide his watering eyes. "He deserves to have a normal life. . . . It's what she wanted for him."

Sunny sneered with contempt. "Which is why I haven't told him that girl with the big heart is his mom . . . yet . . ." He gave an exasperated huff, "Anne knew what I wanted and did the opposite; one of these days, I might do the same."

Sunny headed for the door.

"You think she really did it?"

Sunny squeezed the door handle. "Did what?"

"Stopped them."

Closing his eyes, Sunny sighed, "Yeah, I think she did." The door closed behind him. Each of them were left carrying reality's heavy burden.

Lindsey whispered to an empty room. "I think she did too."

* * *

Angel shifted. He felt stiff and heavy. His eyes wouldn't open and his mouth felt like a closed bear trap. Pulling it to open, he called out, "Bu-Bu" His throat scratched and cut off his voice. "Where . . . Did it work?" He tried to clear his throat. Even speaking his loudest, this voice barely reached a whisper, "Buffy . .. is it over? . . . Buffy?"

With all his strength, he lifted his heavy eyelids. As his strength waned, his eyes closed and he had to rally to get them back open. He forced his neck to turn and glanced around the hazy, wobbly room. "Buffy?"


	26. Chapter 21: Weird Feels

**Chapter 21: Weird Feels**

"This is not a good idea." Xander really felt it when Angel's next stumble nearly dropped them both. "This could have waited. Y'know until we had a plan maybe?"

Angel began drooping again. "Have a plan."

Xander bolstered him up with a groan. "Breaking my back is not a plan; it's just mean."

Sewer sludge made their lurching steps even more awkward and unsure.

Xander breathed loudly and heavily - more so as Angel was able to carry less and less of his own weight. "Spike" (deep breath) "is gonna" (big exhale) "kill me" (deep breath). Xander stopped walking. "Or Faith."

With the arm slung around Xander's neck, Angel dug his fingers into the boy's neck. "I'm going to kill you if you don't get moving."

"Jeez dude." Xander hissed from pain. "It's not like she's going anywhere. Trust me." He resumed trudging them both forward. "Buff's sleeping deeper than you were."

Angel grunted.

They continued the rest of the way in silence.

* * *

Xander walked them both down the stairs. He leaned Angel against a wall and took a breather. "See deadboy? Safe and sound - just like she's been for the past six months."

"Buf-" Angel lurched forward.

"Oh, no you don't." Xander grabbed his shoulder. "that glowey stuff will lay you flat before you get close."

"She's alive?"

Watching the rhythmic rise and fall of his friend's body, Xander grimaced. "She's moving . . . kind of."

Angel tried to push forward.

Xander yanked on his shoulder. "I did not drag your undead ass here so you could get yourself dead for real." Xander moved in front of him to look him in his eyes. "Angel! I brought you here so you could fix it."

Angel slowly moved his eyes from Buffy to Xander. "How?"

Xander stared at him and bunched his fists tightly before gritting out, "I don't know." Xander shook him. "But you do. You have to." He let him go. "...This can't be the end."

"It's not."

Xander frowned. Angel put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a swift head butt.

Xander dropped, and Angel stumbled forward. "Thanks for the lift."

A few steps later, he could feel the sickness start to slow him down. "Buffy." A few steps more and he was half stumbling and half crawling. "I'm. Not. Leaving." He tried to launch himself forward, but his great leap turned more into a vertical fall. He lay on the ground a moment trying to gather his strength . . . he found he didn't have any, so he continued without it.

Angel screamed out as his arms dragged his body forward. His whole body felt heavy and hot - like a hundred of needles nailing him to the floor. He stretched his arms out, sank his fingers into whatever crevices he could find and pulled his suffering, tired body forward again . . . and again . . . and again . . . and again. . . . a few inches at a time. . .

Finally, he was by her side - her lovely, burning, living side.

Overwhelmed with pain, he couldn't feel most of his body anymore, but his body didn't matter - he was where he was supposed to be . . . at last.

Lying side by side with her, he took the plunge and rolled over so half of him lay over her. The moment his skin touched hers, he couldn't think or feel - he simply existed - and in that state, he opened his mouth and bit down.

* * *

Colors . . . everything was so colorful - the oranges and reds of the cave reached out from the wall to greet her.

And warmth . . . for the first time in a long time she was warm. From the air on her skin, she knew she was naked and still she'd never felt so comfortable.

She hummed with satisfaction then turned to the head of brown hair beside her. "Hi."

Angel couldn't stop panting.

"You okay?"

More panting.

"Angel?"

"I don't know what happened."

Lifting her arm, she lay her hand on his cheek. "It's okay. Everything is okay now."

Staring into her eyes, he swallowed. "You were sleeping."

The tips of her fingers caressed his face.

He frowned slightly. "I feel weird."

She smiled. "You look weird too." She smirked. "I mean different."

Resting his head on her shoulder, he focused on trying to even out his breathing.

She savored the sight of him. "Go us for not dying."

He wrapped an arm tight around her. "Came pretty close."

She hummed her agreement.

Rubbing his hand on her stomach, he nuzzled her neck. "You must be freezing."

Buffy returned his nuzzle. "I'm really not."

From across the room came a voice, "Does that mean you'll not be wanting some knickers? Cuz I think that's a bloody good call."

"Spike?"

Lifting her head, she spotted a figure rubbing his forehead, "And Xander."

Seeing her smile, her old friend couldn't help but smile right back. "Hey Buffster, how's it feel not being dead again?"

Another voice joined, "Come one, man, that wasn't dead; that was a nap. Doesn't count as coming back to life."

Buffy looked down at Angel. "Faith's here too."

He smiled a little. "I heard."

"Now how's about a jacket B? Or you know - some pants?"

She continued looking into his eyes. "I think we have to get up now."

"And this cave was just starting to grow on me."

"Bit too much I'd say Peaches."

Buffy heard a thwack, then a groan from spike and a "Shut it" from Faith.

"Hey, he stays here long enough, who knows what he'll turn into next."

Xander kept pressing on his sore spot and wincing. "What is he talking about?"

Faith glanced at the couple as they started to help each other stand. "He hears four heartbeats."

"Well that makes sense there's Buff, you, me and ... that's four isn't it?"

"If you count Angel, then yeah."

Standing up, Buffy smiled at him. "Guess I'm not the one who came back to life this time."

Angel kept her wrapped in his arms and kissed the top of her head. "You did. We both did."

Faith yanked off Spike's jacket and tossed it over. "You think the spell's still working now that she's not coma girl?"

The couple looked deep into each others' eyes then turned to the group. "It's working."

Gold lights shined from couple's eyes. It was hypnotizing to behold.

Xander coughed to clear his throat. "Okay, first stop: sunglasses."

* * *

Buffy hung up the phone but didn't put it down, instead she hugged it close under her chin.

Angel stepped closer. "Everyone okay?"

She nodded with her eyes on the floor.

"Bet they're excited to see you again."

She tried to smile but didn't succeed.

He wrapped her in a hug. "We made it. The hardest part is over."

Faith walked in on her way to the fridge. "Give the girl a break. Her vamp got a little more human and she got a little less."

Angel frowned. "We don't know anything for sure."

"Pfft." She grabbed beer. "For sure is for asswipes who don't know jack about shit."

Buffy smiled into Angel's chest.

"What are you birds going on about?" Spike opened the fridge for some blood then jumped on the counter.

Angel kept her close against him. "We're just trying to get our minds around what comes next."

"Anything we damn well please I imagine."

"If they can come in now, then so can I."

Spike scowled at the boy. "Ain't your house and it ain't you who saved the world."

It was then, Buffy peaked out of the Angel hug. "There's my hero."

As Xander blushed, Spike guffawed, "He took a headbutt for the team - real champion he is."

Faith grabbed hold of his blood bag and squeezed hard so it squirted up in face.

"Oi!" He wiped at his face and licked his fingers making Faith grimace

Xander looked at the phone. "Guess I should call Giles and Will."

Buffy nodded. "You could do that now or you could call them from the road."

He frowned. "From the . . . why would I . . ."

"We really want to head home -get back to setting down roots- normal, not apocalyptic ones, and we were hoping you'd come along."

Xander glanced at the other super couple.

Spike cocked a brow. "Don't look at us, we got a world to see. Little slayer and I are gonna find us some fun."

Buffy stepped out of Angel's embrace. "We know you have a life here, but if you feel maybe you want something different, we think we know a good place for new starts."

Faith covered Spike's face with a towel and wiped away the blood. "Sunnydale might not be home of the demons anymore, but it still kinda sucks."

Xander leaned against the counter. "I guess I never thought about . . . leaving . . . ever."

Buffy stepped closer. "I'm being really selfish asking you to drop everything and come with us. It's just . . . I don't want to say goodbye again."

Xander looked her in the eyes a long time. He looked at his friend who looked younger and healthier now than he'd ever seen her. The spell transformed her hair color back to a honey gold and put color back in her skin. For now, the gold lights had receded letting her natural green eyes shine. She looked beautiful and hopeful and open, and he realized his reply, "Me neither."

She hugged him then and he hugged her tightly back. They both felt their eyes watering and tried to blink back the tears. The time for tears was over. There was nothing to be sad about.

Finally and against all odds they were getting a happy ending.

The End

* * *

**I will be posting an epilogue and then this very long series will have truly completed its journey. **


	27. Epilogue

**Epilogue:**

In a quiet park, surrounded by friends, the couple exchanged rings. The minister smiled at them.

"Just as two very different threads woven in opposite directions can form a beautiful tapestry, so can your two lives merge together to form a very beautiful marriage. To make your marriage work will take love."

Angel and Buffy squeezed each others' hands.

"Love should be the core of your marriage, love is the reason you are here. But it also

will take trust, to know in your hearts you want the best for each other. It will take

dedication, to stay open to one another; to learn and to grow together even when this

is not always so easy to do."

Both made promises with their eyes.

"It will take faith, to be willing to go forward to tomorrow, never really knowing what

tomorrow will bring. In addition, it will take commitment, to hold true to the journey,

you both now pledge to share together."

The minister took a small step back. "Charles and Lilly, in so much as the two of you have

agreed to live together in matrimony, have promised your love for each other by these

vows, I now declare you to be husband and wife. Congratulations, you may kiss your bride."

The guests stood and clapped and a few of the kids hollered. Buffy leaned into Angel with tears in her eyes. They smiled softly at each other and clapped for their friends. Under the sun, in the presence of loved ones, their hearts overflowed with love.

* * *

Sunny gave Lilly a long, tight hug. She kissed his cheek before pulling away. "Thank you for coming. I know you guys are happy and safe where you are, but thank you for coming."

Emotion in his eyes, Sunny just nodded. Lilly watched as Dan and Rachel came up and pulled him away to catch up. With Sunny, Anne and Angel attending, their wedding was doubling as a reunion that made the happy couple even happier. She smiled at the sight of Gunn embracing Anne.

She noticed Angel close by. "She looks beautiful."

He smiled. "As do you. Gunn is truly blessed." Seeing her start to cry, Angel stepped closer. "Is everything alright? With you and the kids, Gunn?"

She shook her head. "Everything is perfect. I just-" She looked at Buffy and Gunn talking and laughing. She covered her mouth trying to contain a sob. "I just - this is a really great day." Closing her eyes, she willed herself to breathe normally.

Angel looked on with compassion.

She opened her eyes. "I didn't think we'd get another one." She saw him nod as arms came around her from behind.

"Hey, pretty lady." Buffy rested her shin on her shoulder.

Lilly grinned. "Gunn playing nice?"

"Always."

Angel glanced at the surrounding tables spotting familiar faces. "I'm going to say hi to Cordy and Gru."

Buffy nodded absently.

Lilly watched him walk away then turned around to face her friend. "When are you going to tell me how he's here?"

Anne smirked. "I'm all kinds of persuasive."

Lilly swatted her on the arm. "That boy is lookin' like a living, breathing non-vampire person and you look as young as these kids. What, did your plan involve taking a spa trip to heaven or something?"

Buffy just smiled. "We got lucky, and we plan to not test our luck for a very long, long, long time."

Lilly grinned a moment and then leaned. She whispered, "Does this mean, he can you know? You two can. . . make . . . ?"

Still smiling, Buffy chewed on her lip. "We're not sure. We think so, but we're gonna wait a bit before trying or anything."

Lil squealed.

"Shhhh."

"Oh my God. You two are - oh my god." She squealed again.

"I know. I know. It's pretty-"

"Crazy and good and so what you two deserve."

Buffy reached over and pushed a stray lock behind Lilly's ear. "You and Gunn have been taking really good care of each other. You two look so happy."

Lilly's smile tightened. "I don't know how I'm going to say goodbye again."

Buffy took in the sight of her best friend all dressed in white. "You're not." She smoothed her fingers through Lilly's long blonde hair. "You're going to say 'see you soon,' and then one of these day is going to be soon and we'll be standing together just like now."

Lilly reached out and touched Buffy's hair. "I like you blonde again."

She nodded and smirked. "Two blondes with crazy lives and now two crazy guys." She reached out and her friend's hand. "We'll be alright."

Following Anne's strong example, Lilly held her tears back and smiled wide. "We're gonna be fine."

Words of reassurances exchanged and accepted, the two friends joined the rest of the party. They laughed and danced and took each moment as it came - the good, the sad, the easy, the hard, the amazing and the imperfect. And throughout it all, they loved each other as only best friends can.

* * *

Buffy leaned against Sunny. "You ready to go home."

"I've said all my goodbyes. How 'bout you?"

She nodded and stepped into the car. "Angel is saying his to Wesley and Fred and everybody."

"As if they'd miss him."

She rolled her eyes as he sat beside her. "No wonder you and Xander get along so well."

"Lindsey likes him too."

"Angel actually knows how to fish and still Lindsey takes Xander as his fishing buddy every time."

"We like you and put up with him." Sunny kissed her forehead. "Deal."

"There's one little exception . . . "

Sunny's frown made her smile. "My lil' guy is pretty fond of him."

Sunny squinted at the night. "One day he'll be old enough for the fishing trips and we'll set him straight then."

She shook her head. "I can only imagine what those two are filling his head with this weekend."

"Unless one of them grew a pair of glowy eyes, you're man still has the edge."

She leaned against him. "The partial custody may be getting him to pull out the gimmicks."

He guffawed. "Partial custody. That's a joke right?" He wrapped an arm around her. "When V's not at ya'lls new picket-fence pad, you're crashing on Linds's couch."

She wrinkled her nose. "Lindsey's not mad is he?"

"Truth is, sharing Vin has been good for him. He's even managed to go on a few dates."

She snuggled closer into him. "Good for him."

"You and Angel living the normal life has been good for all of us. . . . even if you two are a little immortal now."

"We don't know what we are."

"As long as Vin's safe and you're alive, it don't matter."

"And how are you? Things still going well with you and Becca?"

He fidgeted in his seat before mumbling, "Yes."

Before she could pry, he hollered, "Yo Angel, you nearin' ready?"

Angel continued his way towards them. "I got keys, car and two wiped passengers. We're good."

"Good."

Buffy poked Sunny's side. "Soon sir."

"Soon is not now." He scooted up and crawled backwards into the backseat. "I'll let you two have the front while I nap back here."

Angel started the car. "You ready to sleep too?"

Buffy scooted over next to him. "I think I can keep my eyes open a few more hours."

"Hold your mackin' till I'm asleep; that's all I ask."

"Anything for you Sunny." Angel smiled at Buffy. "He got me out of a plane ride."

She rolled her eyes. "One of these days I'm getting both of you on a plane. These road trips are gonna get old real fast."

Sunny mumbled from the back. "Two to one Anne. It'll still be two to one."

She shook her head leaning it back against Angel's shoulder. They drove through L.A.'s busy streets in silence. Passing familiar streets and buildings felt surreal. Hours passed and they crossed the state border.

Buffy whispered, "Goodbye."

Angel reached over and squeezed her hand. "We'll be back." Caressing her hand, he murmured, "Someday, we'll see all this again."

Buffy didn't know if she looked forward or dreaded that day. She chose not to think about it. Right now, she had Angel, her friends, and her baby boy. Right now, she felt loved and safe. And in the end . . . right now is all that matters.

And this, right now, is the end.

* * *

**Thank you for all your reviews and support. Seriously, this series wouldn't have happened without you guys. While I've been working on this series, I've started a couple others (Buffy and Angel themed of course). If you guys like my style, you'll probably like these as well. I'm not sure which one to start posting first . . . . decisions, decisions. I will post a first chapter of one next week though. I'm not sure I'll ever write another long 4 parter, but I'll just see where the stories take me.  
**


	28. Song of Good Hope

**And here is the final song for the final portion of the series. May good hope walk with each of you.**

* * *

_**Song Of Good Hope**_

_**By Glen Hansard**_

_If we're gonna make it_  
_'Cross this river alive_  
_We need to think like a boat_  
_And go with the tide_

_And I know where you've been_  
_It's really left you in doubt_  
_Of ever finding a harbor_  
_Of figuring this out_

_And you're gonna need_  
_All the help you can get_  
_So lift up your arms now_  
_And reach for it_  
_And reach for it_

_And take your time babe_  
_It's not as bad as it seems, you'll be fine babe_  
_It's just some rivers and streams in between_  
_You and where you wanna be_  
_And watch the signs now_  
_You'll know what they mean, you'll be fine now_  
_Just stay close to me and make good hope_  
_Walk with you through everything_

_And take your time babe_  
_It's not as bad as it seems, you'll be fine babe_  
_It's just some rivers and streams in between_  
_You and where you wanna be_  
_And watch the signs now_  
_You'll know what they mean, you'll be fine now_  
_Just stay close to me and make good hope_  
_Walk with you through everything_

_May the song of good hope_  
_Walk with you through everything_


End file.
